Any other depression sufferers here?

I've had depression for many years, more of my life than not. It's an up and down, sometimes dormant for a long time and then it flares up.
I've found, it helps to be honest. Sometimes my character can be quite Jekyll and Hyde, and I truly can't help it. I always apologise immediately and I have found that sending people the Black Dog video helps them understand why I am sometimes the way I am. I don't hide it, there's no shame. Recently I have succumbed to a major low and have found everyone around me to be so incredibly supportive. I feel lonely, I feel isolated but I've never felt like I can't express that.
So talk to people, if you don't want to go out much invest in a television package and a good sofa, buy a good bed to sleep well and most importantly, have a goal a day. Mine is just going out to get a coffee and sit reading a newspaper in the coffee shop on a Sunday, or even just going for a long country walk on a Saturday.

But most of all; talk about it.

Sam_Fallow wrote: »

I'm the same, I can run a few errands, talk to different people and engage in light, brief conversation and then run home, unable to continue the act any longer. The pretence is exhausting.

If I'm having a bad day, nobody sees me, I make sure of that.

Today I motivate myself to go for a ride on my motorbike (the last personal pleasure I have left) but before I even got on it I tripped and took a heavy fall. That was my day finished, I know better than to try anything after that.

Hope everyone else is having a 'good' day.

Yes, it's amazing what good actors we can be!
There should be an Oscar for Best Performance in Acting Being Normal!

Pyxis wrote: »

Thank you Sam.

I would add these:-

Depression is the thief that robs you of hope.

It turns the smallest of everyday tasks into an unscaleable mountain.

It turns the smallest of everyday tasks into a Thing to be feared, and then that fear itself becomes a Thing To Be Feared.

Depression is the thief that robs you of hope, robs you of your sense of self, robs you of your sense of worth.

If only I could thank this more than once!

Bryando wrote: »

I suffer also. Been up/down for years and seen inside psychiatric wards in the past. Just lost my job due to being so low. Now I have a partner saying I am lazy as sit on the pc all day.

My mood goes up and like so for a while then crashes and I punish myself. Taking a packet of Paracetamol for example. Or recently was going to crash into a wall.

I HATE it and would allow my legs to be cut off if it meant no mental issues. As for the partner thought it was a supportive relationship but pondering tbh.

Being low I lack no motivation at all.

:A It is very hard for people close to you, and I can understand how they can get despondent and maybe even lose patience. I'm not sure what the answer is to that except to try to make sure that they are as knowledgeable as possible about the condition.

Perhaps also things like attending the doctor together, counselling sessions together, going to help groups together, so that they can see it isn't the sufferer 'deliberately' choosing to remain in a depressed state.

I keep making the analogy with physical illnesses because that is such an easy way for non-sufferers to understand part of the problem........

....If you had a broken leg that prevented you from working, that would be completely understandable to everyone. A 'broken' mind is equally debilitating, yet not nearly so easily mended.

Or, if you had flu, you would feel too ill to talk, or even to read a book or watch TV. 'Flu of the brain', ie Depression, is like that too.


If you are able to, a tiny bit of compromise might smooth the way with your partner. For example, if they want you to go shopping with them, and that puts the fear of God into you, what about, firstly explaining that, but then saying how about if you go for half an hour, and if it is getting too much, you go and have a quiet coffee and a sit, say for another half hour, until your partner joins you?
Something like that?

Small steps, you see. Showing willing, even when feeling like the proverbial s**t.
It will be exhausting, I know. And if you are feeling very bad, it might not be possible.

Andrew_Ryan_89 wrote: »

Depression is a very weird thing. When I was younger, depression and anxiety used to drive me forward career and health wise. I was awkward around girls and literally had no friends, so I worked to jobs so that way I was at least richer than my peers. I also used to go gym so I would be in shape when I did meet that girl.

Then something weird happened. I started making friends. Met a beautiful girl who ended up being my wife. I had dreams of earning £25k a year, now I earn £50k. Never thought I would own my own home, now I have 2 bedrooms and a garden. Everything I dreamt about, things I genuinely thought was not possible, have all come. However, the anxiety that drove me is gone but the depression remains. I simply don't care.

I wake up everyday and I can't be bothered to work, and not worried at all about the consequences of not being so. I count the weeks left where my insurance policy will pay out for suicide. Waste my whole day daydreaming and staring out the window.

I can't figure out what it is that will get me back on track. What I can do to get my mojo back. Sadly, it could just be a chemical thing that I have little to no control of.

You are writing my life as I see it!!


I have PMd you.