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  • FIRST POST
    • Mr_GoldMine
    • By Mr_GoldMine 13th Sep 18, 10:46 PM
    • 12Posts
    • 2Thanks
    Mr_GoldMine
    Child Maintenance
    • #1
    • 13th Sep 18, 10:46 PM
    Child Maintenance 13th Sep 18 at 10:46 PM
    Good evening peepz.

    I am a 37 year old male. My cohabitant of 15 months left me and took our child (9 months old at the time) with her back to Central London (her parents house) around May 2018.

    Me and my partner were privately mediating (for around 2.5 months until three weeks ago when she decided to cut off access to the baby, in turn i said i would only pay if i see the baby. My partner then started the child maintenance process and i had no choice but to start the mediation stuff.

    Before she started living with me, i did catch her having an affair with another guy, i forgave her insisting she better not do anything to jeopardize the relationship me and my partner have. She did jeopardize it. In the end i just got tired of her lying (caught her lying quite a few times) and also had enough of her materialistic approach to everything (she wants to claim x y z benefits, she wants to live with me but don't want to chip in for anything).

    Anyway, my salary is around 33000 GBP for the tax year 2017/18, the child maintenance people want me to pay circa 340 ish per month. My partner has gone back to her parents and will stay with them the rest of her life, she depends on her parents and their wealth (they own a 9-bed 3 million pound house in central London, 5 bedrooms are on rent + her brother is on 3k a week after tax, another brother 'London bus driver' is on 2k a month). The money coming from me is minimal to that family (who has a combined monthly income of at least 18k a month inc government pensions and benefits). Given their financial circumstances, i know my 75 contribution wont make a difference to them, i know my partner will spend that blind without any accountability.

    There is a small chance on parentage uncertainty so i have requested a paternity test at my expense with the CMS just to be doubly sure the child is mine before i start paying for the next 17 years or so.

    With my employer, i pay about 90 quid into the pension, my employer matches it. i don't have any other salary sacrifice.

    I've read that people have managed to reduce their CMS payments by going self employed, understating tax, increasing the pension, leaving their job (god forbid i don't want to leave my job, i love it), some salary sacrifice scheme i.e. cycle to work, left their moderate paying job to go to a lower paid one. I cant do that i got a mortgage of 600 a month. Nor can i go part time and take up another manual labour cash in hand job for the remaining days in the week. I can't do that. I feel stuck, prisoned, hands tied. I'm tempted to take up another job on evenings and weekends, but but my day job can be mentally demanding sometimes, at 5pm(if i'm lucky to leave at 5pm) just want come home and chill and on weekends take up some leisurely activities.

    I know my partner is the kind of person who is going to mess me about to the limits in regards to access the child, she would stoop as low as brainwashing the child against me up until the point my own kid (paternity test permitting) will say to me "get lost, u ain't my dad, i hate you"

    is there anyway i can reduce my payments via the CMS, 75 quid a week is a lot, if the kid were with me (and partner) i wouldn't be paying 75 quid for upkeep. for the first 9 months the average weekly spend on baby stuff + food was 30 - 40 quid, remember i said 'Average'. Others have told me "your paying 75 quid and your complaining?, others pay loads more on top of that the CMS people prescribe". Suppose different circumstances demand different levels of compassion. No one wants to be a mug. I don't like my partners stance on this, it seems the female side is getting the upper hand, duped me for my money and gifts, even went on to try to claim a share of my house, what the heck?

    Please don't judge me, if the kid is mine i'm happy to pay, what riles me up is that there is no accountability. It would be better if the NRP paid the CMS people, and the CMS people issued vouchers to the Resident Parent, that way at least we'll know money is being spent on baby milk powder, nappies etc. rather than a mothers ideal dream shopping spree in Westfield shopping centre with a monthly payout of 340 from some bloke she spites everyday because he wasn't the mug she hoped he would be and that she couldn't get everything her way so her dream of task-mastering her family life with her partner(me) is shattered.

    The mediation people say there's no link between money paid by father and the access he has to the child he is paying for? is that fair? If i lose access to the kid I'm paying for, its going to feel like I'm financing an orphan? well she will never be an orphan while her biological parents are about.... pay or no pay, my partner would do anything to get the upper hand, if i don't pay it will be "you ain't paying, why do you want to see her", "goddam you woman, when i was paying you bloody stopped access"

    is that right? the fathers rights are being violated on a ethical and moral basis by the kids mother, and this is happening all too often. The mothers are using UK law and rule to dismember their former partners financially and mentally.

    I wish the CMS system would be reviewed, yes it needs a better restructure even though they restructured it from CSA recently.

    Any impartial non judgemental advice appreciated please, life is hard, life is very hard, what a journey its been. Those of you who are privileged, count your blessings, count them every day.
    Last edited by Mr_GoldMine; 13-09-2018 at 10:49 PM. Reason: grammer correction
Page 2
    • pollyanna24
    • By pollyanna24 5th Nov 19, 1:55 PM
    • 4,198 Posts
    • 6,511 Thanks
    pollyanna24
    As stated, the OP hasn't come back, so probably not genuine, but the bit that got me is the complaining about 75. Even if the ex is taking this money and spending it in Westfields (!), the child most like still costs more than 150 (if we are assuming the ex is also paying 75).

    So the OP just sounds like they don't want to pay anything for their own child. It shouldn't matter how much each party is earning, it matters how much the child is costing!
    Pink Sproglettes born 2008 and 2010
    Mortgages (End 2017) - 180,235.03
    (End 2018) - 169,999.96
    (End 2019) - Target 160,000
    • Comms69
    • By Comms69 5th Nov 19, 2:06 PM
    • 10,350 Posts
    • 12,514 Thanks
    Comms69
    As stated, the OP hasn't come back, so probably not genuine, but the bit that got me is the complaining about 75. Even if the ex is taking this money and spending it in Westfields (!), the child most like still costs more than 150 (if we are assuming the ex is also paying 75).

    So the OP just sounds like they don't want to pay anything for their own child. It shouldn't matter how much each party is earning, it matters how much the child is costing!
    Originally posted by pollyanna24


    The OP posted yesterday


    To be fair, 75 a week is fairly reasonable. That's 325 a month; so 650 + child benefit (which is around 90?).


    That's getting into the realms of actual costs.
    • pollyanna24
    • By pollyanna24 5th Nov 19, 2:20 PM
    • 4,198 Posts
    • 6,511 Thanks
    pollyanna24
    The OP posted yesterday


    To be fair, 75 a week is fairly reasonable. That's 325 a month; so 650 + child benefit (which is around 90?).


    That's getting into the realms of actual costs.
    Originally posted by Comms69
    Oops, I think I got bored after a few of the posts and skipped to the end.
    Pink Sproglettes born 2008 and 2010
    Mortgages (End 2017) - 180,235.03
    (End 2018) - 169,999.96
    (End 2019) - Target 160,000
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