Overwhelmed and ashamed

dprovan · 18 December 2016 at 9:50PM

Thank you EssexHebridean, Scott_Weiland and Cheeseface.

Had a lovely night last night and today. It ws my dd 16th birthday today. We had twenty 16 year olds at house party last night and took my dd her boyfriend and ds x 2 out for lunch today. We knew this was an expense we would just have to take on the chin! Ended up at a £62 bill which was sore given our new budget but on the bright side its not every day your daughter is 16! My dw said after that is nearly a weeks food money for us. As nice as it was we agreed any food treats will be take away in future and more strategic when we can get BOGOF. To balance this we had ordered a bouncy castle as a surprise for the party last night (our old thinking of spend spend) which was £75 and we cancelled it midweek... No one missed it and everyone had a great time......

Encouragingly outside of the birthday lunch I have only send £1 across three days and that was a coffee. We paid window cleaner £10 (comes once a month) and bought some groceries at £9. So this £75 a week for food and £175 for living expenses certainly looks like it has mileage to go some way and allow us to build up a decent emergency fund.

On the savings front I reviewed the mobiles x3. We are paying £74 in total. One is tied until March (£23) when we will change. One was £22 and we have had this changed to £8.90 a savings of £13.10 and this gives much better data. The third one is tied until the end of this year. But already we have saved £13 here and will save another £10 by March.

Next on my radar is sky.

My dw has also decided to do the £1 a day for Christmas 17. Planning early and committing to a new way of doing things!

I hope everyone else is doing well....

lashie · 18 December 2016 at 10:49PM

Just a quick suggestion about the window cleaner - can you push them to every 6 weeks rather than once a month? I did this and hardly notice the difference. It means you will pay for 8 cleans a year rather then 12. Just a thought........

dprovan · 18 December 2016 at 10:57PM

Thanks lashie, great idea!

Scott_Weiland_2 · 19 December 2016 at 1:08AM

dprovan wrote: »

Thank you EssexHebridean, Scott_Weiland and Cheeseface.

Had a lovely night last night and today. It ws my dd 16th birthday today. We had twenty 16 year olds at house party last night and took my dd her boyfriend and ds x 2 out for lunch today. We knew this was an expense we would just have to take on the chin! Ended up at a £62 bill which was sore given our new budget but on the bright side its not every day your daughter is 16! My dw said after that is nearly a weeks food money for us. As nice as it was we agreed any food treats will be take away in future and more strategic when we can get BOGOF. To balance this we had ordered a bouncy castle as a surprise for the party last night (our old thinking of spend spend) which was £75 and we cancelled it midweek... No one missed it and everyone had a great time......

Encouragingly outside of the birthday lunch I have only send £1 across three days and that was a coffee. We paid window cleaner £10 (comes once a month) and bought some groceries at £9. So this £75 a week for food and £175 for living expenses certainly looks like it has mileage to go some way and allow us to build up a decent emergency fund.

On the savings front I reviewed the mobiles x3. We are paying £74 in total. One is tied until March (£23) when we will change. One was £22 and we have had this changed to £8.90 a savings of £13.10 and this gives much better data. The third one is tied until the end of this year. But already we have saved £13 here and will save another £10 by March.

Next on my radar is sky.

My dw has also decided to do the £1 a day for Christmas 17. Planning early and committing to a new way of doing things!

I hope everyone else is doing well....

re mobiles two words

Sim Only

Cheeseface · 19 December 2016 at 8:25AM

Sounds like a great weekend. Happy birthday to your daughter.

It's great that your wife is on board. One of the biggest hurdles is trying to achieve but not having the support. Well done on your savings so far. I have my window cleaner come on alternate months.

austonic · 19 December 2016 at 9:50AM

I was in pretty much the same place for a long time. I had a high income and very high debts (more than you). Only recently did I finally get clear of debt.

You have already received a lot of great advice and no doubt will get a lot more help and support. I have only a couple of points to share for now.

My kids, two daughters, are now grown up and living in their own (rented) places with their partners in London and both have good jobs. They are nothing like me and are both very good with money. This is partly because when my wife and I finally took control of our finances, we completely opened up to the kids and got their help. This was embarrassing to me at first but worked out positively very quickly.

Our minds have difficulty handling "no" and my reaction to denying myself after years of reckless spending is to splash out to make myself feel better.

Switching to a positive approach and spending on things we genuinely need (applying MoSCoW - Must have, Should have, Could have, Would like to have) ruthlessly but also focusing on some rewards (for positive behaviour), things to look forward to that we saved for became key to us all.

