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Frump to Fab 2018 - Fabulous Dahhhhlings

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  • sugarbaby125
    sugarbaby125 Posts: 3,335
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    Hello Ladies,

    I got a phone call from a woman who is employed by the Department of Work and Pensions in the ESA department.

    As I expected the Doctor who carried out my medical assessment has not scored me enough points, so my ESA claim has been ended immediately on that basis. :p:( I have to wait to receive the report and the official decision through the post.

    We now have to manage on the Child Tax Credit and the Child Benefit for my younger son (less than I need to pay the weekly bills) until the ESA department do the Mandatory reconsideration that I have asked for. I will not be allowed to Appeal until after the Mandatory Reconsideration has been completed. Once I have a decision letter, I can I do an Appeal but I can not claim ESA while I am waiting for that decision. Once they receive my Appeal my ESA claim will restart.

    My sister J generously gave me £100 when I told her what was happening, as she had just had an unexpected cash windfall. :D :j It will have to used wisely for the grocery shopping.

    I had already worked out that when my savings were gone next week, after that we would have £20 less each week to spend on the grocery shopping, now the whole situation is even bleaker than me and my children had envisioned.

    We will survive somehow :)
  • lessonlearned
    lessonlearned Posts: 13,337
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    SUgarbaby.....I am so sorry to hear this. I hope they do not drag their feet with the decision letter so that you can appeal quickly.

    I really feel for you. I went through the same performance when my husband was sick. They made us jump through hoops and dragged it out for 18 months.

    It is truly awful. They make you feel like pond life when in fact you are only claiming what is yours by right and by law.

    It is humiliating to have to keep appealing and practically begging for the help to which you are entitled. I felt degraded but I would not be beaten into submission. I would not let them treat my husband with such contempt. So many times I felt like giving up but my anger and indignation kept me fighting.

    I do hope it will be resolved soon. You deserve better than this.

    It is a war of attrition......keep fighting back.

    Sending you hugs and strength. X
  • sugarbaby125
    sugarbaby125 Posts: 3,335
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    LL, thank you for your support, it is much appreciated. :D

    I talked over the options with my children last night, so that they will not have any horrible surprises and now they are fully aware of why our weekly income will be so drastically reduced

    I had stockpiled so many non food essentials like soap powder and fabric conditioner, plus luxury bathing products, facial creams and body lotions when I was working, that we will be able to manage. :D So now I just have to concentrate on putting breakfast, lunch and dinner on the table for the 3 of us and that will definitely be doable. :D

    There is still so much about my life that is good, so I am not going to complain too much about this temporary period of financial hardship. We have certainly had harder times in my life before and got through them intact.

    It is so good to have a lovely spring day to enjoy today and I am going to one of my Poetry Groups this evening :D :j
  • Sugarbaby,
    Could you maybe get a part-time job to get you through your period of financial hardship.
    From your posts, I believe you live in London and I think there are many opportunities for you to do so. Luckily London and the South East doesn't have high unemployment figures.
  • sugarbaby125
    sugarbaby125 Posts: 3,335
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    Sugarbaby,
    Could you maybe get a part-time job to get you through your period of financial hardship.
    From your posts, I believe you live in London and I think there are many opportunities for you to do so. Luckily London and the South East doesn't have high unemployment figures.

    Southern-Girl, In a word No. I am not sure why you believe that London and the South East does not have high unemployment. :rotfl: My ongoing health issues are my own affair. :D
  • I am not sure why you believe that London and the South East does not have high unemployment. :rotfl: My ongoing health issues are my own affair. :D

    I live in the South East Sugarbaby! Un-employment is at an all time low at the moment.
    I apologise, I wasn't aware you had ongoing health issues as you are always out and about. Sorry, I just assumed, wrongly, that you were going through a period of financial difficulty because of lack of funds. I hope you manage to get sorted soon.
  • Hello everyone - can I join the party?

