The Garden Fence - proper Old Style support and chat!

nursemaggie · 9 March 2018 at 4:15PM

1. Which of the following best describes what language is spoken in your household?

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2. How many children do you have under the age of 18?

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3. Are you of Hispanic, Latino or Spanish origin?

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It has not printed the boxes to tick. What ever the answers I ticked were it made them angry. I got thrown off the site. I do wish survey companies would use coders who had progressed beyond Kindergarten!

I hope you all get a good laugh. I did copy and paste it back to them because only IT will be able to see anything wrong. Support are usually not mature enough for kindergarten.

monnagran · 9 March 2018 at 7:26PM

nm it sounds as though your DS is out of his depth and in denial. You are between a rock and a hard place just now. I know that you need your DS's wage to make a move possible and that you cannot really face the future alone. I totally get that, your circumstances are truly terrible and you would do almost anything to move on.
Twenty something aged children are selfish, there is no kinder way of putting it, but they don't have the maturity to stand in someone else's shoes and see life though someone else's eyes. It is all about them.
I imagine that deep down he does want to move but the logistics and summoning up the energy to deal with what has to be done is beyond him.
Would it be possible to look at places on your own and present him with a fait accomplis. If he continues to drag his feet perhaps saying that in future you will be looking at one bedroom places and he can make his own arrangements, may concentrate his mind somewhat.

You just have to get out of there nm, I think we will all have a breakdown if this goes on much longer.
I feel for you, and I feel for him. He is young, he is tired and he is scared of the future he sees and his mum is ill and needs him. He probably doesn't want to be needed by his mum, he feels it is all the wrong way round.

Heaven's gates are battered to bits with the storm they are getting from me. I wish that I could do something more practical.

x

MMF007 · 9 March 2018 at 7:31PM

Yep, Monna is spot on as usual.

I heard a brilliant quote from the late Trevor Baylis today:

"I don't mind people looking down on me but they mustn't expect me to look up to them."

Love it!

mardatha · 9 March 2018 at 7:41PM

Fuddle and anybody else interested in nutrition and/or old fashioned eating - take a read at this, it's fascinating:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2672390/

westcoastscot · 9 March 2018 at 7:59PM

really interesting Mar, and totally agree - when we crofted I worked much harder and ate more, but all home grown and seasonal. I was significantly more healthy and my weight and muscle tone were better, just through daily life.
NM nothing more to add, but am sending positive vibes for a good outcome

pollyanna_26 · 9 March 2018 at 8:51PM

I'll have a look at that in a bit mar . Not been home long but at least getting home in the daylight with the days beginning to stretch out .

WCS I've just remembered I forgot to reply to your post a day or two ago . Been trying to catch up on a few pages I'd missed .
I'm glad things are a bit easier now you have a better balance by working from home , reducing the hours and not having those journeys to work battling the elements .
DD is the most positive I've ever known her since getting the correct mh diagnosis . Earlier today she spent her usual hour with the well chosen new counseller at the surgery and it's going well . Challenging but productive .
The MTX is still doing it's job on the pSa . We can see some joint distortion but nowhere near the level I had by my thirties .Less spending days in the bathroom afterwards . That aspect isn't predictable . She's had a lot of infections and flares over the past two years but the fibro combination seems to worsen that .
So by and large doctor in a million has worked his socks off weekly instead of fortnightly when needed . He's been the driving force and has made the impossible happen , Special place in our hearts for life :A
As I posted a few days ago she's coming back in our own trust for Rheumo so hopefully no more calcification , repeated Barbotage etc and Dr can stop firefighting and breathe .
I hope all is well with the family and you get more time to do the things you love . When the daylight comes wave to the Loch for me , Still miss the Lochs and Mountains .
Take care
polly xxx