Even arranging for all of us in the family to prepare a special meal together that we'd booked in advance, planned and bought a few treats for was something to look forward to. (We taught our kids to cook from scratch before they reached their teenage years and as university students, they ate far better and more cheaply than most of their peers).

Kantankrus_Mare · 19 December 2016 at 10:47AM

Have subscribed and will be watching your progress!! Wish you well.

The key to cutting that £700 treat budget is to decide what gives you most pleasure and allow the spends for that but try to throw the rest at the credit cards.

Cutting everything seems the logical step but working towards being debt free over a long period of time can be wearing so the odd treat is a must for morale.

I personally would rather cut out the coffees and snacks in cafes etc and go for a nice meal every so often.

EssexHebridean · 19 December 2016 at 11:04AM

Scott_Weiland wrote: »

re mobiles two words

Sim Only

The SIM only deal from PlusNet that was mentioned in the weekly email the other week is an excellent one, and useful as a bargaining tool with a current provider, also.

Smodlet · 19 December 2016 at 11:57AM

Hi. I'm always late to the party, me and, as usual, all the excellent advice has been given (hi again, EH

)

I just wanted to chime in to say, "Does it not feel great when you begin to take control?" If you read your thread back, all not quite two pages of it, you will see, I hope, how much more positive you sound already. I do.

It is a huge plus that your DW is on board... you could, if you wish, check out purpleposting4's thread about her being debt free but her partner anything but. I found her journey inspirational. You do not face the hurdles she overcame as you have the support of your significant other.

Gaining control of your spending and getting out of debt does not have to be all self-denial and misery. Next time there is a birthday in the family, how about the rest of you get together and prepare a special meal, rather than going out? It would mean more than just money as the food would be cooked with love. If the weather is good and you want to party, you could consider a bbq and ask your guests to bring food as well as a bottle. If they are real friends, they will not mind in the slightest and, if not, why would you want them there? There are plenty of fun things you can do together that cost little, if any money, ideas for which are all over this forum. As has been said, you have done the hardest part. Now you just need to stay on track.

Teaching yourself another way of thinking is one of the best things you can do for yourself; teaching your children to be responsible with money and how to avoid ever digging that hole in the first place is probably the best thing you will ever do for them: Is making them feel safe not a great part of making them feel loved? Your being worried and stressed all the time will not make them feel safe. Your being proactive and positive, taking control of your (and their) destiny, will.

Apologies for going on and on; I will leave you with this thought, though: At 16, are you not way too cool for bouncy castles?

Best of luck and believe you can do this.

dprovan · 20 December 2016 at 6:54PM

Third time lucky! I posted twice last night and both times it deleted..

Smodlet: Thank you. It does feel great to take control. Very importantly I have now sorted all the ccs and am clear what deals we have on which and when they end. I even found one we have no balance on so important to get that closed so we have a better chance of getting new deals. We are still using the spending diary which will be great. So far all our main spends have been Christmas related so I am looking forward to January to get a sense of where our spending is. We had £175 for weekly expenses and my wife gave me £10 pocket money- I still haven't touched it

I know that wont be the norm but previously I wouldn't have thought twice about buying something nice for £20/£30 or popping into Tesco and spending that on treats. My DW has been great- equally determined that we need to turn this around but her initial reaction was more measured than mine as she realised this will be long term, so best to get organised and comfy for the ride....

Thanks EssexHebridean: That is the deal we used to negotiate new sim contract with EE from £24 to £9 and that was moving to 4x the data!!!

Hi Kantankrus Mare: I completely agree the £700 for monthly spends is key. If we can control and understand this it will go along way to us turning things around. This and any savings we can make elsewhere will be the pot we use for daily/weekly activities and for any treats etc. Before the cc was just used for treats, clothes, outings etc etc. That all needs to change and will be the biggest change to our behaviours. I cant remember the last time we saved for anything

Hi austonsmaydrydr: I find it reassuring to hear from other people who have been here and got through it. We have told the kids that as my wifes job has changed which means there will be less money which we have explained to them. Thankfully they are good kids and in truth ask for little. There will inevitably be times they ask for things but that's normal and I just need to model to them that we need to prioritise and save and make choices.... I agree that the treats are important. We all work too hard not to have the odd treat- I just need to get the balance right from everything to selected things....

Thanks again Cheeseface and Scott-Weiland. I am lucky that we are both together on this and sims definitely the only way for a long time.

It is funny how I am more sensitive and listening/recognising general conversations now and hearing how people are budgeting all the time and prioritising. I was speaking with a colleague today who was speaking about the pressures caused by the school asking for certain ingredients for a last minute project!! I would have missed that completely before...

I hope everyone is well and thank you again for all the support

Overwhelmed and ashamed

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