How do you budget with your other half?

Rich1976 · 18 August 2019 at 9:51AM

Hi Everyone

Just after a bit of advice and guidance about how you all arrange your household budget with your partner.

So our situation has changed quite a bit over the years and so has our budgeting techniques. I earn £175 per month after tax more than my partner and currently both incomes are paid into our joint account and all household bills get paid from this.

I look after the budgeting side as he isn't interested in anything financial. I keep a spreadsheet which lists all the household bills and monthly amounts and separate sections for our own personal bills such as gym, mobile, credit card repayment etc. On payday the difference between the total income and total household bills is divided by 2 and transferred to our separate accounts. Therefore this means we each have the same amount left over to use as we wish.

We also have joint savings accounts set up for holidays, Car expenses and Home Maintenance. Currently we do not have individual Accounts for savings.

This all seemed fine and fair until recently when my partner has decided he isn't left with enough spending money each month and wants or is looking for ways to reduce his personal contribution to our savings to free up more money to use as pocket money.

This has caused a number of arguments because the amount we put into savings is what I estimate we will spend on car repairs, insurance, servicing etc as well as our holiday next year which he agreed to plus our boiler service, home insurance and a bit extra as contingencies or emergencies. So the total I am aiming to put into savings needs to be about 485 per month to cover all these.

Therefore I was wondering what's the fairest way you all budget your money.
Do you keep everything together or do you only have joint accounts for bills and anything for savings is treated individually?

He is more of a spender than I am and doesn't look at his bank account as often as he should to keep an eye on things and this causes issues when I do the budget spreadsheet for the following month to take account of his overspending.

Thanks for any help you can give

eskbanker · 18 August 2019 at 11:03AM

Rich1976 wrote: »

I earn £175 per month after tax more than my partner and currently both incomes are paid into our joint account and all household bills get paid from this.

[...]

On payday the difference between the total income and total household bills is divided by 2 and transferred to our separate accounts. Therefore this means we each have the same amount left over to use as we wish.

Mathematically, this already means that you're subsidising him, in that your surplus £175 is effectively being split 50/50 between you.

There are no right and wrong ways of dealing with this, and you both have to find something that works for you, but if he's unhappy with an arrangement that already benefits him (to your detriment) then this isn't likely to end well! No harm in looking closely at your collective shared expenditure to see if there are ways to cut back, but if there's no juice to be squeezed out of that then you need to decide between you how (or if) you choose to approach finances jointly, i.e. it's more of a relationship issue than a financial one....

jonnygee2 · 18 August 2019 at 11:16AM

We do pretty much the same. Incomes into a joint account. Savings and bills paid out. Spending money split between us evenly.

It's the simplest and fairest way we've found.

Maybe itd be good to get him more involved in administering the system. Perhaps even task him to look at all the bills you pay together and find a way to reduce some of them. If he can switch to cheaper tariffs etc he can have more to spend.

Sea_Shell · 18 August 2019 at 11:48AM

So basically, he earns less, but wants more spends...

He needs to sit with you, go through the budget to realise how the money is all accounted for.

Dobbibill · 18 August 2019 at 12:02PM

There is no right or wrong way to do this - it's about finding something that works for you both.
Sitting down to discuss the outgoings is a good first step.
Maybe suggest you both contribute to the joint account for bills/savings etc., review all outgoings and see what figure he suggests based on a 50/50 split. He may then realise he is getting a decent proportion. He may even suggest cut backs on the holidays/cheaper alternatives in the future.

It can be hard finding something that works straight away and sometimes a few different ways need to be explored before both parties are happy.

I had the same issue being with a spender, whilst I was a saver. We found that each keeping their own money worked for us and contributing equal amounts to the joint pot. 50% of bills/savings/groceries each then our money left was our own but there's no right or wrong.

p00hsticks · 18 August 2019 at 1:12PM

jonnygee2 wrote: »

We do pretty much the same. Incomes into a joint account. Savings and bills paid out. Spending money split between us evenly.

We effectively do the same but the other way round - so incomes into individual accounts, and we each then have a monthly standing order set up to a joint account that covers bills, savings and a credit card that is used for joint big spends....

