Diagnosed with terminal cancer - What next?

RawaDawa · 23 September 2012 at 12:08PM

I've just been diagnosed with terminal cancer and want to get everything in order for when the inevitable happens.

I'm 39, married with 2 kids (7 and 9).

My wife doesn't work, all of the household bills are in my name and are paid from my bank account.

I have a cash ISA and several shares ISAs in my name, can I transfer them to my wife?

I know I need to sort out a will, but are we better off transferring as many things as possible into my wife's name now or waiting?

Thanks for your help.

Person_one · 23 September 2012 at 12:28PM

I'm very sorry to hear about your diagnosis.

Have you been in touch with Macmillan? They're great at helping you sort out all the practicalities involved with a cancer diagnosis so you can focus on the more important stuff.

Estate planning is listed as one of the services they provide.

http://www.macmillan.org.uk/HowWeCanHelp/FinancialSupport/Financialguidance/FinancialGuidanceTool.aspx

Tiddlywinks · 23 September 2012 at 1:17PM

I am sorry to hear your news, you must feel like the wind has been taken from your sails. Please speak to your MacMillan nurse as s/he will have a lot of really good / leaflets for you about managing your finances.

As an aside (to maximise your income) please consider applying for DLA - there are special fast track rules for terminal illness.

This forum was helpful to me when my mum got ill:

http://www.cancerforums.net/index.php

It might be easier for your wife if you transferred all of the utilities etc into her name now so that she won't have to have the difficult discussions later - you know, the ones where they insist because of 'data protection' to speak to the bill-payer... that would be a great practical help for her.

Also, maybe just sit and write her some lists about things she needs to know. Label the fusebox and explain the heating system. let her know where the stopcock is and all that other practical stuff... if she's not ready to hear it (shock and not wanting to think about the future) then you could write her a manual.

I know it must be really hard to see this at the moment but there is a small positive from your situation in that you do have the chance to prepare your family for the future - please don't underestimate that. You have the chance to talk and share your feelings with them and they will welcome that. Some families don't get that chance where there is a sudden accident - you still have time to make a difference to their future.

You also have the chance to talk to your children and allay some of their fears... and leave them with some great memories to help them through the hard times.

I found this book really helpful as it is very practical and matter of fact... I'd really recommend it for your wife (and maybe for you if you feel strong enough):

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Goodnight-Dear-Unsentimental-Bereaved-ebook/dp/B007OMTFAI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1348402558&sr=8-1

Unfortunately, it only seems to be on kindle.

Ver best wishes...

PennyForThem_2 · 23 September 2012 at 2:40PM

I am sorry to hear of your diagnosis - it must be devastating for both you and your wife.

Really sorry to raise this but is she your wife or your common law partner, because if the latter then you really, really need to ensure that there is a will.

I would really advise you making a will via a solicitor, anyway - it clarifys matters and banks and other institutions will want a copy or site of the original after your death.

If you own your house, whose name is it in? If not in both your names you really need to get this sorted - will or no.

Whose name is the bank account in - both of you or yours solely? Get a joint account as this will mean your wife is not cut off from funds and an account.

Tell her that when you die nearly everybody she will contact will have bereaved service staff who will understand what needs to happen and what to do/request from her.

Alert her to probate. If there is a house involved then likely that she will need to apply for probate. This is no big deal and she needn't pay for a solicitor to do it - if the estate is simple she can do it on her own and save money.

Sorry - but......talk to her. Tell her what you want for your funeral - what music, what service, where you want to be buried/or ashes scattered - believe me that will be such a relief to know she will do as you want rather than guessing.

As other posters have advised go to the external agencies and get as much help as you can.

puddle96 · 23 September 2012 at 2:59PM

Besides all of the above make sure she knows where all the important paperwork is- pension details, life insurance policies etc. Double check what can be claimed on them - when my husband was terminally ill we nearly missed out on an early pension, death in service benefit and a critical illness clause because they'd been read, put away and never thought about again.

Make a list of all the accounts you have investments in - am fairly sure Isa's aren't transferable.
Add the name of a trusted IFA if you have one, directions to the 'what to do' sticky at the top of forum and details of Winston's wish for help with your children's grief.

keep talking, good luck and best wishes for a smooth journey

RawaDawa · 23 September 2012 at 5:52PM

Thanks for the replies.

I haven't spoken to MacMillan yet. I guess that would be a good place to start, closely followed by a Solicitor. Any advice on picking one, short of just using a well known search engine, and what's reasonable in terms of fees? My wife is defiantly my wife, not common law partner and all the bank accounts/credit cards/utilities are solely in my name, along with the various ISAs.

Currently we don't own a house but are looking to claim against the Terminal Illness clauses on my 2 life insurance policies. This will hopefully mean we can buy a house out right and leave enough that my wife won't have to worry about money straight away. Would she have any inheritance tax liability?

Thanks again for your help.

RawaDawa · 23 September 2012 at 5:54PM

P.S. on the funeral front, I'm holding out for a Pirate themed on (parrots optional) with an ice cream van

)

cobbingstones · 23 September 2012 at 5:59PM

So sorry to hear of your news.

Have you thought of writing letters to your children for when they are older? My dear friend did this when she had her diagnosis. She also bought them presents for their 18th and 21st birthdays.

Kindest,

CS

PasturesNew · 23 September 2012 at 6:00PM

My parent had this last year. From what we've been through, my first thoughts are:

1] Plan your funeral/cremation. The only instructions we had were the method and location .... no clues about which hymns, or what to do with the ashes etc (we've still not done anything on this front).

2] Get all bank accounts into joint names, get all bills in wife's name and on direct debit from the joint bank account. Upon producing a death certificate the bank will change the joint account into her single name and there'll be no problems/disruption there.

We also struggled with contacts, names/addresses etc as there were many lists/books stretching back decades ... and no complete/up to date list of past friends, family, contacts etc. To this day we've still not managed to get hold of a few people to let them know he's gone.

StephenM_2 · 23 September 2012 at 6:35PM

PennyForThem wrote: »

Alert her to probate. If there is a house involved then likely that she will need to apply for probate. This is no big deal and she needn't pay for a solicitor to do it - if the estate is simple she can do it on her own and save money.

A house in joint names shouldn't need probate to pass to the survivor. I've recently managed to settle all my late wife's financial affairs without bothering with probate, although I did need to sign indemnity forms with a couple of organizations.

StephenM_2 · 23 September 2012 at 7:15PM

RawaDawa wrote: »

I have a cash ISA and several shares ISAs in my name, can I transfer them to my wife?

Unfortunately you can't put an ISA in joint names or transfer it to your wife. You could close it and use a maximum of £5640 to open an ISA in her name, or you could close it and put all the proceeds in joint names in a non-ISA account. You'll lose the tax advantages, but that's going to happen anyway when you die.

Diagnosed with terminal cancer - What next?

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