Finding it really hard to separate my finances from my partner's

sithemadmonkey · 10 October 2018 at 11:17PM

I've recently had my LBM (after many mini-LBMs that have all *nearly* worked!) and am trying to sort out a proper income and expenditure to give to StepChange so they can advise on my sorry state of affairs.

The problem is it's really hard to separate out my finances from my wife's. We have always had 'joint' finances - everything goes into a joint account and is used to pay the bills. There's such little left afterwards that we don't really come across the problem of who spends the surplus on what, but any spending is always by consensus. We don't really have a concept of 'my' money and 'her' money, it's all joint.
I'm the sole earner currently, but any benefits we get (Child Tax Credits, Child Benefit, Carers Allowance and my son's DLA) are all paid to her. We have various debts, some in our own names and some jointly. I have much more than her, but hers is far from insignificant.

With this in mind, are we going to be able to approach creditors as one 'unit' with regards to splitting up surplus money for debt repayment, or are they going to insist on seeing our individual I&E so they can get 'their' share? Am I going to have to split the surplus proportionately according to who earns what, and do it that way? I'm getting so confused, any help would be so much appreciated!

(...feel free to tell me to just speak to StepChange, I will be doing that in the morning but sadly they seem to close their lines just as I manage to get the kids to bed each night...)

NeverendingDMP · 11 October 2018 at 12:22PM

Hiya I used to be with stepchange. Can recommend them by the way. Our budget was all our wages income added up etc then all our joint bills taken off. It didn't matter who earned what it the surplus leftover was just spilt amongst everyone we owe money to. Now I self managed sort it out myself (i have children who don't sleep or be quiet at the right times to make the phonecalls too ha ha. )
I still work off total income less outgoings and then it gets split pro rata across all our debts.
I would try and speak to stepchange as your child's DLA may be protected income or something so not included? No idea if it is but just a thought. There is a stepchange advisor thread on here were you can ask questions online as well.

W&R · 11 October 2018 at 12:25PM

We have a mixture of sole and joint debts and are doing a joint DMP. The same Income and Expenditure details (joint) were sent to all creditors. Step Change Remedy tool is a good start for sorting out your income and expenditure (it gives suggested amounts for some things - which is handy as you can see what is likely to be an acceptable amount). We had problems getting through to them in the evenings too - easier to get through on a Saturday.
Good luck!

ReadingTim · 12 October 2018 at 4:11PM

If you're married (as it seems you are) what does it matter whose debt it is? If income and expenditure is effectively pooled, why not debt? "...for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer..." etc remember?

You both need LBMs to get through this - one partner can't carry on regardless, nor can the other one have it on behalf of the 2 of them...

Gemsy81 · 13 October 2018 at 8:32AM

I think all your money needs to go into one 'pot' and then you can work out what you have, this is the only way to do it. If your wife is responsible for food shopping, kids clothes etc ( making an assumption here based on the fact she seems to be at home with the kids at the mo), then you can always transfer the relevant amount into her account? How is she with dealing with money?

datlex · 14 October 2018 at 12:36PM

Why don't you have accounts (or envelopes) for different things including each of your personal spends. Kids expenses and food should NOT count as your wife's spends- they are a joint expense.

enthusiasticsaver · 14 October 2018 at 6:04PM

You can do a joint DMP which might be easiest if you combine income and both have debt. If you do a separate DMP for each of you technically all your wife will have in income is benefits which will presumably barely cover her half of essential expenditure. That will mean presumably a surplus for you once your half of essential expenses and any non essentials are accounted for. They will only go to your debts. Your wife's lenders may well write some of hers off if she proves she has no income and no likelihood of her situation improving if your child's disability means she cannot work. Both your credit histories will be trashed.

Finding it really hard to separate my finances from my partner's

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