Over the years the amounts paid in to the joint account has varied by mutual agreement dpending on individual circumstances (redundancy, bonuses, windfalls etc)

[Deleted User] · 18 August 2019 at 1:45PM

Joint account where both our salaries are paid into.

Fixed amount transferred out by SO each month to another account where all bills are paid.

Fixed amount transferred into joint savings accounts each month by SO.

We each spend whatever we spend with no caps or limits or “allowances” from whatever is in the joint account;
No 50/50 split or “you’ve got this much to spend this month and I’ve got this much”.
Or
No arguments over “you spent £500 last month and I only spent £200”.
Whatever we each spend is spent.

Both our credit card bills are taken from the joint account as well, not the separate “bills” account.

Any leftovers are swept into one of the savings accounts come month end.

Repeat above every month.

getmore4less · 18 August 2019 at 1:57PM

DO the annual budget in a format that is transparent and easy to see where the money goes in priority order.

Mortgage/rent essentials etc. at the top

Discretionary towards the bottom

Then savings(not the ones above that are really spends soon like car repairs)

Then your individual pots below those.

Make it balance.

Ask him which of the pots above the personal ones he want to take the extra money from to make the personal pot bigger.

Its all about priorities and allocating each £ to a job

dreaming · 18 August 2019 at 2:31PM

I agree with posters who have said that there is no right or wrong way to do this. However it is important that you both agree how to split the finances. You say your OH "isn't interested in anything financial" and leaves everything up to you to sort out. To be honest this is the first thing I would tackle - get him to sit down with you and go through the essential bills, then agree on other joint expenses, then agree how to split the rest. I know how hard it can be with someone who is unwilling to face things but I was in this situation for many years in my marriage. Over the years I got fed up with digging my OH out of the finacial holes he kept getting himself in due to his carefree attitude, and fed up with never getting stuff done on the house as every time I had saved some cash it seemed to go on paying off various credit cards and loans he had taken out. If I tried to talk to him about things he accused me of trying to control him with money. At some point I realised that although I had "control" over the finances I actually had no control as he would see the savings pot and book a holiday, or buy a guitar, or a new computer. Towards the end of our marriage I did open up my own account which he wasn't happy about but he still carried on as if we were rolling in funds. We weren't, although we should have been comfortable as were both earning good salaries and the kids were pretty much grown up. In the end I had lost all trust in him but realised that I had been enabling him in his actions. Since we split I have bought my own house (all paid for now), my own car, and taken early retirement. He is still working and on the odd family occasions that I see him he spends most of the time grumbling about little cash he has, and how "lucky" I am to be in the position I'm in (obviously doesn't realise how hard I have worked for it).
I'm not saying this will happen to you - maybe your OH will realise how unfair it is to leave everything you and start to play their part in the decision making. I just know how much I ended up resenting my exOH for putting me (us) in the position we were in, and the fact that he had pushed me into being the one in charge (someone had to be) then complaining when I tried to rein in his spending but would not discuss it with me. I think "finances" can be a major source of relationship difficulties - not necessarily how much (or little) you have or who earns more but how it is allocated and how those decisions are made.

Sea_Shell · 18 August 2019 at 2:54PM

Well said Dreaming!!

Being on the same page financially is IMO one of the most important aspects of a relationship, regardless of the actual numbers involved.

If you're pulling in different directions it's going to be harder and it can cause rifts.

Linton · 18 August 2019 at 3:56PM

We each have our own current accounts rather than joint accounts. Mrs L is happy for me to make the high level financial plan and has agreed an annual maximum amount to spend on her own hobbies/interests and personal expenses as she wishes. We only budget at the highest levels, and dont have separate budgets for the different household expenses. Mrs Ls pensions are paid into her account and are now more than sufficient to pay for her spending.

My debit card is used to pay for most household spending to simplify tracking but Mrs L may pay for some which is charged against the overall household budget rather than her budget. All spending is tracked monthly using MS Money and the totals checked against plan on a rolling 12 month basis. Major spending outside the standard annual budget is agreed jointly though again it would normally be paid with my debit card.

If I get low on cash she may top up my current account or we may agree transfers from our individual investment accounts.

How do you budget with your other half?

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