Day in the Life of Bob - people who offer unwanted advice
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bobwilson
Posts: 595 Forumite
Has anyone noticed how so many people offer personal advice you didn't ask for on topics they have absolutely zero experience of, that you have decades of experience in?
When you explain your experience has taught you otherwise (and give examples of actual experiences), they get irritated or accuse you of "not listening" even though you have listened?
Does "you're not listening" translate to "I'm annoyed you're not going to use my advice" for some people? I personally wouldn't dream of giving advice to someone who has more experience than me- if anything, I'd be asking about their experiences.
So, when you don't follow their advice they get annoyed and accuse of not having heard them, but when you do follow their advice, they either disappear or say "oh well it was just advice, you chose to follow it". You can't win. :mad:
Am I the only person to encounter this numerous times?
When you explain your experience has taught you otherwise (and give examples of actual experiences), they get irritated or accuse you of "not listening" even though you have listened?
Does "you're not listening" translate to "I'm annoyed you're not going to use my advice" for some people? I personally wouldn't dream of giving advice to someone who has more experience than me- if anything, I'd be asking about their experiences.
So, when you don't follow their advice they get annoyed and accuse of not having heard them, but when you do follow their advice, they either disappear or say "oh well it was just advice, you chose to follow it". You can't win. :mad:
Am I the only person to encounter this numerous times?
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Comments
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It depends what the advice is on.
For example..qould0 -
My apologies...my keyboard had a moment and posted too soon!
Ahem..
It depends what the advice is on! And even then,it's relative.
For instance, would I take my mum's advice on a relationship issue? Sure. She's seen a lot and experienced a lot of interpersonal relationships situations in her life.
Would I take her advice on housing areas? Sure, she's lived in the country for longer than I have.
Would I take her advice on mortgage/house buying/job searching? Not particularly...as it's been 30+ years since she did any of those things and times have changed significantly.
There are some things which transcend the time passed and some which do not.
I also understand the frustration you feel at having your opinion quashed, or receiving unsolicited advice. However bear in mind few people actually set out to offend. In the age of the internet, everyone's an expert! /S0 -
Thought it was obligatory on MSE forums to offer opinions on subjects on which you have very little knowledge, on the basis that common sense should dictate your advice is correct even where those pesky laws say otherwise?
Or are you referring to real life?
Although, tbh, the same applies there as well. Although on some subjects possibly without the occasional person who does actually have expert knowledge?All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.
Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.0 -
Has anyone noticed how so many people offer personal advice you didn't ask for on topics they have absolutely zero experience of, that you have decades of experience in?
When you explain your experience has taught you otherwise (and give examples of actual experiences), they get irritated or accuse you of "not listening" even though you have listened?
Does "you're not listening" translate to "I'm annoyed you're not going to use my advice" for some people? I personally wouldn't dream of giving advice to someone who has more experience than me- if anything, I'd be asking about their experiences.
So, when you don't follow their advice they get annoyed and accuse of not having heard them, but when you do follow their advice, they either disappear or say "oh well it was just advice, you chose to follow it". You can't win. :mad:
Am I the only person to encounter this numerous times?
I agree people shouldn't be giving advice if they don't know what they are talking about and i have seen this happen but they usually get told they are wrong by other people with examples, especially if it's factually wrong.
But just because someone has more experience than you doesn't mean they know everything and can't learn something new.
Just look at the debt-free wannabee forum; many people on there have many many years experience of managing their finances but still are unable to budget and get in debt.
Having lots of experience of something doesn't mean you have been doing it right for all that time and certainly doesn't mean you can't learn something new.
People often get set in their ways and people generally are resistant to change. So when you see a better way of doing something and you tell that to them you could say that is "unwanted advice" but your only trying to help.0 -
I have a business contact who has been in 'the game' for over 20 years - I've had mine for around 1/3 of that time, but I'm much more astute in terms of online sales and the various rules and regulations.
He admits such, and is always happy for my input.
It's not always as black and white as you make out
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Having lots of experience of something doesn't mean you have been doing it right for all that time and certainly doesn't mean you can't learn something new.
That's not quite what I meant.
I meant for example quite literally repeated experience proving something specific does not work, yet said person (with no experience of it) keeps insisting you use / try it. When you explain your experience, said person becomes irritated and accuses you of "not listening".
If you eventually get sick of their attitude & actually follow their advice to show them first hand it doesn't work, they either disappear or say "oh well it was just advice, your choice"
Does anyone else have real life experience like this?
It could be something important across to something as trivial as a marker pen on a specific surface.0 -
I take it you're not a woman, Bob? We're very used to this. Did you see the news article about ridiculous menstruation advice women have been given by men? I've learnt to say things like 'thanks, I'll try just holding it in, never even considered it!' and then go somewhere private to laugh my tits off.0
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I take it you're not a woman, Bob? We're very used to this. Did you see the news article about ridiculous menstruation advice women have been given by men? I've learnt to say things like 'thanks, I'll try just holding it in, never even considered it!' and then go somewhere private to laugh my tits off.
But presumably men would accept that you have more experience in the field rather than accusing you of "not listening" when you try to explain it to them?0 -
But presumably men would accept that you have more experience in the field rather than accusing you of "not listening" when you try to explain it to them?
No, they just explain even harder. Menstruation, you might have a hope of convincing them you might just know more - politics, sport, finance? No chance. Apparently I know about knitting and kittens and nothing else.0 -
No, they just explain even harder. Menstruation, you might have a hope of convincing them you might just know more - politics, sport, finance? No chance. Apparently I know about knitting and kittens and nothing else.
What you're describing is a combination of ignorance & arrogance. Maybe it's just the culture lots of men have where you live? I don't know men where I live who would behave that bad!0
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