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LBT_UK
Posts: 9 Forumite
Hello peeps,
I be straight to the point.
I'm a first time home owner with our new property, second time for my Partner. Moved from a Leasehold 1 bedroom flat, to a Brand New Freehold 3 bed detached house, only problem is we moved out of the area to get said house, and now I've come to the conclusion I just want to go back to our Home town, for a few reasons..
Now I know people say that in time you will settle and adjust but here is the thing.
On day one I regretted the move, realised I'd focused on the house but not things like where the house is (a quiet village) where I used to live in a Town (streetlights, people mooching about, more interaction with people).
Now I know we all take time to adjust but it's been 4 months, I've literally stressed myself to the point of Anxiety attacks and I've not slept right since we moved. Every night I wake up on a knife edge, sweating, pounding heart and I cannot for the life of me get a decent nights sleep. I kept blaming various issues at the house, which on reflection aren't issues it's me simply trying to objectify my Anxiety into something which can be fixed.
On top of this I didn't realise how much my journey is affecting my mental state either, it has doubled in time, and I need to take my partner to a local train station near my work and pick her up in the evenings as the travel cost from home is freakishly expensive considering the journey.
I've explored the area and found we have a population of like 3,500 people tops and it's generally very, very quiet.
I'm seeing the GP on Friday because i'm such a wreck and i'm trying to level myself out, and while my partner is being very supportive I had to admit yesterday that i'm not happy and I only see moving back to our old local as a way of re balancing my sanity. I hope the GP can sort me out but equally I'm not going to be on pills for the rest of my life rather than moving if moving will make the difference.
Can anyone come in on this and tell me whether they have had Extreme Anxiety with Panic Attacks and Suicidal thoughts and got through it, or did you move back to where you felt more comfortable? I have a real mental health issue regarding this move and even if I get that sorted I can't say I am happy we did this.
As I feel at the minute I need to level myself out, and look to move in the Spring even though it will only be 9-10 months since we bought and somehow offset the cost of moving again, selling anything I can and saving all spare cash as well to wards it.
I be straight to the point.
I'm a first time home owner with our new property, second time for my Partner. Moved from a Leasehold 1 bedroom flat, to a Brand New Freehold 3 bed detached house, only problem is we moved out of the area to get said house, and now I've come to the conclusion I just want to go back to our Home town, for a few reasons..
Now I know people say that in time you will settle and adjust but here is the thing.
On day one I regretted the move, realised I'd focused on the house but not things like where the house is (a quiet village) where I used to live in a Town (streetlights, people mooching about, more interaction with people).
Now I know we all take time to adjust but it's been 4 months, I've literally stressed myself to the point of Anxiety attacks and I've not slept right since we moved. Every night I wake up on a knife edge, sweating, pounding heart and I cannot for the life of me get a decent nights sleep. I kept blaming various issues at the house, which on reflection aren't issues it's me simply trying to objectify my Anxiety into something which can be fixed.
On top of this I didn't realise how much my journey is affecting my mental state either, it has doubled in time, and I need to take my partner to a local train station near my work and pick her up in the evenings as the travel cost from home is freakishly expensive considering the journey.
I've explored the area and found we have a population of like 3,500 people tops and it's generally very, very quiet.
I'm seeing the GP on Friday because i'm such a wreck and i'm trying to level myself out, and while my partner is being very supportive I had to admit yesterday that i'm not happy and I only see moving back to our old local as a way of re balancing my sanity. I hope the GP can sort me out but equally I'm not going to be on pills for the rest of my life rather than moving if moving will make the difference.
Can anyone come in on this and tell me whether they have had Extreme Anxiety with Panic Attacks and Suicidal thoughts and got through it, or did you move back to where you felt more comfortable? I have a real mental health issue regarding this move and even if I get that sorted I can't say I am happy we did this.
As I feel at the minute I need to level myself out, and look to move in the Spring even though it will only be 9-10 months since we bought and somehow offset the cost of moving again, selling anything I can and saving all spare cash as well to wards it.
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Comments
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1. How near is your home town and how much bigger is it than "new location"? So - are you able to go back for social events/day shopping trips/etc or is it that far away that you'd feel the need to stay one or more nights in order to have a visit back?
2. How do the finances stack up generally re moving back? If you did move back - what level of accommodation would you have? how much would what I call "swopover costs" come to?
3. Is "new location" still the same part of the country - and so the difference boils down to smaller, ie rather than having a rather different "feel" to it generally iyswim?
4. In a smaller place then, by definition, whatever you personally are like/what interests you have/etc there are going to be fewer people in "your tribe" (ie like-minded interests/way of thinking/etc). A place of that size has probably got a lot fewer of "your tribe" there - but it's big enough there should be a few (if not as many as you are used to) and have you found any of them yet?0 -
If your partner is sympathetic then sell up and move back. Nothing should stand in the way of quality of life.no signature0
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What does your partner feel about moving back?
After all, there must have been a reason you both chose the location that you did, and you knew before moving that it was going to be a much quieter location, from visiting and doing your homework? Didn't you?
So what's changed about the reasons that took the both of you there? Are you sure the attacks are to do with the move and not with anything else going on with your life? Have you had mental health issues in the past? I suppose I'm wondering what if you move again but still feel unwell?All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.
Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.0 -
Chappers27 wrote: »If your partner is sympathetic then sell up and move back. Nothing should stand in the way of quality of life.
I agree, if you can financially move back then do it. Speak to your partner about how truly upset you are and I'm sure they'll also want to move in a heartbeat.0 -
moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »1. How near is your home town and how much bigger is it than "new location"? So - are you able to go back for social events/day shopping trips/etc or is it that far away that you'd feel the need to stay one or more nights in order to have a visit back?
2. How do the finances stack up generally re moving back? If you did move back - what level of accommodation would you have? how much would what I call "swopover costs" come to?
3. Is "new location" still the same part of the country - and so the difference boils down to smaller, ie rather than having a rather different "feel" to it generally iyswim?
4. In a smaller place then, by definition, whatever you personally are like/what interests you have/etc there are going to be fewer people in "your tribe" (ie like-minded interests/way of thinking/etc). A place of that size has probably got a lot fewer of "your tribe" there - but it's big enough there should be a few (if not as many as you are used to) and have you found any of them yet?
1. We can go back but it's a 45 min journey and because of work I could only do it at a weekend. We can visit but I want to stay there, I have no desire to drive home afterwards. It's probably 10x bigger than the village I currently reside in.
2. Moving back would be the usual fees, stamp duty, solicitor fees, removals, etc. 20-25K I could see us buying a semi/end of terrace with 2-3 bedrooms, I've already looked to selling my car and dumping all financials I have into the pot to leave. Being optimistic 15K towards the move.
3. It's a case of I felt really dumb moving on D day and have felt since Depressed and Anxious all the time with any decisions being beyond my mental capacity, I originally blamed the house, but I don't like the Dark, Quiet, Lack of population, local town being a 15-20 min drive and missing being in town rather than living in a village outside the fringe.
4. The village is very quiet with little to no one walking about the village, the only lively place is the local restaurant / pub but it's not somewhere people hang out, it's an events venue for weddings etc.. My interests are.... different I'm not into football, sports etc. I'm a big online gaming player which makes people wonder why I don't like the village, but honestly I prefer the bussel of town/city life, seeing people and generally noticing people living there lives, where I am I see my next door neighbour and not a lot else.0 -
Speaking with your GP is the right thing to do. You've already noted that you may be projecting other fears and anxieties onto the house and the move, so there could be some other underlying issues that you will need to sort out (even if you did move back "home" it might not resolve the other stuff).
In terms of the social life worries, there's usually plenty of social stuff happening in villages, esp. one with 3,500 people, it's just less likely to be casual interaction on the street and more organised clubs and societies.
The village I grew up in was around the same size but it had sports clubs (football, tennis, rugby, badminton etc), music groups / choirs, amateur dramatics, Scouts / Guides, ramblers, reading groups, allotments, churches, humanist groups etc etc. But you might have to actively seek these things out, and even if they might not seem to be your cup of tea to start with they can still help you build friendships with people.
e.g. I'm a mediocre tennis player, but when we moved to our current town I joined the tennis club and went along to some of the casual open-to-all evening sessions. I now have a regular poker game with the husbands of some of the ladies I played against, and another group of friends who I go cycling with, as well as a separate circle I play tennis with.
Also, do you and/or your partner have the option to work from home 1-2 days a week, which might cut down some of the stress of commuting?0 -
Perhaps this thread belongs somewhere else@
http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/forumdisplay.php?f=81
the health section, this section is about buying, selling and renting, not the mental issues in between
We are neither your GP nor psychiatrists, go see a professional, we can not do anything for you here, be it counselling or medications"It is prudent when shopping for something important, not to limit yourself to Pound land/Estate Agents"
G_M/ Bowlhead99 RIP0 -
What does your partner feel about moving back?
After all, there must have been a reason you both chose the location that you did, and you knew before moving that it was going to be a much quieter location, from visiting and doing your homework? Didn't you?
So what's changed about the reasons that took the both of you there? Are you sure the attacks are to do with the move and not with anything else going on with your life? Have you had mental health issues in the past? I suppose I'm wondering what if you move again but still feel unwell?
We chose the house as from the outset it seemed ideal.
Brand new
Detached
3 Bed
Checked the crimerate etc.
Knew it was localish to the town.
Journey to work (tested it on two occasions) seemed fine.
We looked into the local Electricity pylon and saw no issues with it (some suggest there not good for you)
Honestly I thought it would all work out and my partner liked it too, the first house we saw eye to eye on.
Regarding outside reasons, I work for a family business and we have a great relationship with no real stresses and we all support each other, other than my change in home life nothing else has changed nor am I aware of other outside stresses.
I'm usually extremely collected, a very logical thinker who doesn't stress about anything due to the way I see things. This is the first time i've suffered from any mental health issue, and it has come out of no where to my knowledge.
I agree I know moving back could change nothing, but as soon as I consider moving back to somewhere I know I feel far better and if I could click my fingers and live back somewhere I've lived before I would.0 -
Thanks to everyone understanding my health issues apart from that one person.0
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Perhaps this thread belongs somewhere else@
http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/forumdisplay.php?f=81
the health section, this section is about buying, selling and renting, not the mental issues in between
We are neither your GP nor psychiatrists, go see a professional, we can not do anything for you here, be it counselling or medications
Some people are harsh. Jeez.no signature0
This discussion has been closed.
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