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  • FIRST POST
    • triplea35
    • By triplea35 19th May 19, 7:25 AM
    • 265Posts
    • 103Thanks
    triplea35
    Leaving Estate to a spendthrift son.
    • #1
    • 19th May 19, 7:25 AM
    Leaving Estate to a spendthrift son. 19th May 19 at 7:25 AM
    My wife and I are in our early 60's. We are quite comfortable, we own our home outright, live off my defined benefit pension, and have joint savings/investments over the combined Inheritance allowance. I continue to work, and we both have State Pension to look forward to in a few years, so our savings continue to grow. Unless one or both of us are hit by considerable care costs in later life we should leave a reasonable estate to our sole adult son.

    I do feel that he would blow his inheritance without much thought to the effort we have put in to accrue it over the years. He is actually due a small inheritance soon from an Aunt so will be interesting to see what he does with it.

    To reduce liability to Inheritance Tax and to provide for his long term future one idea I came up with was to gift him monies by loading a pension in his name. His own pension is, and will likely remain, a very modest auto enrolled workplace pension. The benefit of gifting him pension contributions up to his current salary each year is that he gets tax relief on the contributions, it will grow and he cannot access it until 57 years of age.

    My wife and I are in total agreement over the above course of action but it is what we should do about the remainder that is creating discussion.

    Our current 'mirror' wills were made years ago when our son was a child and appointed guardians/trustees/executors in the event of our joint demise until he was 21.

    It is about time we updated them. My view is that I would like to leave it in some form of trust, the savings invested and he be allowed a yearly allowance, say 4%. He would have the house to do with as he wished and a healthy annual income on top of his own earnings. My wife feels I am trying to be 'a little too controlling from the grave' and that when we are both gone it should be his to do as he wishes, and by that time hopefully he would be more mature and sensible with his attitude to money.

    I would welcome thoughts on this. Does anyone else have such worries?

    I appreciate we will have to discuss this with a solicitor. If we did go the trust route, all my friends/family who I would trust implicitly are a similar age or older so may not be around. Would we need a solicitor as trustee and an IFA to manage the finances?
Page 2
    • SevenOfNine
    • By SevenOfNine 19th May 19, 7:35 PM
    • 1,573 Posts
    • 1,667 Thanks
    SevenOfNine
    Sounds like he isn't living his life or managing his finances in a way that you approve of. That he might not appreciate how hard you've worked & careful you've been to accumulate your money & attain a good standard of living.

    So you want to control him from the grave, teach him how money should be managed........& that you neither trust nor respect him, your son who you supposedly love.

    He's 27, has a demanding responsible job, has just come out of a long term relationship, unwinds having a few drinks, socialising & a flutter in a casino - perhaps because it's different to his "hospitality" job? 27, not his mid 60's & a mini you!

    You disapprove of his choices, he knows it & has become secretive, making you disapprove even more.

    Drink, drugs, crime, violent towards you or his mum, irresponsible, lazy, relying on handouts from the state or from you. No mention of any of that.

    What is the matter with you. Enjoy what you've worked for, & when you're gone just leave it to your son. I wonder how he would feel if he discovered you'd come up with financial plans to teach him a lesson in good financial management for when you die.
    Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
    • kangoora
    • By kangoora 19th May 19, 11:05 PM
    • 732 Posts
    • 604 Thanks
    kangoora
    A couple of phrases I frequently see on here come to mind

    1. Do you want to be the richest person in the cemetery?
    2. Nobody ever said on their deathbed "I wish I had spent more time at the office"

    If you are comfortably living off a pension and mortgage (with backup savings) and this is before you get 2 x SP then I'd question why on earth are you still working?

    Sound to me like you should retire, start spending and enjoying life before something happens or you get too old/frail. Buy a campervan and tour europe, take a world cruise for 6 months etc.

    My dad worked to 65, diagnosed with dementia at 67 and died at 69 - you can never forecast what might happen.

    Also, why not consider gifts to reduce any IHT liability and watch how he spends the money - he may surprise you!
    Last edited by kangoora; 19-05-2019 at 11:07 PM. Reason: original topic:
    • AnotherJoe
    • By AnotherJoe 20th May 19, 7:55 AM
    • 14,938 Posts
    • 17,970 Thanks
    AnotherJoe
    My wife and I are in our early 60's. We are quite comfortable, we own our home outright, live off my defined benefit pension, and have joint savings/investments over the combined Inheritance allowance. I continue to work, and we both have State Pension to look forward to in a few years, so our savings continue to grow. Unless one or both of us are hit by considerable care costs in later life we should leave a reasonable estate to our sole adult son.
    Originally posted by triplea35
    I'm less worried abiut your son than you, very comfortably off, still working with main aim in life seemingly to accumulate as much money as you can to leave to someone you don't trust with it. Forget him, get on and enjoy your life including working if that floats your boat and give up trying to manage things from beyond the grave.
    Please dont criticise my spelling. It's excellent. Its my typing that's bad.
    • Honeylife
    • By Honeylife 20th May 19, 8:19 AM
    • 173 Posts
    • 229 Thanks
    Honeylife
    My wife and I are in our early 60's. We are quite comfortable, we own our home outright, live off my defined benefit pension, and have joint savings/investments over the combined Inheritance allowance. I continue to work, and we both have State Pension to look forward to in a few years, so our savings continue to grow. Unless one or both of us are hit by considerable care costs in later life we should leave a reasonable estate to our sole adult son.

