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  • FIRST POST
    • Zeus9876
    • By Zeus9876 31st Mar 18, 11:17 AM
    • 119Posts
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    Zeus9876
    Need advice about DWP and CSA
    • #1
    • 31st Mar 18, 11:17 AM
    Need advice about DWP and CSA 31st Mar 18 at 11:17 AM
    Ok here goes

    Im an American citizen, met and married my ex wife in 2001, we had 2 children who are now 15 and 13. Wife threw me out because she said I was too controlling, divorce was final Jan 2018. Im now living back in the states and ex and kids are in the uk. My ex is disabled and IVe never worked while living in the uk. IVe only ever received carer allowance which she still gets now. She doesnt want any money from me, she said this on the divorce papers also. She says the DWP is looking for me, for me to pay child support? How can they make me pay and make her better off money wise when shes Now even better off claiming as a single parent? She threw me out, making me homeless so Ive had no choice but to live with family here in the states, and now they want to make me pay? I do send my girls money, I do help pay for things that my girls need, but feel like I shouldnt be forced to pay child support when we have only ever lived on benefits the 16 yrs that we were married. I feel like she should be paying me alimony but thats another story.
    If I was to pay child support she would only use it to pay bills because since shes got rid of me her credit cards are nearly maxed and what was the joint account is left over drawn and not to mention the near 15k debt in my name
    Last edited by Zeus9876; 31-03-2018 at 11:24 AM.
Page 1
    • HoneyNutLoop
    • By HoneyNutLoop 2nd Apr 18, 9:34 PM
    • 512 Posts
    • 400 Thanks
    HoneyNutLoop
    • #2
    • 2nd Apr 18, 9:34 PM
    • #2
    • 2nd Apr 18, 9:34 PM
    Well, I think the key learning point here is donít believe everything your ex tells you - do your own research.

    CMS (CSA is closed to new applications) only has jurisdiction to calculate and collect maintenance if all parties are habitually resident in the UK. As you have returned to the states, any case she may have opened would need to close from the date you ceased to be habitually resident here.

    However, she can then apply to a UK court to get a court order for maintenance and then apply via REMO to get that order enforced in the States if you donít pay it voluntarily (I believe all US states are signed up to REMO, but you should probably double check for yourself).

    CMS can only pursue you for arrears from any valid application made and set up prior to you leaving the UK and only against income/assets that fall within the UKís jurisdiction.
    I often use a tablet to post, so sometimes my posts will have random letters inserted, or entirely the wrong word if autocorrect is trying to wind me up. Hopefully you'll still know what I mean.
    • pmduk
    • By pmduk 3rd Apr 18, 7:59 PM
    • 9,017 Posts
    • 6,747 Thanks
    pmduk
    • #3
    • 3rd Apr 18, 7:59 PM
    • #3
    • 3rd Apr 18, 7:59 PM
    Should your ex apply to get any order enforced via REMO, I'd suggest checking the local sanctions for non-payment of support. I understand most US states have harsh penalties for deadbeat fathers.
    • Zeus9876
    • By Zeus9876 24th May 18, 2:11 PM
    • 119 Posts
    • 111 Thanks
    Zeus9876
    • #4
    • 24th May 18, 2:11 PM
    • #4
    • 24th May 18, 2:11 PM
    Should your ex apply to get any order enforced via REMO, I'd suggest checking the local sanctions for non-payment of support. I understand most US states have harsh penalties for deadbeat fathers.
    Originally posted by pmduk
    For your information, Iím not a deadbeat father if thatís what you were referring to. If not the. I apologize in advance. I raised my children until my ex decided she didnít want to be married any longer. Sheís not out of pocket anything with me not being there, sheís incurred loads of debt since Iíve been gone, and I think she may be planning to go the child support route to pay her bills. As Iíve said in original post, sheís disabled and Iíve never worked while we were married. I brought my children up, I got up with them in the night, I changed their nappies, I cooked them food. It wasnít my doing to get a divorce without even trying to work it out, so why should she be allowed to get a divorce, say she doesnít want child support of the divorce application, and now finding herself in so much debt think she can claim child support to pay her bills? If my children asks for money I send it, i even help with expenses with some activities that my children do, so I really donít think I fall into the deadbeat father category.
    • pmlindyloo
    • By pmlindyloo 24th May 18, 2:43 PM
    • 11,818 Posts
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    pmlindyloo
    • #5
    • 24th May 18, 2:43 PM
    • #5
    • 24th May 18, 2:43 PM
    For your information, I!!!8217;m not a deadbeat father if that!!!8217;s what you were referring to. If not the. I apologize in advance. I raised my children until my ex decided she didn!!!8217;t want to be married any longer. She!!!8217;s not out of pocket anything with me not being there, she!!!8217;s incurred loads of debt since I!!!8217;ve been gone, and I think she may be planning to go the child support route to pay her bills. As I!!!8217;ve said in original post, she!!!8217;s disabled and I!!!8217;ve never worked while we were married. I brought my children up, I got up with them in the night, I changed their nappies, I cooked them food. It wasn!!!8217;t my doing to get a divorce without even trying to work it out, so why should she be allowed to get a divorce, say she doesn!!!8217;t want child support of the divorce application, and now finding herself in so much debt think she can claim child support to pay her bills? If my children asks for money I send it, i even help with expenses with some activities that my children do, so I really don!!!8217;t think I fall into the deadbeat father category.
    Originally posted by Zeus9876
    I cannot see that the DWP can force you to pay child support.

    What may have happened is that your ex has debts which need to be taken from her benefits and on receiving her income and expenditure form to work out how much can be deducted they queried the lack of child support and advised her to pursue this.