    I've spent years being annoyed at how I look I always feel like I look very dull and plain and need a push to try new creative styles and mix things up a bit! I'm very much one of those people who is miserable about something and could change it, but somehow struggles to find the motivation to - both in how I look and in myself. In my head I'm a funny chatty person I just can't always communicate that to other people! I guess i worry people would laugh at me if I suddenly became the person I am in my head :o

    So it's my personal goal to try and shake things up, not wear the same old clothes all the time, try some different stuff, and hopefully work on my self-esteem. I'm determined when I buy something new to wear now it can't be anything like something I already own, and I need to try out different styles to see how they look on me rather than wearing skinny jeans all the time.
    I'm looking into self-help things to help boost my confidence, hoping that works okay.

    Sorry if this is the wrong place for me to talk about stuff like that :rotfl:
    Just trying to make up for past mistakes and work towards the future I want :hello:
  • lessonlearned
    lessonlearned Posts: 13,337
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    edited 23 March 2018 at 8:12PM
    Hello Lucy and Oneday.....welcome, how lovely to have you aboard.

    Do not worry, we all lose our way sometimes, that is what this thread is all about. Finding ourselves, rediscovering our core beings, reconnecting with our inner goddess.

    Be patient, it might take a little time but what is the rush. Remember life is a journey not a destination so take your time, enjoy the ride and take time out to enjoy the scenery along the way.

    We all have a different starting point, you might decide to revamp your wardrobe, or get your hair done, or declutter your home or switch jobs or ditch your lover. It does not really matter just make sure you start today. If you fall occasionally well just pick yourself up and start again.

    For me I decided to start by wearing perfume every day. Smelling good made me feel better about myself. Just one small step but it changed my world.

    So for the newbies and also as a refresher course for the stalwarts.......

    THE MIRROR TEST PART 1

    it goes like this.

    Stand in front of a full length mirror, keep your clothes on. This is not about your weight or your body shape. It is about how you present yourself.

    What do you see.......be objective, do not try and fool yourself. Be scrupulously honest. BTW this exercise is purely for you, no need to report back or tell anyone. Keep it under your hat.

    So.......in plain sight what do you see. Shiny well kept hair, nice clear skin, neat clean well fitting clothes, well manicured nails, clean shoes.

    Or......bedraggled unkempt hair, pale pasty tired looking face, hunched shoulders, dirty ragged nails, unflattering shapeless clothing, worn, down at heal shoes.

    Now do not tell me you have no money, that is no excuse. Good grooming does not have to break the bank. However it does take effort. Alas there is no such thing as effortless elegance.

    If you can afford a computer and internet access then you can afford shampoo, some nice scent, maybe a bit of make up if you want to wear it. Do you see where I am coming from. BTW Wearing make up is not compulsory. And, you can buy nice clothes from charity shops, eBay etc

    When this thread began I was £30k in debt and living on benefits but I was determined to take myself in hand and say goodbye to the frump I had become,

    And please do not say you do not have the time. You must make the time, self care is not about vanity, it is about self love, your health and well being. Just start with a few minutes a day.

    Ask yourself this......would you allow your children to leave the house looking like neglected orphans. No of course not. Would you allow your partner to go to work looking unkempt and unloved.

    So do not do it to yourselves. You deserve just the same TLC you give everyone else.

    Ok sermon over.........

    Next step.
  • lessonlearned
    lessonlearned Posts: 13,337
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    MIRROR TEST 2

    (Or how to instantly look half a stone lighter, years younger and a little bit healthier)

    Can I hear Maman groaning.......:rotfl: She must be so fed up of hearing me banging on about this.

    Be warned it is one of my hobby horses. Every so often I nag you about it,

    In a word POSTURE.

    Stand in front of the mirror - what do you see.

    Hunched back, rounded shoulders, head jutting forward, belly sticking out, drooping bosom......

    Now stand up straight.

    Shoulders back and down. Chest out, tummy in and tuck your tail in.

    See the difference........

