Marriage problems

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  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 34,685 Forumite
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    AylesburyDuck wrote: »
    You can guess all you want but neither of us will ever know who tires first, or even if he'll ever move his gear back in the first place. Lets face it, you could play the "what if he does the opposite game" all day long, but it makes neither of them fact! ;)
    From what the OP says, he's such an obnoxious character that I doubt very much that he'll go quietly.

    Especially as:
    winterblues2019 wrote: »
    His family lived with us for nearly 10 years in my 1 bedroom flat without asking me
    That behaviour alone makes me think he'll go a long way to get his own way.

    One post you're saying he's abusive, the next that he might not move his gear back into the main bedroom. :cool:

    I agree none of us knows what he'll do but he certainly doesn't sound like he'll roll over and go quietly.
  • AylesburyDuck
    AylesburyDuck Posts: 939 Forumite
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    edited 12 April 2019 at 4:37PM
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    Pollycat wrote: »
    From what the OP says, he's such an obnoxious character that I doubt very much that he'll go quietly.

    Especially as:

    That behaviour alone makes me think he'll go a long way to get his own way.

    One post you're saying he's abusive, the next that he might not move his gear back into the main bedroom. :cool:

    I agree none of us knows what he'll do but he certainly doesn't sound like he'll roll over and go quietly.
    And, just because he is abusive , doesnt mean he will, he may well think (if he's up his own !!!!, which it sounds like he is) that ignoring her may make her suffer.
    Like i said, guess all you want, you dont have a crystal ball, non of us do!
    ,
    Fully paid up member of the ignore button club.
    If it walks like a Duck, quacks like a Duck, it's a Duck.
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 34,685 Forumite
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    AylesburyDuck wrote: »
    And, just because he is abusive , doesnt mean he will, he may well think (if he's up his own !!!!, which it sounds like he is) that ignoring her may make her suffer.
    Like i said, guess all you want, you dont have a crystal ball, non of us do!
    Amen to that. All you are doing is guessing too. ;)
  • AylesburyDuck
    AylesburyDuck Posts: 939 Forumite
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    Pollycat wrote: »
    Amen to that. All you are doing is guessing too. ;)
    I've said that a couple of times now Pollycat, keep up girl! :rotfl:
    ,
    Fully paid up member of the ignore button club.
    If it walks like a Duck, quacks like a Duck, it's a Duck.
  • Gavin83
    Gavin83 Posts: 8,749 Forumite
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    AylesburyDuck wrote: »
    If you do not see the abuse above then :eek: i hope you are single, seriously hope you dont call your OH "not needed" "Lazy" or not let her rest when ill, while having 15 grand cars you expect your wife to pay for while you do nothing and drink and drive in it.
    You dont see that as abuse? :eek:

    Once again I don't see what your issue is and you seem to be seeing things in my post that don't exist. I quite clearly said his behaviour is unacceptable but I still don't think it constitutes abuse, no.

    And not that my relationship status has anything to do with you but I'm happy married. Quite why you think I'd treat my wife like that is beyond me.
    AylesburyDuck wrote: »
    As for the forcibly removed, maybe not on the abuse thats currently being displayed, but once the OP digs her heels in he may well show his true colours and get violent, and the very second that happens then she can get a court order to remove him.

    Of course if he gets violent she can get him removed from the property, I don't disagree with you there. However there's currently no signs that'll occur.
  • spirit
    spirit Posts: 2,886 Forumite
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    Pollycat wrote: »
    And what happens if he simply moves his stuff back in?

    Mine did that and I just moved it back to spare room again.
    Mortgage free as of 10/02/2015. Every brick and blade of grass belongs to meeeee. :j
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 34,685 Forumite
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    spirit wrote: »
    Mine did that and I just moved it back to spare room again.
    And how long did you continue doing that?

    And was your partner's behaviour at the time similar to what the OP says her partner's is?

    My ex would have accepted it and stayed in the spare room.

    But my friend's ex who was a nightmare as they were splitting up (he was having an affair) refused to leave the marital bed.
    He didn't want sex, he just wanted to make her life as miserable as he possibly could.
  • AylesburyDuck
    AylesburyDuck Posts: 939 Forumite
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    Gavin83 wrote: »
    Once again I don't see what your issue is and you seem to be seeing things in my post that don't exist. I quite clearly said his behaviour is unacceptable but I still don't think it constitutes abuse, no.

    And not that my relationship status has anything to do with you but I'm happy married. Quite why you think I'd treat my wife like that is beyond me.



    Of course if he gets violent she can get him removed from the property, I don't disagree with you there. However there's currently no signs that'll occur.

    You do realise this is the 21 century right? 1980 called, it wants its attitude back please!
    ,
    Fully paid up member of the ignore button club.
    If it walks like a Duck, quacks like a Duck, it's a Duck.
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 34,685 Forumite
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    Gavin83 wrote: »
    Once again I don't see what your issue is and you seem to be seeing things in my post that don't exist. I quite clearly said his behaviour is unacceptable but I still don't think it constitutes abuse, no.
    AylesburyDuck wrote: »
    You do realise this is the 21 century right? 1980 called, it wants its attitude back please!
    It's a difference of opinion, based solely on what we have been told by one party in this mess.

    Nobody knows the OP's OH's side of events.
    Nobody on here will get to say 'yes, that's abuse' or 'no, that isn't abuse' in this case (or any other similar one).

    The OP needs proper legal advice.
  • winterblues2019
    winterblues2019 Posts: 32 Forumite
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    Hello all, thanks for your contributions, I've been off-line for a few days with my son for Easter holidays.
    I have told the man many times that his behaviour is unacceptable, I've told him how would he like it if he was working full time, paying for everything and his wife was going out 3 times a week, getting drunk and coming home at 3am or not coming home at all and not contributing to the mortgage (which is over a thousand) and the bills.

    I think he has a drink problem and being drunk and partying makes him happy and then he sleeps it off the next day.

    He went out on Saturday night and came home at 3am and I heard him downstairs with his cousin until 4am and I went to sleep. At 8am my son and I both woke him up and wouldn't let him go back to sleep, I told him he has a young son he needs to spend time with. He dozed on the sofa. I told him that this can't continue and we will sell the house. I spent the weekend watching youtube videos about alcoholics and being in a relationship with an alcoholic. The message is to leave them as they won't change for anyone but themselves. Alcoholics are selfish. His uncle died of alcoholism at 42.

    I can afford to pay for everything myself and I could get a lodger to help out.

    His family did live with us for many years but they did pay their way and they are good people, his brothers don't act the way he does towards their partners.

    The end is nigh!
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