Suspected affair - Tracking a mobile phone
Comments
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I was highlighting behaviour the OP was proposing to do!Its totally relevant because you chose to highlight the bits that *only* supported your argument. Those are example scenarios given of harassment. Extracting one or two out of context does not prove your point.
The act of stalking is predominantly about exerting control over (usually) an ex partner. Checking where someone is, in the context of getting reassurance that they are doing what they say they are doing is not stalking / harassment.
On which note, I'm out. You're deluded if you think it's ok to follow your partner round just because you want to test the trust.0 -
Every Friday, sure. From now until eternity. YES. If your wife doesn't trust you, your relationship is dead.I said EVERY Friday night - conveniently again missing out words that doesnt support your argument.
- frankly im surprised you're married, but hey maybe you just follow her around to make sure she's where she said she would be,0 -
I was highlighting behaviour the OP was proposing to do!
On which note, I'm out. You're deluded if you think it's ok to follow your partner round just because you want to test the trust.
Yes, i have to go here too - the police are here to arrest me as i contacted someone in the office earlier today. It was to ask them a question about work, but apparently the law is very black and white on stalking.
See you in 51 weeks. :rolleyes:0 -
I am not saying track them with a device however i dont think its unreasonable to confirm where someone is. Otherwise surely you're just giving someone free reign to do as they please within a relationship if they have a mildly plausible cover story.
Doing that is how so many people end up as doormats in abusive relationships as their partner feels they can do what they want and they are afraid to challenge them.
I did not infer that you did. I was referring to following someone, or getting a friend to follow them.
In my opinion that is wrong.
What makes you think that? I could be having an affair, as between work/commuting/staying late at work, I'm usually out of the house anything from 11-14 hours most days. My husband' is similar. Morever, I manage all the finances (he hates numbers) and he'd have no idea if my salary dropped, so I could potentially drop my work hours and spend a lot of time seeing another man or woman.
My husband does lots of lates and is salaried so no overtime is paid--maybe he's not actually working?
Who knows, but we trust each other so it's not an issue. As I said, if I ever did suspect anything, I'd talk to him and we'd sort it out (or change/end) it that way. Apart from checking/stalking being morally wrong, why would I want to waste my time spying on someone who can't keep their **** in their pants! Ewww!
Why would anyone be afraid to challenge their partner about this? Unless the relationship is abusive--in which case there are bigger issues than trust anyway.[FONT="][FONT="] Fighting the biggest battle of my life.
Started 30th January 2018.
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Every Friday, sure. From now until eternity. YES. If your wife doesn't trust you, your relationship is dead.
- frankly im surprised you're married, but hey maybe you just follow her around to make sure she's where she said she would be,
Oh - i thought you were "out"? Was that just a dramatic flounce?
Happily married for 10 years thanks. And looking forward to many more years. :beer:0 -
I did not infer that you did. I was referring to following someone, or getting a friend to follow them.
In my opinion that is wrong.
What makes you think that? I could be having an affair, as between work/commuting/staying late at work, I'm usually out of the house anything from 11-14 hours most days. My husband' is similar. Morever, I manage all the finances (he hates numbers) and he'd have no idea if my salary dropped, so I could potentially drop my work hours and spend a lot of time seeing another man or woman.
My husband does lots of lates and is salaried so no overtime is paid--maybe he's not actually working?
Who knows, but we trust each other so it's not an issue. As I said, if I ever did suspect anything, I'd talk to him and we'd sort it out (or change/end) it that way. Apart from checking/stalking being morally wrong, why would I want to waste my time spying on someone who can't keep their **** in their pants! Ewww!
Why would anyone be afraid to challenge their partner about this? Unless the relationship is abusive--in which case there are bigger issues than trust anyway.
Well it sounds like you are both in a pattern whereby you know what each other are doing and when. I did cite an example of where behaviours suddenly changed.
The risk here is that if the O/P simply challenges the partner they deny it, then the O/P is no better off but the partner then has the opportunity to be more careful.
Under the circumstances the O/P is in, i definitely wouldnt be giving the partner time, comfort and distance to build a new relationship at their leisure.
Maybe you'd be happy to let that happen.0 -
I think it is healthy to want to verify why your marriage is going down the pan, or wanting closure. I mean you have built a whole life with this man, you deserve to know the truth. You deserve it. Do not let anyone tell you different and you know the man better than a forum full of strangers, OP!
