saving my future self from debt

A Little Bit About Me:

Relaxing in the sunshine and thought I'd write a little about me and my relationship to money as I think it gives a fuller picture to understanding the way I spend and save and the things I do and don't spend on.

In my previous life I was married and living an extremely comfortable existence where receipts were never looked at, holidays were plentiful and the kids attended private schools. I was privileged to be a stay at home mum and loved being with my children. Growing up in a family of divorced parents and a latch key kid I had learnt the value of money from an early age as my mum had to be the master of frugality and multiple jobs to support us so I was never an extravagant spender and didn't really fit into the life of ladies who lunched or the world of the designer bag, never had a cleaner or au pair as did many of my school mum friends but I never had to think about how much was in the bank account. Money always comes at a cost and a husband who lived to work eventually swopped me for a younger model and left me devastated with two very young children about 14 years ago.

Not knowing what lay ahead of me I turned to frugality, paying cash for everything and started squirreling money away whatever I could into a savings account my mum set up for me. Luckily for me I was a natural and soon had spreadsheets and budgets for every possible spend and savings. I got the art of interest free cards, bulk purchasing on reduced priced foods and bank accounts down to a fine art. I never went down the route of lawyers and just agreed to what my X offered in my divorce settlement as I knew chasing money wouldn't make me happy.

The route of frugality eventually lead to my love of minimalism and simple living and I am now a fully fledged hippy dippy Earth loving tree hugger. I love a challenge and so around 9 years ago I challenged myself to step outside of consumer society for a year and bought nothing other than essentials and have never really looked back since.

Having lived both sides of the coin I can honestly say I am so much happier with my life as it is. Yes, money is a requirement but I don't live my life by it. I work for a woman who is extremely wealthy but she is a slave to her money and her lifestyle. She buys and buys and buys stuff all the time but it holds no value to her. Her time is consumed organising and paying for people to maintain her stuff. My life is so free in comparison, despite the slight hurdle I am climbing. My X is the same, he has another family now, 2 £1m+ houses in the UK and 1 in the States. I would never swop my life for his.

Life without enough money is debilitating, but life with lots of money imprisons in a different way. Finding the right balance gives you freedom.

So that's the background of my relationship to money and I hope it provides an understanding as my diary unravels.

PFTP X

Hi TreadingonPlaymobil,

Thanks for stopping by. How funny I'm in the middle of reading your diary so meeting the TOPM of the now whilst engrossed in your diary of the past is weird - I feel like I've jumped through time The daily available spend works really well for me although seeing it drop significantly after a weekly food shop is a little demotivating but it becomes a great challenge towards the end of the month as you try to see how high you can keep it so you can move the last days worth into your savings pot. For me my 'Debbie's Dailys' is the DFW equivalent of the Tillies Tidy over in MFW - having a daily motivation works well for me

Everyone has a story, no one got to where they are today because they were greedy or thoughtless but it is easy to judge and sometimes a little peak into someone's past helps to shed light on how they got to where they did.
Money should be just a method of transaction, a tool to purchase what is needed or wanted but for so many of us it has become a set of emotional handcuffs. A prime example of this for me was last week when my daughter face timed me from her dads house in Texas. She walked me round the house and through the iPad I got to step into the world that I could have had if my future had travelled another path. For 3 minutes I ooed and aahhhed and felt an overwhelming sense of want and jealousy. Life didn't seem fair as I realised that my whole flat could fit in the hallway! Luckily within 5 minutes of the call all I could think of was the housework and the upkeep a house like that would take, the stuff I would have to buy to fill it but it does show how easy it is to get swept up into the land of desires, the 'it's not fair' and 'I want what he's got.

It was another beautiful day here in Brighton and we made the most of the weather with breakfast on the beachfront. We did have quite a spendy day as we were out all day, walking for miles in the sun and sitting enjoying a drink whilst people watching for a couple of hours too. It is so rare for me to drink but I must say 2 pints of refreshingly cold cider in the sun went down rather well. I did ask for a cuppa after the first pint but they didn't sell tea so DH decided a half of cider was the perfect substitute! We strolled back after to pick up my Pizza Express vouchers and finished the day off with a lovely dinner out. (Going out for dinner is pretty much unheard of for me so both breakfast and dinner out was something of a first). DH had agreed to the kitty idea and it worked really well as there was no feeling of unfairness in our purchases. So on to the daily spend:

From the Brighton Kitty of £80:

£13.50 breakfast
£7.80 beers and crisps (DH bought some outside of the kitty as he acknowledged that I've already spent £30 on petrol and parking before I've even stepped out the car)
£15.00 for pizza express drinks including £2 to avoid using an additional voucher and a generous tip. Total 3 course meal came to £55 so only spending £15 is great.

£36.30 total

Non kitty spend

£5.49 for a very large bag of pumpkin seeds that I use daily and is about a quarter of the price I pay in a supermarket. They should last me a good 6 months.

£25.89 daily available spend although this may be lower as I suspect DD will have eaten into the cash I left her for food so will calculate it properly when I get home. Also need to pick up some fruit on the way and do a food shop tomorrow so expecting a significant drop.

Suns still shining so off to make the most of it before the weather turns

happy Days
PFTP X

Hi Cumbria Lass and DoingitAnyway - thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment. Cumbria Lass - I'm hoping your enjoyment doesn't wane once my posts become all 'about the spreadsheet' :O Our journeys are so personal and the way we diarise varies in so many ways. I think because I don't really talk to any one in the real world about such things - the blank stares and rolling eyes indicating ' Oh God - she's on one again' means that I love the fact that I can open my heart about the subject on here and people actually show an interest. It is a tricky one as it is a fine line between talking about how you live and your values and not been seen as preaching! DoingitAnyway - our flat is towards the Hove end of Brighton so we're not right in the thick of tourist and 'Hen Party Land!

Stepped back into my other life. DD has kept the flat tidy - though the Food Pot was empty. I did take £5 back out before I left, wisely obviously,so it only had £15 in it and DDs BF, gave her £5 for me because he felt guilty about the fact that they had spent the £15, (heart melts) they've stocked the fridge up a little so I'm not complaining.

Trying to get my heads round my spends and transfer them to my spreadsheet.

£7.50 - kids costs (DS uni food shop on Friday)
£44.00 - Brighton Kitty (we went for tea and cake before I left which was £6.80 I think) - £36 to carry over for next month
£7.79 food (pumpkin seeds and a gf vegan chocolate brownie I picked up for DD.

I have £23 left over from my petrol as I didnt need to top it up and I think that will be able to go into the savings pot at the end of the month as I still have 200 miles left in the tank.

Income today:
£7.07 from S123 acc2 net after £5 fee.

£25.75 daily available spend for tomorrow - I do have prom tickets to pay for tomorrow and I need to do a food shop so it may take a dive by Tuesday.

PFTP x