Waiting for a proposal - how did you stay sane?!

victoriamarie · 9 June 2011 at 9:11AM

Try 9 years for an agonising wait!

The best advice I can give is not to let it affect your relationship. Although I waited a long time I was not patient and we had a lot of arguments over it. It wasn't that he didn't want to marry me, he just said he didn't feel ready yet. No amount of hinting, pressuring and crying could have changed that. Looking back the thing that upset me the most was other people constantly asking me when I was going to get engaged and making a joke out of it. Now we're getting married in a few weeks I wouldn't change the wedding I am having for the world.

If you know he wants to marry you someday, make sure he knows how you feel. If you are happy in your relationship then it will be worth the wait xxx

Idiophreak · 9 June 2011 at 9:26AM

Quite worried reading this thread...I waited 10 years to propose to W2B...but I didn't really think I was putting her through any agonising....I just wanted to be in the right place...we were 6 years into our relationship by the time we'd finished school...We'd been together 8 years by the time we'd bought our first house...and I wanted to be able to afford the right ring, the right wedding etc - so I didn't see any point in rushing things and making do with something that was less than ideal...

That said, we're both relatively young, and I was always very open about the fact that I'd propose as soon as I thought we had enough money - so maybe that helped keep her sane for all those years. She was dropping fairly severe hints by the end, but I thought she was joking more than anything :eek:

Swinstie73 · 9 June 2011 at 11:06AM

I was in the same boat, was with OH for 3 years, everything going great but kindof just ticking along not really going anywhere. Used to get the 'I'll be picking you up from the bingo on my way back from the bowling' - i.e. as oldies, comments but still no proposal. I ended up feeling like our relationship was stagnating and we had the kids/marriage conversation. Turns out he didn't want anymore kids (has a 19 year old) and I've never been maternal so was relieved at that, BUT I said I'd like to get married and get a house together, we're getting married in November and have just bought a house together. He has since admitted he would've proposed sooner and just needed a wee push - think he was more worried about the financial side of things. We'll be 4.5 years together when married.

VICSH · 9 June 2011 at 1:37PM

HI I jsut wanted to give another veiw point.

MY H2B and I had our son in October 2009 from the moment he was born I was DESPERATE to get married I hinted and I nudged, he said he wanted to marry me but yet no proposal. I spent every special date wondering whether it would come, we went to London for the day and night for a break from the baby about 9 months after he was born I was CONVINCED it would happen, it didnt and I felt a bit disappointed. From that moment on I decided to just be patience and stop thinking about it!

After our son's birthdya came and went, then on one random date I came home and he proposed!

We spoke after why it took him so long (well to me over a year is a long time lol), and boring as it sounds it is practicalities he wanted to buy me the best ring, have the best wedding we could afford and while I was on maternity pay and the stress of haivng a new baby it wouldnt have been right. Some men do need a nudge others are geniuenly more sensible about logistics...
Good luck xxx

kavics17 · 9 June 2011 at 1:49PM

nykied wrote: »

I got engaged this year and I'd been with my OH for almost 6 and a half years. He's been engaged before (as have I) and occasionally I'd have a drunken night out and say he didn't love me enough to marry me. He said he was waiting until we moved in together. We moved in together in August 2009 and I patiently waited until Christmas of that year. Then I waited until New Year 2010. Then Valentine's Day. Then my birthday (March 3rd). Then Christmas. Then New Year 2011. Then Valentine's Day. Then my birthday. I was upset that night as he obviously wasn't going to bother.

Then he proposed the day after my birthday. Who on earth proposes the day AFTER someone's birthday? :eek::rotfl:

Mine did:o. And I said NO:o. Though the reason he proposed because I cried all night on my birthday for not getting engaged once again... And the next day he figured out what was the crying about, so he proposed...And I said no cause he did it for the wrong reason:D. Don't ever try to understand me:D.

p.s: we got engaged the following Xmas though I don't want to get married anymore:D. Did I mention not to try to understand me??

jtr2803 · 9 June 2011 at 1:56PM

VictoriaMarie I sympathise with the work colleague thing, I found out last year that three of them had actually places bets on whether my OH would propose in 2009 because they were all sure he would

. When we got back from holiday one walked straight up to me, grabbed my left hand and then shouted so everyone could hear 'he didn't do it then?'. I wanted to burst into tears on the spot.