pollyanna_26 · 9 March 2018 at 10:00PM

NM I 've just written half a post and lost it midway . Reading through the posts since I went out this morning it looks to me that your son is struggling as much as you are .
You've mentioned your mum , husband , dd " like her dad " and her husband also being of the same mind as her .
Whether from seeing these situations play out or listening to you as you seem to speak frankly to him , your son will have absorbed things which colour his perception of life .
When my toxic ex was here my children had little idea of what was happening until I went to court and he was gone . Growing up they asked questions but will never know the brutal truth .
His ideal of a high end house with a garage is a hopeful wish which a child would have imagining a perfect life with no stress and worry .
He initiated a move before you felt the need also due to the noise .He's looking for perfect and perfect doesn't exist .
When you speak of him agreeing to look after you that suggests you asked him to. That is a scary prospect for someone in either their 20s or 30s I can never remember his age but am aware he has struggled in other ways . At his age that will be his future mapped out and a big commitment .
I may be the only person thinking this way but I would never ask that of my children . I've lived my life and they need to live theirs by choice . I cared for family members willingly but with the freedom to choose to do it that .
As you say everything is a mess at the moment with too much to sort . The choice you have if your son will not engage in finding a house is to stay in the present unbearable situation or look into supported housing for yourself . I know you don't want to live in another flat but the point has come where you need to save yourself .
You've tried to accommodate your sons wishes so your choice now is to stay where you are or look deeper into supported housing . I know you feel there are negatives to the flats you mentioned . I'm not sure if they are social housing or private rental . If they were at any time local authority the odds are they will have a lift . Just take a look .
This will keep going round in circles unless one of you sorts something .
polly

Softstuff · 9 March 2018 at 10:29PM

Nursemaggie, I'm with those who suggest you pick the place, and he will most likely grumble, but come along. He's not being fair to you at all, as I see it, you've been his servant and housemaid. Yes, he's tired due to work, but I've worked physical jobs with 80 hour weeks and if I'd treated my husband like he treats you, he would have left me and been right to do so.

Still pooped here. Mildly depressed too. Made the not insignificant mistake of getting a correct weight and fat% measurement at the pharmacy :rotfl: It already felt like I was at the start of a long road.... it just feels now like the road I'm on is to the first base at Everest and I have to actually climb the !!!!!!! Anyways. Onwards and er... onwards.

pollyanna_26 · 9 March 2018 at 10:41PM

I'm sorry to hear you still aren't feeling too good Softstuff . Are you managing better sleep yet ? All I can say is the longest journey starts with a single step ( sorry )
I miss waking in the morning to the banter between yourself and monna while we all slept . Between you not feeling too good and poor monna being run ragged by Millie the Minx i suppose it will be a while before those chats resume .
polly

nursemaggie · 9 March 2018 at 10:43PM

MMF007 that's brilliant I liked his sense of humour.

I have to look up to everybody but only physically not figuratively. Only god is entitled to that. I may see eye to eye with the Queen she is not very tall.

Stop worrying about me all of you. All that has passed cannot be changed and all of the future will not change by worrying so DON'T.

I am OK now, happily bouncing along to the end of my life when I will see Jesus or as his correct name in Hebrew is Yeshua.

What ever is God's will will happen. DS is tired he has just had a week of the shortest shifts 9 hours some more it has been as bad as at Christmas. After a nine or 10 hour sift he still has a half hour walk one and a half hours on two buses with often a half hour wait in between and a good walk up hill to get home it often means he had been away from home for well over 12 hours and he is starving because it is 13 hours since breakfast and all he has had to eat since is a sandwich at 8 am.

It's not surprising he is grumpy when he get home. He goes to bed and 4 kids jump on his head for the next four or five hours. None of them has walked all afternoon they have jumped with both legs everywhere.

Monna I said yesterday I can't cope with being out 5 hours to go and view places. It is almost the same journey as DS does every day. I also need to get back to get his dinner so I would need to go out in rush hour. I cannot say yes without him, neither of us can do without the other if we are to get out of this flat. He has promised to go next week so I just have to wait until Wednesday and hope it does not go before. I have picked this one out because it is so ugly outside that it will put a lot of people off. I will only see the outside when I am coming in.

mar the Victorians ate such huge meals I don't think I could cope with either the cooking or the eating.

To be honest DS said not long ago that he has been aware since he has been about ten that he would lose his parents young. He says he does not feel anything.

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