Here's my message sent at 4.00pm on Christmas Eve - a little late to do anything about...
Hello@heartier.com
Christmas Eve 2018, 4.00 pm


Dear Heartier,
I have just unpacked my turkey, in your words "6-7kg free range..., etc" and it seemed a bit small. I have weighed it and checked my scales with two (labelled) work-out weights of 2.5 Kg each and your turkey comes out at an impressive 5.18 Kg. I have taken a picture of the offending bird and also of my weights.
This is really very poor, and rather late to rectify. I purposely ordered your larger bird as I have a seriously hungry crew to feed tomorrow.



This provoked an automatic reply wishing me Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
I followed up:

Thank you for your automated reply. I thought you might like an update on the underweight turkey you mis-sold me (see my previous). When I came to stuff the neck end, I found that it had been very poorly butchered. Not only was the neck skin inadequate, but (see attached photos) the skin had been punctured leaving bare flesh around the neck cavity extending onto the flesh - two gashes. Underweight, poorly butchered, I pray it will taste better than it looks.
Who does your quality control? Does anybody do quality control? The turkey you provided for me is available from Ocado at £28.82 (“typically 5.49 kg”).
I paid significantly more than this for a ‘bargain’.
I have pictures to back up this complaint.