I'm back (VERY SCARED) debt free diary

kelie · 18 March 2009 at 1:30AM

I was here last year when I discovered that a company who I have worked for affiliate marketing overpaid me for a year by approximately £19000 and they contacted me to ask for it back. I made a deal with them to pay them back monthly, but with personal issues (dad being very ill, then passing away last thursday), and splitting with ex, issues with new guy etc. I kind of buried my head in the sand and hoped it would all go away. Well it hasn't and I really do need to take control of my life or I will end up losing everything.

Basically, in October 2007 I was debt free, and I walked away with £30k from a share in a sale of my flat. Me and my boyfriend at the time both put all our money (60k) down on a new build house, then split up a month later. To cut a very long story short, I am now living in the house, paying the whole mortgage (as if I was renting the ex's half off him). We can't sell the house (there are houses nearby not selling and we'd be taking a massive hit since the house prices have nosedived).

My current boyfriend is currently unemployed and has been for a year. I managed to talk him into trying to get JSA until he gets back on his feet but they have declined him because of a lack in NI contributions for 2 tax years. So it's just my income coming in and money i'm borrowing off my mum which I don't really want to do.

Now, I owe 19000 to the affiliate marketing company, and I owe the following on credit cards:

Barclaycard: £2058.21 (on a 6% deal for life of the balance)
Tesco Credit Card: £1555.10 (interest free for another couple of months)
M&S Credit Card: £972.99 (again interest free for a little bit i think)
Virgin Credit Card: £337.55 (normal interest payment)
Egg Credit Card: £367.68 (interest free for a while)
Natwest Credit Card (in use monthly for web server): £1447.54

so that's £5291.53 on credit cards.

My current account is in my overdraft at -£1759.52 (I have a 4k arranged overdraft). My joint account with the ex which the mortgage comes out of is at -£1,966.24 (£2k arranged overdraft). But I do have a positive balance of £246.09 in my e-savings account ready to pay towards my 2nd half of my tax bill in July, and £267.07 in my business account.

I am frightened to death. Because of my dad being ill and my mum not being able to drive, I haven't worked properly for months (I am self employed web designer) When I do earn, I earn quite well, but its not getting any easier. I have just joined Avon to do on the side, and am going to be a sales leader. My bf isn't really helping things as he still wants to go out drinking every weekend in town which we can't afford but I don't want to kick him out as I love him

He also has a gambling problem which I have tried to deal with by letting him do it in his own name instead of mine, and setting it up so that he can't physically put money in himself. I am trying to get him to go to the AA / doctors for his drinking.

So all in all I have had a really crap year and a half. Good news is I am ready to deal with my debt and problems. I want to make my dad proud as I hid this from him and my family while he was ill as I thought they had enough to worry about. I have put all except one credit card away so I am not spending on them anymore. The minimum payments are quite high, I tried to phone them to lower them temporarily while I build my business back up, but none of them were budging apart from tesco but to be honest the deal wasn't worth it. I don't want to go down the bankrupcy route as I don't want to lose my house.

The £19000 debt is more of a side issue as I have come up with a deal with them without getting in any solicitors / debt collectors, however I haven't managed to pay them in 2 months. Thankfully they seem quite negotiable since it was their mess up and at least I am attempting to pay them back.

I will post an SOA as soon as I have done it

kelie · 18 March 2009 at 1:49AM

Monthly Income:

Mine: Variable, but last years net profit was £14000. Recently a lot lower with lack of work / concentration.

Boyfriend: None, not allowed JSA

Monthly Outgoings:

Mortgage: £709.76 (stuck in fixed rate until December 2009)
Council Tax: £130 (approx)
Contents & Buildings Insurance: £29.37
Gas/Electricity: £74.50
Water: £33.33 (paid every 6 months)
TV License: £12.04 (paid quarterly)
BT Telephone: £25 (approx)
Broadband: £25.75
Sky Digital: £44.58
Sentanta: £14.99
Council Gym: £28.50
Pet Plan (new policy BSH cat): £10.13
Life Assurance: £9.87 (covered for 25k in case I die mum can pay off debts with it)
o2 Mobile Phone: £35
Entertainment: £120 - basically OH going to pub every week
Food and Drink: NO IDEA, but far too much. Must Budget.

Total not including food/drink: £1302.82 This doesnt include my business costs and also my minimum payments to my CCs or debt.