Idiophreak, it's nice to hear the other side of the coin! 10 years is a long time but as you were so young it does make sense, I think if we were ten years younger then it would be totally different, I am sure I would still want the proposal but it wouldn't be as desperately as now! :rotfl:

Swinstie, that's exactly how I feel, maybe we shouldn't have moved in together so quickly? We also don't have any plans for children, certainly not in the next 3/4 years anyway so it's not a case of 'we need to get hitched before babies'. I do feel like we are just coasting at the moment.

I should probably point out that I have made it very clear it is something I want to happen, I have also given him the opportunity to tell me if he has changed his mind. Last summer I had a bit of an emotional breakdown due to stress of exams, work and something he said about marriage. I sat him down and explained that it was very important to me and that I needed to know it was on the agenda for us as I felt like he was giving me mixed signals. I guess I am worried that another year has gone by and he doesn't seem to have taken any of it on board and I have momentary panics where I am going to be waiting forever....actually I don't think I would wait forever, I am pretty sure I would leave.

I think I always had in my head that I would be married by 30 and seeing as it's 9 months away it is unlikely. I know a lot of women who have 'goals' to have reached by the time they are 30 so I know I am not a total fruitloop :rotfl:. Without sounding like the proverbial green eyed monster I am dreading the day one of his friends proposes as I think it might tip me over the edge. Even a few others have mentioned us getting married but it just seems to go over his head. I did tell him last night that he can't dangle a carrot over my head (he can dangle a carat though

) because it's not fair.

puffinmuffin · 9 June 2011 at 1:57PM

Mine proposed last week (on my birthday) after 3.5 years but i was getting very impatient by then, i don't know how much longer i would have waited without doing it myself (done the waiting patiently thing before and didn't get what i wanted)! There was sort of a deadline in that we are planning to go away for 6 months next year and had always said it would be our honeymoon.

Funniest thing is, he always said he would propose when he could afford a ring (he has been paying off debts) even though i said it didn't matter to me. In the end he had to do it with a plastic one as the real one arrived a day late!

jtr2803 · 9 June 2011 at 1:57PM

kavics17 wrote: »

Mine did:o. And I said NO:o. Though the reason he proposed because I cried all night on my birthday for not getting engaged once again... And the next day he figured out what was the crying about, so he proposed...And I said no cause he did it for the wrong reason:D. Don't ever try to understand me:D.

p.s: we got engaged the following Xmas though I don't want to get married anymore:D. Did I mention not to try to understand me??

:rotfl: I remember this story!! Don't blame you for saying no the first time

jtr2803 · 9 June 2011 at 2:00PM

puffinmuffin wrote: »

Mine proposed last week (on my birthday) after 3.5 years but i was getting very impatient by then, i don't know how much longer i would have waited without doing it myself (done the waiting patiently thing before and didn't get what i wanted)! There was sort of a deadline in that we are planning to go away for 6 months next year and had always said it would be our honeymoon

Congratulations Puffin! :beer:

I thought I would get lots of comments along the lines of it's only been 3 years, you are stupid

but I believe I am old enough now to know what I want and I don't want to play guessing and waiting games. In my mind, we have lived together for three years and if he doesn't know yet whether he wants to commit to me now then maybe he never will?

puffinmuffin · 9 June 2011 at 2:03PM

kavics17 wrote: »

Mine did:o. And I said NO:o. Though the reason he proposed because I cried all night on my birthday for not getting engaged once again... And the next day he figured out what was the crying about, so he proposed...And I said no cause he did it for the wrong reason:D. Don't ever try to understand me:D.

p.s: we got engaged the following Xmas though I don't want to get married anymore:D. Did I mention not to try to understand me??

This was me last year, going on about how i might as well start getting cats now as i am already 32 and still not engaged!

Waiting for a proposal - how did you stay sane?!

Comments

Categories

Get our FREE Weekly email full of deals & guides - and it’s spam-free