Debt and Mental Health - How have your debts affected you?

sunshine&showers_2 · 1 June 2016 at 7:40AM

Hi everyone

I'm new today and this post is very close to home for me. I have a large amount of cc debt, around £25,000 and my debts have affected my mental health and my mental health has affected my debts.

I joined here as I struggle to talk about my debts with most people for fear of being judged. I've built the debt up through various things, one of the toughest ones to admit though is I spend on others because I want them to think of me in a positive way, to be liked. It's the way I briefly have self esteem, if others praise me then I feel good for awhile.

So I'm tackling both head on now, my debt and my mental health and I think it's great for mse to highlight this area too.

Good luck to everyone on here and remember you aren't alone

X

Isa76 · 21 August 2016 at 10:44AM

I just found this thread and reading other people's stories has helped immensely. Has my debt caused my MH issues or has MH caused my debt? Who knows and the truth is it doesn't matter. It's about having a okish day and finding inspiration when your brain can say - it's possible.

Now I need to try to help myself. I have not worked now for 3 (I think) years following redundancy but was already on my way down into my second episode. I live with my parents, I am older than I should be, and not as wise as I should be. This episode is hard and I used to spend money without thinking to make me feel better about my life and today I am hoping to change that. I am not getting any money and am living on my parents which is humiliating but worst of all not fair to them.

In my experience the NHS is a great institution but when it comes to MH it all seems to be about circumstances. If you are not suicidal then they just want to give you pills to keep you "working/living a normal life" or existing until you crash.

The charity MIND has saved me, it has led me to volunteering and now this thread has convinced me that I can be debt free - maybe just before I die but that's better than not at all right? I'm not going to sugar coat this, if I were to close my eyes tomorrow and not wake up the only thing that would haunt is the mess I would leave behind for loved ones so I'm not going to do that to them.

I'm going to get better and when I am better I am going to sort myself out financially. I can't cope with focusing on more than one thing at a time as I wobble so getting better will take priority but the debts are my responsibility and I need/want to sort them out. I will get there I just have to keep fighting. One day at a time.

This thread has given me a flicker of hope without making me feel like I am the worst specimen on the planet. It hasn't humiliated me, made me feel small for all my faults and shortcomings or criticised (yet!), maybe one day I will be better and maybe one day I will be debt free. Who knows. But I want to try and sometimes that is half the battle. Sometimes just waking up everyday is the battle. But each day we must fight each battle one tiny bit at a time. Thank you to all that have written and posted on this thread. Today you have inspired and saved a life.

Herc_Time · 5 September 2016 at 3:53PM

I was a pathological gambler.I gambled from early childhood to the 29 year . I passed the whole circle of interest in the game through first gains, debts , usury , fighting with myself.
I met many people that have gambled , watched them how they becoming poor and how they rock their families.I thought that I am not liked tham, that I have everything under control.Because one event I stopped gambling,and now I fell I have obligation to help other people. To help gambeler you have to understand that feeling of unbearable impulse,joy and suffering that gambling brings with it. You have to be stronger than him.
.

Joanna_jinxed · 10 September 2016 at 2:11PM

My mental health and my debt are unhappy bedfellows.

I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder when I was 20. Impulsive spending was an easy get-out from reality. From the moment I went to university and was given an overdraft, I have been in debt. I spent all the megre savings I had, spent all the money in my overdraft, acquired credit cards and loans...it goes on and on every time I hit a low period in my mental health, my spending goes out of control. Then I get a bit better, budget sensibly...but it all gets too much and I wind up back where I started. I've been sleepless and near suicidal at times. Now I'm looking down the barrel of the £25k of debt I've racked up and I'm determined to take control. I've gotten in contact with a debt relief charity and I'm determined to start taking the small steps towards being debt free. I'm 32 now, and my goal is to be debt-free by 40. I want to start a family, although while my finances are so dire I won't even entertain the idea.

joshsmith11 · 5 October 2016 at 1:34PM

[FONT=&quot]Ok, firstly I have read a lot of threads on this forum and I don't think my situation is that bad in comparison to others. However, I am now suffering from depression and would like some advice on how to proceed with my life and finances.

I am a 24 year old male, currently living at home with my parents. Around 8 months ago I suffered from rage and lost a substantial (to me) amount of money gambling. The gambling situation is now firmly under control and I will never make the same mistakes again. In order for me to see ends meat and to pay my bills, I took out multiple loans.

I am in full time employment (having been with the same company for nearly 3 years) and currently earn a net pay of £1,171.99 (after NI, tax and company pension) - I don’t have any money saved or tied up elsewhere.