    Now practice that every time you think about, in a supermarket queue, waiting for a bus, waiting for the kids at the school gate. Practice, practice, practice.

    Look at the celebs....... my favourite is Angelina Jolie, she has perfect posture. Audrey Hepburn was another one. The best celebs stand tall and straight and move gracefully.

    Good posture not only makes you look better, it is also good for your back, your digestion and your lungs. Stand and sit straight, allow your lungs to expand and breathe properly and give your intestines room to do their job.

    Good posture will take years off you. And it costs nowt.:rotfl:
  • lessonlearned
    lessonlearned Posts: 13,337
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    edited 23 March 2018 at 9:42PM
    Step 3

    Right we have looked at two key elements to begin your journey to fabdom. Both free or relatively low cost.

    Grooming using the resources you have at your disposal and working on your posture, which is entirely cost free.

    Here are a few more things you can do and think about to help you start making the changes you need and want to make. Some are simple, practical and easy, some take a bit more thought and effort.

    1. Sleep.......your best friend. Sleep is the time when our bodies rejuvenate. Try and get a good 7 hours.

    2. Rest. Make sure you get a few minutes rest and respite through the day. If you need a nap then have one.

    3. Time out. Do nothing for just a few minutes. Just sit quietly, preferably in the fresh air when it is warm enough. Just sit still. Do not read, do not have a cup of coffee. Just be.

    4. Drink water. You know this.

    5. Exercise. Or at least move more. Exercise can be free. You do not have to join a fancy gym. If you have never exercised start slowly and gently. A few simple stretches and a walk. Walking is free, you will not hurt yourself. It is good for you.

    6. Reduce screen time, tv, faceache, social media. Do not live your live second hand through others, live it first hand. Grab life. Do not let it pass you by.

    7. Do not be a news hound. Too much bad news is depressing.

    8. Do something you enjoy and which gives you pleasure. Read, listen to music, phone a friend.

    9. Laugh. Every day.

    10. Dance. Every day. Like no one is watching.

    11. Avoid vampires.....people who drain you, who bring you down and make you feel bad. Ditch them. Spend time with people who care about you and who lift your spirits.

    12. Know when to say no. And remember No is a complete sentence. You do not have to make excuses or give a reason. It is not selfish to consider your own needs. Remember to put your own oxygen mask on first.

    13. Remember It is your life, take the reins. Do not abdicate responsibility for your health, wealth and wellbeing. Your present and your future are in your own hands.

    14. Happiness is a choice. Yes I know this is a controversial thing to say but I firmly believe it to be true. We may not always be able to control what happens to us but we are in control of how respond. When bad things happen, and they will, we can either give up or fight back. We can wallow in self pity or we can decide to be happy.

    15. The past is gone. Leave it where it belongs. We cannot turn back time, we cannot live in the past. Cultivate mindfulness, embrace the present and look forward with hope to the future.

    16. We all make mistakes. Do not dwell on your failures. Learn from them. Resolve to do better next time and move on.

    17. Do not eat crap. Eat well. If you cannot cook, then learn.

    18. Learn to enjoy your own company. Be your own best friend. Love yourself. If you do not love yourself then why should anyone else love you.

    19. Practice gratitude. Appreciate what you have, do not fret about what you do not have. If you have a roof over your head and food on the table then you rich and blessed.

    20. Accept that here will be people more beautiful than you, richer, more clever, more accomplished, people greater than you. There will also be people lesser than you. Do not measure yourself against others. Be happy in your skin. Be content.

    21. Finally, take pleasure in nature. Even if you live in the middle of the urban jungle you can seek out nature. Watch a sunset, gaze at the stars, walk in a park. Grow or buy flowers. If you have no garden then grow some herbs in pots in your kitchen. If you can not afford to buy cut flowers buy a couple of houseplants.

    That is about it for now.

    I have had a lovely day. My son and DIL took me to one of my favourite bars for wine and tapas.......:rotfl:
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