    I do feel that he would blow his inheritance without much thought to the effort we have put in to accrue it over the years. He is actually due a small inheritance soon from an Aunt so will be interesting to see what he does with it.
    ...
    It is about time we updated them. My view is that I would like to leave it in some form of trust, the savings invested and he be allowed a yearly allowance, say 4%. He would have the house to do with as he wished and a healthy annual income on top of his own earnings. My wife feels I am trying to be 'a little too controlling from the grave' and that when we are both gone it should be his to do as he wishes, and by that time hopefully he would be more mature and sensible with his attitude to money.

    I would welcome thoughts on this. Does anyone else have such worries?
    ...
    Originally posted by triplea35
    Oh dear do agree controlling finances from the grave is a bit much. Codicils can be added to Wills and updated as you see him grow, mature maybe even settle down into a relationship.

    Consider a gift to your son now with a funds towards him purchasing a property. Along with the inheritance due from the Aunt means it may assist him in becoming more responsible as a property owner. However at 27, I really wouldn't worry that much.

    Agree with others that you should start having some fun spending your savings ,otherwise I really wonder whats the point, it surely cant all have been just to leave your sole heir? What about you and your wife? Surely you must have ideas and plans for your retirement, so why wait start now?

    Leaving a legacy to a Charity (s) is something to seriously consider. In fact gifting now in this period of recession when so many Charities are needy is indeed worthwhile.
    Last edited by Honeylife; 20-05-2019 at 8:31 AM.
    "... during that time you must never succumb to buying an extra piece of bread for the table or a toy for a child, no." the Pawnbroker 1964
    • DigForVictory
    • By DigForVictory 20th May 19, 8:33 AM
    • 9,633 Posts
    • 32,488 Thanks
    DigForVictory
    My parents are comfortably placed, and like you, pretty much refuse to have a good time. We've used a gentle mix of persuasion & blackmail to get them to consider a week away & right now they've already scaled that back from the Scilies to the Lakes (we'll be trying to coax them towards Both, but I can't see it happening easily.)

    May I suggest three things?
    Give the lad a chunk now. Mostly to help manage tax issues. Also as a sort of litmus test.
    Adopt a charity each & get involved, as well as giving money.
    Quit work & travel a far as your passport & nerve will take you while it's still a relative doddle logistics & health-wise.

    Life is for living & enjoying at this age, not still accumulating for when you are no longer fit enough to enjoy it.
    • BrassicWoman
    • By BrassicWoman 20th May 19, 5:18 PM
    • 2,181 Posts
    • 8,398 Thanks
    BrassicWoman
    my parents never gave me a cash gift without specifying what it was for. eg a sofa, and it had to be "worthwhile."

    Young people do not always like Parker Knoll... yet there I was with one in my living room. Later I started turning down the strings attached cash.

    Give freely, or give nothing.
    May 19 grocery challenge £100.79/ £200
    • POPPYOSCAR
    • By POPPYOSCAR 20th May 19, 5:24 PM
    • 12,461 Posts
    • 27,573 Thanks
    POPPYOSCAR
    Our children are in for a potential large inheritance assuming nothing major changes the financial landscape.

    What they do with it will be entirely down to them.

    I do not agree with trying to control how they spend it.
    • lincroft1710
    • By lincroft1710 20th May 19, 5:28 PM
    • 11,995 Posts
    • 10,511 Thanks
    lincroft1710
    Either spend it or leave it to him unencumbered, don't worry about what he will or won't do with the money
    • pattycake
    • By pattycake 20th May 19, 5:35 PM
    • 1,324 Posts
    • 1,174 Thanks
    pattycake
    My mother had a saying “there’s no pockets in a shroud”. Enjoy the fruits of your hard work while you are still able.
    • ibizafan
    • By ibizafan 20th May 19, 6:27 PM
    • 855 Posts
    • 1,051 Thanks
    ibizafan
    I have two sons (37,34) who both earn far in excess of what I ever did, and both are property owners (one in London). We were all at my youngest son’s house in Australia recently and I made a joke about their inheritance. The youngest said “ just spend your money Mum. By the time we’re likely to get any, we’ll be pretty old ourselves”. So I will carry on flying business class to see him, and carry on travelling myself before I get too old. I’ve still got my life to live after all, and they are welcome to what is left.
    • chelseablue
    • By chelseablue 22nd May 19, 11:43 AM
    • 2,804 Posts
    • 3,232 Thanks
    chelseablue
    Start spending some on enjoying yourselves.

    My dad is 62 and retired 18 months ago, in 2017
    He was diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer 7 months ago

    He may not live until he can receive his state pension (when he's 66 in 2023) although I pray that he does

    Would be nice to see them enjoying holidays, but they feel they cant venture too far due to my dads chemo sessions or in case he needs to get to a hospital quickly

    Start spending some
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