Made A Terrible Mistake
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I think sooner or later your going to have to decide for yourself and your child, whether you want him 100% or 0%. bearing in mind do you want your child growing up without a contact/father figure/ good luck with whatever you decide.0
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A baby. That's the wonderful bit.Sounds like you'll make an excellent mother.0
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Polly thank you for your good wishes
Holly that's really kind, i just wish i had made a better choice but I cannot change it. I hope I will be a good parent.
Klew: you are right (deep down I want 0% of him in our life) but of course I have to do the right thing. How much he will be involved is another question as he has another family so cannot be available all the time. Financially it will be easier for him than to be there physically. at most he can only see us during work times and the odd weekend.
Finorbirchie, I have not really discussed with him about putting his name on the birth certificate,I would prefer the baby to have my last name, my reason of not putting him would be to protect him as well. If his wife was to find out it would create more problems. However I have to think of the baby as well.
Chelsea I agree its the right thing, unfortunately. I will have to think about it and maybe discuss it with him. humans don't always chose the right thing0 -
Polly thank you for your good wishes
Holly that's really kind, i just wish i had made a better choice but I cannot change it. I hope I will be a good parent.
Klew: you are right (deep down I want 0% of him in our life) but of course I have to do the right thing. How much he will be involved is another question as he has another family so cannot be available all the time. Financially it will be easier for him than to be there physically. at most he can only see us during work times and the odd weekend.
Finorbirchie, I have not really discussed with him about putting his name on the birth certificate,I would prefer the baby to have my last name, my reason of not putting him would be to protect him as well. If his wife was to find out it would create more problems. However I have to think of the baby as well.
Chelsea I agree its the right thing, unfortunately. I will have to think about it and maybe discuss it with him. humans don't always chose the right thing
it's irrelevant, you aren't married, you cant put his name on even if you wanted to.
As for contact, leave it open for 6-12 months and see.
A number of studies suggest men struggle to bond with babies and develop stronger bonds from around age 3 onwards; this is often down to the style of interaction and play that they can have with the child.0 -
Overwhelming sadness right here. That poor baby and it's (unknown) siblings. They're the losers here. It's frightening how much power the OP has over her innocent child.0
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Lioness_Twinkletoes wrote: »Overwhelming sadness right here. That poor baby and it's (unknown) siblings. They're the losers here. It's frightening how much power the OP has over her innocent child.
It is frightening how much power all mothers have over their innocent children.0 -
Do you mean because their Father's actions mean there is the potential to screw up the children's lives if they find out?Lioness_Twinkletoes wrote: »Overwhelming sadness right here. That poor baby and it's (unknown) siblings. They're the losers here. It's frightening how much power the OP has over her innocent child.
Or because it's possible that the siblings will never know each other?0 -
it's irrelevant, you aren't married, you cant put his name on even if you wanted to.
As for contact, leave it open for 6-12 months and see.
A number of studies suggest men struggle to bond with babies and develop stronger bonds from around age 3 onwards; this is often down to the style of interaction and play that they can have with the child.
When my son was born 6 months ago and I made an appointment to register his birth I was told that if I wasn't married but wanted my partners name on the certificate then he would need to attend the appointment with me. If we were already married I just had to take the marriage certificate with me. So the father could be put on the birth certificate but he would need to attend the appointment.0 -
Mummy2cheekymonkeys wrote: »When my son was born 6 months ago and I made an appointment to register his birth I was told that if I wasn't married but wanted my partners name on the certificate then he would need to attend the appointment with me. If we were already married I just had to take the marriage certificate with me. So the father could be put on the birth certificate but he would need to attend the appointment.
Same here. Our son was born before we got married so we both had to go to the registration appointment0 -
it's irrelevant, you aren't married, you cant put his name on even if you wanted to.Mummy2cheekymonkeys wrote: »When my son was born 6 months ago and I made an appointment to register his birth I was told that if I wasn't married but wanted my partners name on the certificate then he would need to attend the appointment with me. If we were already married I just had to take the marriage certificate with me. So the father could be put on the birth certificate but he would need to attend the appointment.
Indeed, don't any of you remember the excitement when it transpired that Ed Milliband wasn't on the birth certificate for either of his children, because he'd not gone to the registry office with their mum!chelseablue wrote: »Same here. Our son was born before we got married so we both had to go to the registration appointment
BUT having the father's name on the birth certificate is actually not relevant to how the child is named or known. The OP can register her name as the child's surname.
However I'm astonished the OP still seems to think the wife might not find out. Personally I'd rather not have that hanging over me: I'd encourage him to tell her.Signature removed for peace of mind0
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