    You say as part of the divorce agreement your ex stated that she did not want any child support. Is this actually written down in any legal papers?


    Regardless of this I do think you ought to reconsider your refusal to pay. In the end it is your children who will suffer - their mother may not be the best mother in the world but why should they suffer through her failings? Yes, she may be paying off debt but in a way your children will benefit from this.

    It is always difficult when we hear only one side of the story but I can understand your anger about everything.

    My advice would be to set up a regular payment for child support. Do you visit with your children?

    You say that if your children ask for money you send it. They shouldn't have to ask for it. This isn't what child support is about. It is about providing a home over their heads, food in their stomachs and not about the 'failings' of your ex. Teenagers are extremely expensive and how do you know the debts weren't run up to provide for them? Your ex, if disabled will not be receiving a great deal of money each week, believe me. You chose her, they are your children and IMO you should support them through child support.

    And, by the way, she cannot be receiving Carer's Allowance still. Carer's Allowance would have been for you and you are no longer caring for her.
    Last edited by pmlindyloo; 24-05-2018 at 2:46 PM.
    • Zeus9876
    • By Zeus9876 24th May 18, 10:32 PM
    • 119 Posts
    • 111 Thanks
    Zeus9876
    • #6
    • 24th May 18, 10:32 PM
    • #6
    • 24th May 18, 10:32 PM
    You say as part of the divorce agreement your ex stated that she did not want any child support. Is this actually written down in any legal papers?

    Itís not on any legal papers but the section about wanting support is left blank




    My advice would be to set up a regular payment for child support. Do you visit with your children?

    I do visit my children and they come visit me when we can afford the plane tickets. Being 3,000 miles away is kinda hard to see them often.





    Teenagers are extremely expensive and how do you know the debts weren't run up to provide for them?

    Because I used to manage all the bills and still can access one credit card and can see whatís been spent. Cash withdrawals for the divorce, concert tickets, holidays away, etc etc and now that card is in arrears because she not paying it.

    Your ex, if disabled will not be receiving a great deal of money each week, believe me.

    She does ok with the money she gets, trust me. We managed 16 years on benefits because I never worked the whole time we were married as I cared for her. So I know what money she gets and itís more than Iím getting working here in the states.




    And, by the way, she cannot be receiving Carer's Allowance still. Carer's Allowance would have been for you and you are no longer caring for her.


    She is as she can have it paid directly to her

    Originally posted by pmlindyloo
    Replies in quote
    • elsien
    • By elsien 24th May 18, 10:36 PM
    • 17,132 Posts
    • 43,200 Thanks
    elsien
    • #7
    • 24th May 18, 10:36 PM
    • #7
    • 24th May 18, 10:36 PM
    What your ex has/hasn't done is irrelevant. It may not be enforceable but you chose to have children, therefore you should continue to support them properly, not just as and when you choose. Not her, them. They deserve better.
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
    • Zeus9876
    • By Zeus9876 24th May 18, 11:09 PM
    • 119 Posts
    • 111 Thanks
    Zeus9876
    • #8
    • 24th May 18, 11:09 PM
    • #8
    • 24th May 18, 11:09 PM
    Once I get on my feet I!!!8217;ll be in a better position to do so. I!!!8217;m nearly 50 years old and living with my parents because she took away everything I had. Only reason I!!!8217;m here in the states is because she left me with no place to live, I didn!!!8217;t have a job, the car is a Motability car and she took me off the ins so I had no car, so I would!!!8217;ve been living on the streets which I wasn!!!8217;t going to do. Now I have to start my life again but unfortunately it gotta be here in the states for now. I have a job, a car, and soon I!!!8217;ll have a place of my own, it!!!8217;s a sad situation through no fault of my own and once I have to start paying rent just means less of a chance I get to see my kids as that!!!8217;s even less money I have.

    I don!!!8217;t mind paying child support, do get me wrong, but my original question was if she didn!!!8217;t file for it when she filed for divorce how can she now? But anyways thanks for the replies, and I will continue to do what I can for my kids as I always have. They!!!8217;ve never went without and they never will.
    • HoneyNutLoop
    • By HoneyNutLoop 25th May 18, 8:11 AM
    • 512 Posts
    • 400 Thanks
    HoneyNutLoop
    • #9
    • 25th May 18, 8:11 AM
    • #9
    • 25th May 18, 8:11 AM
    Leaving a section of a form blank does not mean she said she didnít want child support. She simply chose not to apply for it through the courts at the point of your divorce. Possibly because you were still living in the UK then and she knew she could apply via CMS.

    Anyway, she did not lose her opportunity to apply by not asking for it as part of your divorce proceedings - it doesnít work that way.

    While your children are still children she can apply at any time, for any reason. Your children are entiltled to ongoing financial support from both parents.

    It would be worth you looking at how the State in which you live determines child support amounts, to get an idea of how much you may be expected to pay and what penalties the courts could levy on you if you donít pay.

    You might as well plan for the eventuality that you will have to pay regular child support, as she is legally able to apply for it and get it enforced.
    I often use a tablet to post, so sometimes my posts will have random letters inserted, or entirely the wrong word if autocorrect is trying to wind me up. Hopefully you'll still know what I mean.
    • pmduk
    • By pmduk 26th May 18, 1:01 PM
    • 9,017 Posts
    • 6,747 Thanks
    pmduk
    Most Governments now take the attitude that both parents should be paying for the children they have created. My earlier warning about deadbeat parents was an attempt to warn you that many US States resort to imprisonment at a much earlier stage than the UK. I'm sorry if you dislike the term deadbeat, but if you're leaving the UK benefits system to provide for your children I believe it to be an apt term.
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