Made A Terrible Mistake
Comments
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ajak81 thank you for a very thoughtful comment,if I'm honest I will say I would have probably kept quiet, I think because I panicked and looked at reality. I now realise it was wrong.You are spot on regardless of circumstance having a baby is a joyous occasion. On one hand I'm excited on another I'm apprehensive.
fibonarchie I am taking all advice and if I'm honest everyone has given good advice. I know his wife will probably find out one day as the truth always comes out. I don't even want to think about it right now, the coward that I am hopes it won't be anytime soon, although putting off things does not mean that they go away.
as for him wearing the financial trousers, he certainly earns more than her but she also has a good job , certainly she must earn more than me or similar pay scale.
Judi I will say it again your comments always make much sense, it's done all we can do is find a way to work things through.
gettingthere, his reaction certainly caught me off guard. I'm not sure what his game is . I confess after I told HR and he got to know, when he asked me I tried to pretend it wasn't his, at this time I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. He was having none of it and kept saying it's ours blah blah blah. He has offered to go to appointments, asks when my appointments are etc. I did say I would like to have private scans (excitement) and he offered to pay , fortunately I'm in a position to pay for it myself. As for names when I have been in my excited state I have imagined a little girl ( not that gender matters) and I mentioned to him names that I like, he says it's a boy and suggests his own choice of names. At one time he suggested a name that's the same as one of his boys, it's also my brothers name. He has suggested we both take a day off and do shopping for everything I may need, it's still early so he gave said no.Obviously it's still early days, the excitement may fade as time goes on.
Unholyangel , most posts have been positive considering I'm more sinning than sinned against , as for people like JWM I just ignore them as their comment adds nothing.0 -
unholyangel wrote: »Most of the posts haven't been offensive, but I think the following post would fit that description quite nicely
If you would care to read what I said you will see that I did say that he was the married one but she knew what she was getting into.
In my opinion - a woman who has unprotected sex with a married man who has 3 children IS 'a silly tart'.
As for the husband - I can not say what I think about him on a public forum.
The innocents in this are the wife, the 3 existing children, and the one about to join them.
The OP asked for opinions and that is mine. We all have a choice in life - anyone who cheats in a long term relationship is scum. The one who cheats with them (knowing their situation) deserves no kind words.
All the OP needs to think about now is how to care best for their unborn baby.0 -
Unholyangel , most posts have been positive considering I'm more sinning than sinned against , as for people like JWM I just ignore them as their comment adds nothing.
That's your choice. As someone who has been cheated on (30 years ago now but the scars run deep) I was putting myself in the wife's position.
Moving on. Although you say above that you hope his wife and kids don't find out - I'm not sure if that is wise.
People talk. She (and the children) WILL find out. For all 4 children (their 3 and your 1) this will be a very hard situation to deal with. Its so easy for people to be screwed up in childhood. Do you want your child to be a secret? The only one without Dad's love and attention, possibly resented (unfairly) by the others?
I have no answers for you but usually doing nothing is the worst option, as the longer it goes on the more complex the lies become.
Yes I had harsh words for you, but you are where you are, and none of this is the baby's fault. Please consider how you will handle this going forward - when the truth comes out you will go through a horrible time. But you child has the right to know their father.
I wish you luck0 -
You are very fair and balanced in your points and "silly tart" is not the rudest nor the most unkind thing a person can say. I sometimes laughingly call my cat a "silly tart" and I love my cat
It's all about context
But in this case don't you think that the use of the word "tart" is possibly slightly on the harsh side? Perhaps just "silly" without the "tart" might be more appropriate?
She's just a girl who fell for a charming chap that's all. Who amongst us haven't fallen for the smooth talker before? I think we should be nice, caring and supportive for this girl
Someone from MSE just sent me the funniest clip and it made me hoot with laughter! Sorry if this is offtopic but I just felt I had to share! It's only a minute long
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_kgRFHaNo-Y&feature=youtu.be
I disagree but don't want to derail the thread.
As I said above - moving on......
