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Help with nightmarish upstairs neighbour.

2

Comments

  • As in 'doesn't have him now' not necessarily as in euthanased him or dumped him.
  • You seem to have inferred she has dumped him.....for all you know the dog could have gone back to her parents or to a friend, where she still sees him. I don't think the OP deserved your last sentence at least until you know the full circumstances.

    You don't use the expression 'get rid' if your dog is just going to stay with family until you can move.

    Of course, I'm sure if they come back it will be with a lovely fluffy story of how the dog now lives on a farm and is better off.
  • You don't use the expression 'get rid' if your dog is just going to stay with family until you can move.

    Of course, I'm sure if they come back it will be with a lovely fluffy story of how the dog now lives on a farm and is better off.

    I think I can well imagine saying to someone I was telling this tale to something along the lines of 'and I have even had to get rid of my pet to try to appease this neighbour'. There is a lot of angst and passion in the OP's post so using that term in that context wouldn't be surprising.

    Of course, you could be right, but at this point, you can't know either way.
  • need_an_answer
    need_an_answer Posts: 2,812
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    edited 11 August 2018 at 3:51PM
    You don't use the expression 'get rid' if your dog is just going to stay with family until you can move.

    Of course, I'm sure if they come back it will be with a lovely fluffy story of how the dog now lives on a farm and is better off.


    but whats the difference in saying I had to get rid of my dog or I had to rehome it,or indeed I gave it to fluffy people on a farm?


    The fact is she got rid of it and clearly its a point that now troubles the OP(enough to have included reference to the incident in her post)


    It's never easy letting any animal who is a pet go whatever words are used to describe the exit.

    However this thread isn't purely about the dog so that's the only comment I'll make so others can return to the original question
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  • It's never easy letting any animal who is a pet go whatever words are used to describe the exit.


    Actually, for a lot of people its far too easy. Hence the massive problem we have with unwanted dogs in this country and the thousands that have to be destroyed each year.

    A responsible dog owner who loves their dog does not 'get rid' because of an annoying neighbour.
  • elsien wrote: »
    You got rid of your dog because of unjustified complaints? Why???

    I'd suggest stop pandering to him for starters if you really think he's being unrealistic in his expectations. Because every time he complains and you change something, it confirms to him that you're in the wrong.
    Your LL really shouldn't be sending you messages every time he complains, that's the first thing I'd be addressing because it's really not helpful.
    If he's not spoken to you directly, why have you not gone to talk to him instead?

    I'd have certainly not got rid of a perfectly well-behaved pet because of him.

    What struck me so far - is that you appear to be the only single woman amongst his neighbouring flats. I must admit that, if that were the case, ie me the only single woman and me the only one he complained about - then there would have a been few short/sharp words with him (one of them being "discrimination") and that I did not expect to be picked on for my sex and marital status situation and making it very plain it had better not happen again.

    Have you thought of asking if one of the local "volunteer bobbies" can go round and see him (making sure they are told that fact before they do so) and pointing out his conduct is proving unacceptable etc?
  • I'd have certainly not got rid of a perfectly well-behaved pet because of him.

    What struck me so far - is that you appear to be the only single woman amongst his neighbouring flats. I must admit that, if that were the case, ie me the only single woman and me the only one he complained about - then there would have a been few short/sharp words with him (one of them being "discrimination") and that I did not expect to be picked on for my sex and marital status situation and making it very plain it had better not happen again.

    Have you thought of asking if one of the local "volunteer bobbies" can go round and see him (making sure they are told that fact before they do so) and pointing out his conduct is proving unacceptable etc?


    Did you miss that the neighbour is autistic?
  • Back to the OP.

    What makes you think he is autistic? Does he work?

    I think that if you are satisfied he is complaining about nothing then you have either speak to him directly, speak to your LL about his behaviour or ask a friend to call over and do it for you. It doesn't need to be done in a confrontational manner but clearly, this is affecting your life to a serious degree and needs to be resolved.
  • pmlindyloo
    pmlindyloo Posts: 13,049
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    Back to the OP.

    What makes you think he is autistic? Does he work?

    I think that if you are satisfied he is complaining about nothing then you have either speak to him directly, speak to your LL about his behaviour or ask a friend to call over and do it for you. It doesn't need to be done in a confrontational manner but clearly, this is affecting your life to a serious degree and needs to be resolved.

    I agree with this.

    The usual approach with neighbour disputes is to try and solve them informally.

    Do you feel able to knock on his door and have a conversation with him? If not, have you written to him? Neither need be confrontational - just a way of trying to solve the problem.

    You might also want to try a mediator

    https://www.gov.uk/how-to-resolve-neighbour-disputes/use-a-mediation-service

    To be honest this may be the best way to solve the problem as a mediator will be impartial and may even get to the bottom of why he is acting this way.

    I agree that problems like this can be very stressful and you must feel that you are 'walking on egg shells' all the time. Not a good place to be.

    Have you spoken to your LL to see if the previous tenant had problems? Does your neighbour own or rent the flat?

    If nothing can be resolved then personally I would be ending my tenancy agreement asap and finding somewhere else to live.
  • I'm another in favour of potentially you raising the subject with your LL.

    I don't normally go along these lines but the LL clearly owns a property that potentially whatever tenant is in situ is likely to cause some form of "distress " to the upstairs neighbour.


    Don't expect to get immediate sympathy or indeed the offer to mediate from the LL,it isn't normally something that they would get involved with but as I said you're having a problem,potentially the previous occupant of your flat had a problem and any future tenant could have the same problem for the duration of the time the guy remains upstairs.


    Its in your LL's interest to have a good long tenancy and in everyones interest to ensure that no one feels so anxious that it has a detrimental effect on how they go about their day to day living.


    If the LL takes the stance of it being a flat to flat problem then I think my advice is look to move
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