Taking my ex to court

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  • PrettyKittyKat
    PrettyKittyKat Posts: 1,270 Forumite
    I would suggest changing the days he has them to your working day, and he has to make the childcare arrangements for these days, so this reduces your costs. The CM seems low but this is because he has them them those two nights during the week, but actually that isn't a true reflection as you have them all day so are feeding them and caring for them all day, which should be part of his costs hence why the CM reduced for him having them those two nights.

    I don't see in this instance why you should get spousal maintenance. Just because he earns alot of money and you feel it is his fault you are divorcing doesn't mean he should pay you monthly pocket money. Obviously the child maintenance yes. You need to make changes to your lifestyle so it is one you can afford. Over time you can start to build your working hours back up (such as when the children go to school) and you can ease back on the cutbacks.

    Plenty of people manage with incomes such as yours, there is no reason you can not. It may take some time to get accustomed but you can do it. The debt free board would help, as there are some great money saving tips on there!
  • Shelldean
    Shelldean Posts: 2,389
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    HampshireH wrote: »
    Just out of interest why would a rental property cost you £1k a month. What area would you be renting in?

    That's an expensive bed house/flat.

    You say you shouldn't be worse off but that really does depend on what lifestyle you are accustomed to and you haven't really explained what that is. In saying you know you can't live as before you concede you will be worse off regardless?

    . It just sounds like your asking a lot but you haven't really provided the facts for a fair assessment to be made before commenting.

    If you work 2 day can you not get a 2nd job on the other 3 around school hours?

    London probably. My daughter pays over that for a two bed flat, zone six. So not central London
  • Detroit
    Detroit Posts: 790 Forumite
    With reference to your question about costs, your local citizens advice may be able to refer you for a free initial appointment with a family solicitor.

    Although the solicitor would not act for you free of charge, they could give an indication of the costs.

    Those firms to whom citizens advice offices refer are often vetted to ensure they do not charge excessively, and in some cases carry out some of the work without charge.

    Make sure you ask about fees at the start.


    Put your hands up.
  • I would suggest changing the days he has them to your working day, and he has to make the childcare arrangements for these days, so this reduces your costs. The CM seems low but this is because he has them them those two nights during the week, but actually that isn't a true reflection as you have them all day so are feeding them and caring for them all day, which should be part of his costs hence why the CM reduced for him having them those two nights.

    I don't see in this instance why you should get spousal maintenance. Just because he earns alot of money and you feel it is his fault you are divorcing doesn't mean he should pay you monthly pocket money. Obviously the child maintenance yes. You need to make changes to your lifestyle so it is one you can afford. Over time you can start to build your working hours back up (such as when the children go to school) and you can ease back on the cutbacks.

    Plenty of people manage with incomes such as yours, there is no reason you can not. It may take some time to get accustomed but you can do it. The debt free board would help, as there are some great money saving tips on there!

    I have put your suggestion to him before, but he refuses to change the days as it apparently fits in with his work schedule.
    I do live in London, My children are used to a bedroom each and a garden. I see no reason why they should suffer and be worse off. This is all about them not me. I really don't think I could hold down two jobs anyway, there are personal reasons why that would not be possible. I will contact CAB for further advice.
  • WillowCat
    WillowCat Posts: 974
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    To answer your original question about court costs, if you DIY it all, it is relatively cheap. £255 for the filing of Form A to start the process (plus the cost of one session with a mediator to sign the form).

    If, however, you are represented then the costs increase greatly. It's quite normal if you go to a full contested final hearing for the costs to exceed £25k.

    My ex thought he could change his mind on our agreed settlement and take me to the cleaners, and while he didn't get representation for all the hearings it still cost him in the region of £20k. The judge awarded him nothing more than he already had.

    Of course most people settle before the final hearing, but there is a danger that once you start court proceedings, he will use the fact that he thinks you can't afford it to entrench his position.
  • enthusiasticsaver
    enthusiasticsaver Posts: 15,445
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    Putting aside the issue of no more hours being available at work if your child care costs increase so will your tax credits.

    Have you gone for shared custody? Normally the primary caregiver would get a bigger percentage of the house. He will need to be released from the mortgage so can you not push for a larger percentage or agree for it to be sold once the children have left school? He won't want that as it stops him buying another property. What about moving away from London to a cheaper area to take up full time work elsewhere? Is that a possibility?
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  • John-K_3
    John-K_3 Posts: 681 Forumite
    I appreciate that I can't expect to live as before, but I don't expect to be worse off either.
    Ah, I can see the problem here.

    You will be worse off, and it is crazy to think that you will not be. You both will. Your joint wages were shared before, paying for one household. Now they pay for two.

    The nice things you had before, some will go. You will probably live in a smaller house, possibly in a worse street, with an older car and fewer holidays.

    It will be the same for your husband.
  • FBaby
    FBaby Posts: 18,367
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    I job share, my job was FT originally, but when I returned after my first child they allowed job share. I am in a specialised job, which would pay more full time, but by the time I paid for child care for the baby FT wouldn't be practical. Naturally, due to my qualifications I don't want to move away from my field. Believe me I have looked. I don't see the point of working longer hours and making childcare payments to swallow it up. I get credits for CC but would have to pay for 3 more days, time I took into account fares to work, I would really be no better off.
    You're in London but couldn't possibly find a FT position? You're in a specialised job but you wouldn't be able to afford childcare, even though your eldest will 'only' need breakfast and/or afterschool club?

    You blame job share but for all you know, your colleague might decide to change job and you would have the option to apply for your job FT.

    I personally think your ex would have no trouble at all justifying that you do have control over your finances and that you working only 2 days is that of your choice. You say it yourself that you don't see the point of working long hours for all if it to be swallowed in childcare. Well I'm afraid that's what many single mothers do and accept the situation rather than expect their exes to support their choice of working minimum hours.

    I worked FT when my 2 kids were still both in nursery when my ex and I separated. Not only did I not get any spousal maintenance but I didn't even get and children maintenance! I would have been over the moon just to get the latter, especially at the rate you're getting. Oh yes, working only 2 days whilst still being able to afford all the luxuries would have been wonderful, but it doesn't work this way and if you think a judge would think it is reasonable, I think you are aiming for a big disappointment and your ex gloating.
  • KxMx
    KxMx Posts: 10,578
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    A 3 bed property so your kids (7 &18mo) can have a bedroom each is a luxury.

    You are now a single parent and can't expect the same lifestyle you had as when you were in a couple.

    Move to a 2 bed or find cutbacks elsewhere to fund the 3 bed. Or find a way to increase your earnings, instead of holding your hand out to ex for more.
  • pinkshoes
    pinkshoes Posts: 20,039
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    I do live in London, My children are used to a bedroom each and a garden. I see no reason why they should suffer and be worse off. This is all about them not me. I really don't think I could hold down two jobs anyway, there are personal reasons why that would not be possible. I will contact CAB for further advice.

    A bedroom each and a garden is a luxury.

    It IS about the kids, and the things you are listing are materialistic things. They do not NEED a bedroom each. They need attention from their parents and to have fun.

    Stop thinking about what you CANNOT do with your lack of money now that you are two separate households, and instead focus on what you CAN do.

    It is not a competition. Designer clothes will not being happiness.
    Should've = Should HAVE (not 'of')
    Would've = Would HAVE (not 'of')

    No, I am not perfect, but yes I do judge people on their use of basic English language. If you didn't know the above, then learn it! (If English is your second language, then you are forgiven!)
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