My next month’s payments look as below and this is the basis for month upon month;[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]£100 board to my parents - ongoing[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]£50 phone contract until - January 2017[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]£145 car finance - (3 years left)[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]£70 Car insurance - until September 2017[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]£100 petrol - ongoing[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]£3 p/m – car tax[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]£250 paying girlfriend back for holidays/money lent - £2,000 outstanding[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Football subs £25 p/m[/FONT]

In addition to the above I also need to pay £100 to my mum (money owed). Also I have a lot of birthdays and Christmas plus other miscellaneous which also cause outgoings.
[FONT=&quot]
My debts are as follows:[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]HSBC 1 - 12 monthly payments left of £84.15. (£993.70 outstanding). [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]HSBC 2 - 12 monthly payments left of £161.82. (£1,925.80 outstanding).[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Zopa 1 - 36 monthly payments left of £40.74. (£1,466.64 outstanding).[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Zopa 2 - 31 monthly payments left of £39.70. (£1,190.00 outstanding).[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Rate Setter - 30 monthly payments of £54.47. (£1,493.39 left outstanding).[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]I appreciate this was my own doing and I have nobody other than myself to blame but I am really struggling with uncharacteristic mood swings due to this and it is getting me down.
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I also have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for over 3 years now and we are desperate to save to buy our own place, her finances are much better than mine. She currently has deposit saved of over 6k and also comes out with £500 a month saving money.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
I don't want to seek doctor’s advice as I don't want this to affect my work life or anything.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I have also been asked to interview for a new job at a big company with a large pay increase. However, with this obviously comes with the risk of meeting the probation period targets ect.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Is it worth looking into setting up an IVA or should I stick to my payments and suffer the consequences of my actions for the next couple of years? If I was to take out additional support/advise, would this ruin my credit history of ever getting a mortgage with my partner? Would I have to declare this on all future correspondence such as job offers or anything to do with payments such as insurance companies?

I would be grateful to hear some advice on how to proceed with this and also seeing the bigger picture as to regards to future plans.

Thanks,
Josh.[/FONT]

HEROWHENZERO · 7 October 2016 at 1:41PM

Hi Josh, firstly well done for confronting your issues. I too was your age when I first went mad gambling, and for a time I started sorting stuff out. My trouble was I didn't keep the gambling addiction in check and 13 years later, I'm significantly worse off, a house and 2 relationships down and 91k in the red. Don't underestimate the damage gambling addiction can bring. If you don't already go, I strongly recommend regularly attending GA meetings. Keep going to meetings and the chances of reoccurrence is dramatically reduced.

As for the finances, contact StepChange discuss the options with them. I'm on a Debt Management Plan with them.

rockey100 · 22 October 2016 at 2:25PM

Managing debt is hugely difficult. The more proactive and manageable I am around my debt the better I generally feel about it.

I've come out of 40k debt so it can be done.

morecambe.bae · 27 October 2016 at 11:33AM

Joanna - I'm totally with you on the BPD thing, I wrestled with it for years. The biggest problem is impulse buying... when I'm not feeling great I'll buy food or clothes or makeup... sometimes I find myself in the shop before I'm even fully aware of what I'm doing.

My poor mental health is the primary cause of my debt.

HEROWHENZERO · 27 October 2016 at 12:29PM

One of the things that I am learning in recovery that behaviours relating to reckless spending, overeating, alcohol, drugs, gambling etc etc, can be overcome by learning to love yourself. I've battled for years with mild depression, ultimately resulting in a major depressive episode. All of those years, I put constant demands on myself, sometimes, actually almost always unrealistic, just so I could beat myself up with a brick. I've been in recovery now for 7 months and am learning to take it day by day, to beat myself up with a feather (doesn't hurt so much) and learn to love myself. I am not what my mind tells me I am, I am who I desire to be. I'm not depressed, I am me, depression exists in my life but it doesn't have to define me or label me.

I am unable to give what I don't have therefore if I don't love myself how can I love someone else. I dearly love my wife and children, therefore I must love myself in some level, hidden amongst the warped thoughts in my washing machine head.

Today, I will change my thoughts, today I am a success! I am not making my financial position worse, and I am paying off my debt. I am up, dressed, at work, my family has a roof over their head, they have food on the table, they have clothes and shoes and toys. Some children are lucky to have just one of the essentials for survival. The more I think about it, the more grateful I am, my life isn't actually that bad, in fact it's great, so I just need to keep telling my mind that fact.

I am as happy as I make up my mind to be.

Just for today I will be happy!

Kawaii_Corgi · 2 November 2016 at 3:12PM

I do find my debt causes me a lot of anxiety; but as I go to a counsellor to cope with my anxiety in general and take medication, I find that side of it fairly manageable. I do really struggle though with the self image part of my MH; some days I absolutely hate myself for being in debt, not because it affects me (in my head I deserve feeling awful because it's my fault) but because it affects those around me, especially my husband, in terms of not being able to move or do much thanks to my lack of funds. Sounds dramatic I know but in my head I'm a 'bad person' because of it!

Debt and Mental Health - How have your debts affected you?

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