What a fudgewimple

Working_Mum wrote: »

Hello laveugle,
I am sorry you've had a tough day. People are kind on here but maybe don't always consider the impact of what they are writing on the recipient. I am sure posters meant their posts kindly and maybe as a reality check for you. I hop you will come back and keep posting.

I think you need to get really practical and thought I'd share some of the things I did (and still do) when I totted up the debts my ex-husband had left me with 10 years ago (almost £90k and most of it in my name and only a self employed income to support myself, my 2 kids and pay these debts!)

I did an inventory of everything I owned from food to toiletries - I realise that I hoard food when I feel stressed! I didn't buy anything I already had. I shopped with a list after meal planning and unearthed the delights of A1di/L1dl shopping - tracking all spends in my lovely book (see below)!!

I wrote a big list of everything that I owed, the interest rate, balance, minimum payment and date the payment due. I wrote a list of all of my direct debits, what they were for, amount, expiry and when they were due to be paid out. I cancelled the ones which were not necessary and made a note of renewal dates for insurances/utilities etc and got better rates shopping around at renewal time (this is my habit now!!).

I took a long hard look at all of my income (self employed/maintenance from ex/ family allowance etc) and in particular the DATE I was generally paid. I changed my direct debits payment dates to be able to coincide with when I had payments coming in from my business. I made minimum payments on credit cards etc before due dates and when I got pennies in from my various sources. I only covered minimum payments for about a year but it meant I learned good habits and I got a bit of clear blue water between me and the debt.

I set myself a weekly CASH budget for food/fuel/socialising and withdrew that each Thursday morning - I paid everything in cash!!!!!! If there was not enough money in my purse I learned to say no and do without - regardless of what it was. Cash is king!! I learned to take a breath and consider if I really needed to buy "this right now" and often the answer was that I didn't and could do without.

I read Dave Ramsey and I snowballed my debts. You can buy his books online quite cheaply, he has a YouTube channel or you can read his learnings for free!!

I learned what my triggers for spending were by keeping a spending diary (still do and find it a mindful experience) - I checked my bank accounts every morning (so no hasty surprises) and I slowly wrestled control. I think this maybe a useful exercise for you.

By doing this I had a proper look at what the current landscape is - used my self employed skill set to get a smart plan together and then cracked on!! You have self-taught yourself your role so you have the skills to work a plan you simply need to change how you frame things.

Personally I did my absolute utmost to keep my kids, my pooch, my home and my business trading and that was is a good motivation to stick to my budgets etc. On your dog front have you considered shaving one day per week off the walker and see how they get on - puppy pads are great (my dog is almost 20 and incontinent) and you could maybe secure an area like a utility room or kitchen for them to be in. I found it was by chipping away at every single penny I spent that I managed to learn to breathe and pay down my debts.

Writing a diary will help you keep the faith!

((hugs))

WM xx