And that clip is very funny!0 -
triggerfish Thank you for making me smile re-John Major,
ajak81 you are very kind, I know you are not excusing my behaviour but are trying to look at a way forward, indeed so has most commentators . All I can do is learn from my mistake.
JWM thank you for your good wishes , that's very kind0 -
And what happens if you give birth to a disabled child?
Will you still want to go it alone?.0 -
OK.unholyangel wrote: »Most of the posts haven't been offensive, but I think the following post would fit that description quite nicely.
Maybe Kynthia could revise this opinion:There's a lot of rude and offensive posts in this thread0 -
Have you considered that maybe, just maybe, he's fallen madly in love with you, and this is what has led him to have an affair and daydream of you and him being together with your new baby? It's amazing what falling in love can do to the most caring and sensible people when they are naturally a bit naive and are lured into fantasy.ettingthere, his reaction certainly caught me off guard.
How much as I really hope to be wrong, I think you've picked him well. Your goal was to have a child and he was an easy target when you realised he had the hots for you. You let him believe that you fell the same for him as him for you. The moment you got what you wanted, a pregnancy, you were happy to dispose of him, happy to make no trouble for his family, just wanted to get on with your price.
I don't think you have any intention to learn from your mistake because you got what you wanted out of it, a baby and even though you feel a bit bad about it, you will tell yourself that the end result justified the means, even though your decision will leave a trail of pain and sorrow behind and a child without a father.0 -
This post ^^^^ assumes that the OP wanted a child and used this man as a sperm donor.Have you considered that maybe, just maybe, he's fallen madly in love with you, and this is what has led him to have an affair and daydream of you and him being together with your new baby? It's amazing what falling in love can do to the most caring and sensible people when they are naturally a bit naive and are lured into fantasy.
How much as I really hope to be wrong, I think you've picked him well. Your goal was to have a child and he was an easy target when you realised he had the hots for you. You let him believe that you fell the same for him as him for you. The moment you got what you wanted, a pregnancy, you were happy to dispose of him, happy to make no trouble for his family, just wanted to get on with your price.
I don't think you have any intention to learn from your mistake because you got what you wanted out of it, a baby and even though you feel a bit bad about it, you will tell yourself that the end result justified the means, even though your decision will leave a trail of pain and sorrow behind and a child without a father.
I've not got that impression from any of the OP's posts.
Have I missed something?
All I can see about the OP's intentions is this:I agree, only this was not planned but it's happened and I have to deal with it. I will admit once I discovered I was pregnant I hoped he would run a mile, selfish but wanted to avoid complications. I'm almost annoyed at his enthusiasm.0 -
If you initially wanted him to have no part in the child's upbringing, it sounds odd that you would be discussing names for the child.gettingthere, his reaction certainly caught me off guard. I'm not sure what his game is . I confess after I told HR and he got to know, when he asked me I tried to pretend it wasn't his, at this time I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. He was having none of it and kept saying it's ours blah blah blah. He has offered to go to appointments, asks when my appointments are etc. I did say I would like to have private scans (excitement) and he offered to pay , fortunately I'm in a position to pay for it myself. As for names when I have been in my excited state I have imagined a little girl ( not that gender matters) and I mentioned to him names that I like, he says it's a boy and suggests his own choice of names. At one time he suggested a name that's the same as one of his boys, it's also my brothers name. He has suggested we both take a day off and do shopping for everything I may need, it's still early so he gave said no.Obviously it's still early days, the excitement may fade as time goes on.
In your first post you said:
TBH, that sounded somewhat stalker-ish behaviour but it now sounds like you've been giving him mixed messages.I slept with a married man, yes I know it was wrong but what's done is done. I'm now 8wks pregnant and have decided to keep the baby. I did not want to involve the father, but he guessed it was his and eventually I admitted it. I can look /provide tor the baby alone. Financially I'm in a good place. he seems excited, wants accompany me to all my appointments, is suggesting names etc. I have tried to tell him that I do not wish to still be involved with him but he keeps calling, texting asking how I am.He is also offering money but I have said no. I'm thinking of moving and changing my no, but that would mean leaving my well paid job . Any suggestions on how I can deal with this.
yes I know I was wrong0
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