A person could walk away based on an anxiety, rather than a fact. I think not knowing could be harmful to a persons mental health, like gaslighting yourself and leading to doubts forever moreThe opposite of what you know...is also true0 -
Well it sounds like you are both in a pattern whereby you know what each other are doing and when. I did cite an example of where behaviours suddenly changed.
The risk here is that if the O/P simply challenges the partner they deny it, then the O/P is no better off but the partner then has the opportunity to be more careful.
Under the circumstances the O/P is in, i definitely wouldnt be giving the partner time, comfort and distance to build a new relationship at their leisure.
Maybe you'd be happy to let that happen.
Not at all. Our schedules are all over the place and it's not unusual for them to suddenly change dramatically. We also have personal social lives on top of work and these go up and down depending on what is happening with mates, how tired we are and so on. But, we trust each other.
If my husband wanted to be with someone else then that's his choice. He's an adult and I don't feel the need to control him. I'm also not interested in spending my life worrying about what he is up to when he's not with me. I trust him and being alone wouldn't worry me. Of course I'd be sad initially, but I'd survive. I have too much self-respect to want to be with someone who doesn't want me.
As I said earlier, we've been together and very happily married for a long time and I totally adore him, but I'm also realistic enough to know that people do change and relationships do end. If that happens I'll cry for a while then I'll pick myself up and create an exciting new future for myself.
The OP here needs to decide that she is worth more than she is accepting from her OH and needs to start treating herself with a lot more respect than she currently is![FONT="][FONT="] Fighting the biggest battle of my life. Started 30th January 2018.
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In which case it's time to talk.
If he's having an affair, which presumably would end the relationship for you, he may well be open about it.
Mr Bugs denied it even when I told him I'd seen him the night before - yes, I stalked. Yes, it was worth it.
Some people might go yes, it's true, I'm having it off with her from number 26, but most would deny it and then they cover their tracks.
You're intending to stalk him. You are in essence the abuser in an abusive relationship if you follow through with this.
You need to know when you are in that position. I suspected something around the beginning of November, by the 21st, Id found out my gut instinct was correct.
OP, for what it's worth, I employed a private detective, though I actually put 2 + 2 together and found out the day before the PD came back to me.
I also put a couple of voice recorders round the house, ones that activate when someone speaks. I'd go out with a cheery, I'm going shopping/ coffee at Xs, I'll be an hour/couple of hours and every time he would ring her. OK, I only got half the conversation but it was enough to prove that it was an affair. Incidentally for anyone who disapproves, it meant that when he tried to do some tricky manouvering to take a percentage of my business from me, I was prepared.
An affair is a brutal thing and you need to be forewarned and forearmed. As far as I am concerned, if you are unfaithful, then all bets are off.
As it happened, he came to his senses a few months later and we actually went on to have a happy few years together before he fell ill and died. Of the two, the affair devastated me, whereas his death was sad, but it didn't hurt in the same way. There's a difference between someone deliberately betraying you and planning to leave and death, which no one chooses.0 -
What I keep coming back to is - what if there is no affair?Mr Bugs denied it even when I told him I'd seen him the night before - yes, I stalked. Yes, it was worth it.
Some people might go yes, it's true, I'm having it off with her from number 26, but most would deny it and then they cover their tracks.
You need to know when you are in that position. I suspected something around the beginning of November, by the 21st, Id found out my gut instinct was correct.
OP, for what it's worth, I employed a private detective, though I actually put 2 + 2 together and found out the day before the PD came back to me.
I also put a couple of voice recorders round the house, ones that activate when someone speaks. I'd go out with a cheery, I'm going shopping/ coffee at Xs, I'll be an hour/couple of hours and every time he would ring her. OK, I only got half the conversation but it was enough to prove that it was an affair. Incidentally for anyone who disapproves, it meant that when he tried to do some tricky manouvering to take a percentage of my business from me, I was prepared.
An affair is a brutal thing and you need to be forewarned and forearmed. As far as I am concerned, if you are unfaithful, then all bets are off.
As it happened, he came to his senses a few months later and we actually went on to have a happy few years together before he fell ill and died. Of the two, the affair devastated me, whereas his death was sad, but it didn't hurt in the same way. There's a difference between someone deliberately betraying you and planning to leave and death, which no one chooses.
Suddenly those 'all bets are off' justifications don't exist.
It's perfectly possible for him to be an innocent party in all this. If someone was following me, recording my conversations, checking my phone, etc. I would feel pretty bad. It would certainly be the end of the relationship for me.0
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