Marriage problems

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  • elsien
    elsien Posts: 32,684 Forumite
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    Ergates wrote: »
    Sounds like a real catch.

    First, make sure your income is safe from him - maybe open a new account he is unaware of and have your wages sent there. Make sure he doesn't find out any of the details.

    Stop paying of anything not in your name. Don't give him any money, ever, for any reason. Don't do *anything* for him. Don't feed him, don't wash his clothes.

    Ask him to leave. Constantly. Every day, make sure to remind him he's a worthless parasite and he needs to leave. Eventually he might get the message.

    As he smokes/drinks/etc with any luck he might just die soon. The world will be a better place without him. Tell him this too.

    This might sound harsh, but your "partner" is a sack of !!!!, you can do better. You've stepped in things what were better.

    There is a young child in the house and this is his/her father. The OP might want to consider how to end the relationship without continually running down the other parent in front of the child.
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
  • Ergates
    Ergates Posts: 2,108 Forumite
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    edited 9 April 2019 at 9:52PM
    elsien wrote: »
    There is a young child in the house and this is his/her father. The OP might want to consider how to end the relationship without continually running down the other parent in front of the child.

    With the father as the OP describes, the child will be better off without him around.
  • AylesburyDuck
    AylesburyDuck Posts: 939 Forumite
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    Divorce NOW
    You dont want this man child (i shant call him a man) influencing your Child as s/he grows, monkey see monkey do, he should not be constant role model for your child.
    He sounds utterly vile.
    ,
    Fully paid up member of the ignore button club.
    If it walks like a Duck, quacks like a Duck, it's a Duck.
  • winterblues2019
    winterblues2019 Posts: 32 Forumite
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    Thanks all for your advice and contributions, he has his bank accounts and I have mine and the only joint thing is the mortgage. Car finance is in his name.

    I will go and see a solicitor and then put the house on the market for a fresh start.

    He loves our son but our relationship is over and we want different things from life so time to get the ball rolling.
  • Candyapple
    Candyapple Posts: 3,384 Forumite
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    winterblues2019 wrote: »
    I will go and see a solicitor and then put the house on the market for a fresh start.


    You do realise that if he doesn't want to sell (and why should he, he has everything paid for by you, a nice roof over his head and I bet you he doesn't want to pay his half of the exit fee!) then you are going to be in for a very lengthy and costly court battle to be even able to put the property up for sale in the first place.

    Yes speak to a solicitor, but also be prepared to speak to the police about a non-molestation order because once you have the talk with him that you want to divorce and sell the house, I don't see him being reasonable and friendly to you.
    I'm a Board Guide on the Credit Cards, Loans, Credit Files & Ratings boards. I'm a volunteer to help the boards run smoothly, and I can move and merge threads there. Any views are mine and not the official line of moneysavingexpert.com
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,557 Forumite
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    winterblues2019 wrote: »
    I will go and see a solicitor and then put the house on the market for a fresh start.

    You won't be able to sell the house unless he agrees to it.
  • winterblues2019
    winterblues2019 Posts: 32 Forumite
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    That's the next hurdle I guess, to get him to agree that we sell the house and go our separate ways or I'll have to lock the door from the inside at 10pm every night when I go to bed and he won't be able to get in and will have to sleep in his car!
  • Soundgirlrocks
    Soundgirlrocks Posts: 744 Forumite
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    How much is the house worth and how much is the equity? Would it be possible to buy him out as part of a divorce? It might be worth speaking to your lender and finding out what your options are, but if you can afford it you might be able to increase the mortgage to pay him off and get it into your sole name so no ERP.

    Obviously this would need his agreement and should probably be done as part of a divorce, but he sound like the sort that would say yes to a lump sum to b****r off.
  • elsien
    elsien Posts: 32,684 Forumite
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    winterblues2019 wrote: »
    That's the next hurdle I guess, to get him to agree that we sell the house and go our separate ways or I'll have to lock the door from the inside at 10pm every night when I go to bed and he won't be able to get in and will have to sleep in his car!

    You can't do that. He has as much right to be there as you do, including calling a locksmith to regain access.
    And to the poster talking about non-molestation or harassment orders, while they are fine if needed, they are not a tool to force someone who has a right to be there out of the house just because you don't want them there.
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
  • winterblues2019
    winterblues2019 Posts: 32 Forumite
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    He put about £25k towards the deposit and I put about £160k so I'll have to look at some deal to buy him out.
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