Web Server: $190 a month
Domain names: variable
National Insurance: Approx £11 a month

Paying off affiliate marketing debt: £200 a month
Minimum credit card payments: £140 a month approx

I *think* that's all my outgoings. I have already cancelled my weight watchers subscription and my blockbuster DVD rental. I know I could cancel sentanta and downgrade my sky TV but boyfriend is trying to run a horse racing tips website to try and build an income so he uses the sports all the time. I am going to cancel the council gym membership although VERY reluctantly.

kelie · 18 March 2009 at 1:51AM

Ooh just to add, I have asked my ex if I can take the 6 month payment break from the mortgage to help me build my life back together. He hasn't answered yet, but I am hoping it is looking promising (he didn't say no straight away which I expected him to!!)

Useless_with_wonga · 18 March 2009 at 2:20AM

I don't understand why you are supporting your Boyfriend. He does not seem to contribute a great deal if anything at all. You can't afford for him to be tipping your money(mums money) down his neck in the pub. If you think he needs AA then thats even more reason not to fund him in his drinking and gambling.
Seems to me he's taking you for a ride. Free board and lodge, Sky TV and beer/gambling tokens without having to lift a finger to earn any of it. If his NI contributions have been low for 2 years and he doesn't qualify for JSA that just means he hasn't worked enough to have contributed enough to qualify look like a familiar pattern?The gambling website thing sounds like pie in the sky to me it ain't going to work.He needs to get out the pub and get a job. You aren't the social services and both you and he need to realise that if you are going to get anywhere with this debt issue.
If i were you he'd be out the door pronto but still i appreciate that you say you love him and that always counts but don't be blinded by it.
Sorry if it sounds harsh but just a strangers/outsiders opinion no offence intended

cocalls · 18 March 2009 at 7:01AM

I too second the post re your boyfriend im presuming he's been unemployed for a yr because he cant find a job in the field he wants or is qualified in, well now its time to get tough, he needs to get a job doing anything! macdonalds subway anything you can't afford to support him anymore.

Other than that on your SOA these things stand out as v high reduce or get rid!
BT Telephone: £25 (approx)
Broadband: £25.75
Sky Digital: £44.58
Sentanta: £14.99
o2 Mobile Phone: £35

good luck on your journey

kelie · 18 March 2009 at 9:59PM

Thanks guys, I understand what you are saying about the boyfriend. I am trying so hard to get him to get "any" job. I even suggested he signs up as an avon rep under me so that i get to my sales leadership faster. I have come up with so many ideas and its all dismissed really quickly by him.

I could reduce my sky TV if I lower the plan, although i can't cancel it as I am not past the 12 months. My o2 contract is only a couple of months old, it's an 18 month contract. If I got rid of the OH I could cancel sentanta as well as I don't watch any sport. I'm also stuck with BT on a 18 month contract for both phone and broadband

Anyway, today has been really awful. I had to do a bunch of things to do with dads funeral and what I wanted to be a NSD turned into a nightmare.

I started today with great intentions as I was planning on going back to the shopping centre to take back a Wii Controller I bought on the weekend. I figured £34 would be better back on my card as it was a silly thoughtless purchase and I didn't need it to play multi player Trivial Support anyway. I didn't think the controller actually worked because my boyfriend decided to try and charge it on "non rechargable" batteries. I didn't realise you had to press sync buttons on things!
So I got up, and went with mum to the shopping centre. We had an alterior motive as we needed to get a music CD of dad's favourite Bette Midler song to play at his funeral. My mum paid for that though. I went back to Game and explained I thought my controller was faulty but I didn't want it anyway. They said it wasn't faulty and that because it had been opened they can't resell it so all they could do was offer me the resale price of £15. So after spending £34 on Saturday they wanted to give me less than half. As you can imagine I walked out of there in discust and swiftly moved onto the next store.
I was very proud of myself as I didn't spend any money until I got to the Marks and Spencer food hall. I tried to walk with tunnel vision in all the clothes shops so I didn't spend anything. My mum was a gem and offered to buy me some new pyjamas which I spotted though so I didn't come out empty handed. On the way home, the red light came on my dad's car (which I have been given to drive) and I looked in horror thinking I can't afford petrol!!! Mum must have read my mind as she told me to pull into the petrol station and put £30 of petrol in the car. I hate relying on her though, she hasn't got much money either.
In Marks and Spencer I spent £11 approx on food for the next 2 days. I then had to pop in a florist to get 3 cards to put on the funeral flowers. £1.50 for three of them for me, my sister and niece. They were a necessity though.
I re-wrote my dad's uleogy for his funeral with my sister and came home. My avon rep order had been delivered so I bagged up the 5 orders I had, and I went out delivering them collecting the cash. When I got back I had to pop to tesco to get some milk, but ended up spending another £15 or so on things and also £5.99 in homebase on a baking tray.
Really bad day. And the boyfriend has got 4 cans of guiness here too and £10 deposited into his betting account. So much for not drinking

I need to seriously rethink this, no matter how much I do love him he is making things twice as bad. To be fair if he had a job, full time, it would take the pressure off me.

mrscmr · 18 March 2009 at 10:27PM

Kellie

i have read through ur posts tonight and really feel for you. you dont sound very old and you have so much to worry about and now you have lost ur dad. do you have anyone who you can talk to about what is going on? sorry to say the bf situation is not really looking so good. surely he can see that you put a roof over his head and keep him going with ur pocket money for gambling/beer etc. its like he is ur kid and you give him pocket money for treats. he needs to be a man and support you and work together on this. is there anywhere you can get some free advice? CAB? i really dont know but sounds to me you need to have some help. i think if you have any luxuries like sentana then cancel them. the gambling has to stop too.
hugs though .. cos you need them..
mrscmr

kelie · 19 March 2009 at 1:38AM

Thank you, I really do feel like i need hugs at the moment. To be honest I can't work out if he is using me for sure or if he is using me and doesn't realise it because sometimes I genuinely think he does love me. But then part of me thinks that if he did love me he would get off his !!! and help me. I'm not a golddigger but it would be nice to be looked after financially, or even equal.

I fell in love with him after a couple of months. He was perfect, very kind hearted, loving and had that instant connection I didn't have with previous partners. Unfortunately after 4 months i found a few of his habits. I thought the regular drinking was normal as I have never really been a drinker. I started to join in thinking I had missed out on that part of my life then quickly realised it wasn't normal and stopped. His gambling started in the spring/summer but before then I think he was doing it from his parents home. He had a job when I met him, i think he has changed jobs loads of times, doesn't seem to have sticking power.

I am 27 years old. Probably behave young for my age as I was sheltered really. Bullied a lot in school then turned into a swan (or so I am told, albeit a chubby one!) I think that my OH is very lucky to have me, but he doesn't seem to appreciate it.

kelie · 19 March 2009 at 1:41AM

i have read through ur posts tonight and really feel for you. you dont sound very old and you have so much to worry about and now you have lost ur dad. do you have anyone who you can talk to about what is going on?

Sorry I missed that bit. My elder half sister who is 45 knows everything that is going on and I recently explained to her how much in debt I am. But to be honest I didn't want to put on her because of Dad, as she has lost both her parents now. She is very fortunate money wise I am too stubborn to ask for help from her as it is almost like I have failed.

chevalier · 19 March 2009 at 3:37AM

THIS GUY IS A BLOOD SUCKING SPONGER GET RID

Sorry but if he loves you then kicking him out will be the shove he needs to get help to sort himself out with his addictions, and with a job. If he just goes home to his parents and bleats to come back but doesn't change his behaviour then he IS just using you.

Sorry
chev

Useless_with_wonga · 19 March 2009 at 3:39AM

Didn't realise you lost your dad so recently i'm so sorry for your loss. I did not mean to be harsh in my initial reply it's just that you seem a nice genuine person and reading between the lines i think this boyfriend you have is taking the pee big time.
There are lots of fish in the sea and sounds to me like you could do a whole lot better than some dosser who spends all your money. Won't work etc etc
You are right it isn't normal to be getting hammered all the time especially not with your money.
Bin everything thats not essential like Sky, Setanta and that O2 contract.
If your boyfriend loves you there will be no issue as he'll want to help in anyway possible. If he throws a tantrum you have seriously got to ask yourself does he want you or does he want the cushy life that you are providing for him.
I'm really sorry but it just makes me so cross to see nice people being taken advantage of and in my honest opinion that's what appears to be happening.

I'm back (VERY SCARED) debt free diary

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