Sexless Marriage
Comments
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it's very sad if one person still wants a sex life and the other doesn't, and hard to see a workable compromise.
Strikes me that there doesn't seem to be any physical reason why the OP can't satisfy the majority of her husband's sexual needs in the same way as the services he is buying from the sex workers.0 -
OP I think it is fair to say you do not think sex is something that is particularly important in a marriage?0
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The OP said
soButterfly_Butterkins wrote: »He says i fulfill him 95% of the time
is possibly correct.Gloomendoom wrote: »Strikes me that there doesn't seem to be any physical reason why the OP can't satisfy the majority of her husband's sexual needs in the same way as the services he is buying from the sex workers.
I think there are multiple definitions of "intimacy" going on here... No intimacy would suggest no kissing, cuddling or anything. Now, it's not the OP's fault that her health problems may make sexual activity awkward/uncomfortable/painful - and mess up her libido and self-confidence as well and it may well be difficult to discuss with a partner and find new/alternative ways for both of them to enjoy each other. So it's not actively withholding intimacy.
As was said right at the top - if the OP is OK with it as a form of physical release - that's their business. If he'd felt able to discuss earlier, maybe they could have worked out a solution that didn't involve paying (this is MSE you know!) or agreed to accept that as a solution with no emotional ties i.e. better than an affair. Although - he might also have found it difficult to bring up the subject if all else is good in the relationship and thought he had a solution of "What BB doesn't know about, won't hurt her".
The question is: is he getting something else from the experience? Maybe even the thrill of transgression?
Hope you work it out...Wash your Knobs and Knockers... Keep the Postie safe!0 -
Fireflyaway wrote: »I'm shocked that a poster here said a lack of sex is abuse! Nonsense.
For the record I didn't agree with this either but when we had a topic on the new abuse laws a lack of sex was listed as a definition.0 -
I'm astonished you did not understand the effect on your partner of witholding physical intimacy in committed relationship without needing to be told by him. Visiting a SW wouldn't be my choice, I'm someone for whom emotional and physical intimacy go hand in hand so I would not purchase the services of a lady of negotiable affection, but I would equally feel terribly emotionally rejected and harmed by a partner who continually refused physical intimacy.Butterfly_Butterkins wrote: »I just wish he’d sat me down properly years ago to explain what was lacking in his life.
Have you never spoken in any depth about your continuing refusal to have sex? Ever considered the effect on your husband? Or spoken to your GP about your seeming total lack of desire?
Or, looking at this another way, is it possible you are asexual? You haven't written about your sex life before 8 years ago other than in the context of procreation. When you were sexually active, was it out of desire for your partner or as a necessary step in reproduction?Proud member of the wokerati, though I don't eat tofu.Home is where my books are.Solar PV 5.2kWp system, SE facing, >1% shading, installed March 2019.Mortgage free July 20230 -
I may be barking up the wrong tree here, but surely it’s just as much as the husband’s fault for not mentioning how he feels and not communicating properly BEFORE using the services of someone else.
And from what I can see, OP hasn’t indicated they are deliberately or consciously withholding it. It sounds like the situation has occurred due to a combination of different sets of unfortunate circumstances.
I agree that 7/8 years is a long time but most relationships go through ups and downs with everything, not just the physical stuff. My friend told me last year she hadn’t had sex with her husband for 5 years. He’s not bothered and she wouldn’t go elsewhere. It happens. I appreciate that OP’s husband can’t be ok with it all, but that’s no excuse for not communicating that to his wife.
OP, I don’t have any specific advice, but, as others say, if you’re ok with it then it shouldn’t matter what anyone else thinks.0 -
Several other posters have corrected you on this.
And others have agreed with me. Besides for it to be a correction they have to be right, which isn't necessarily the case. Withholding sex can be a form of abuse, that's a fact, the only debate here is if that's applicable in this case. We really don't have enough information to go on currently but it is clear her partner does still want a sexual relationship.
I struggle to believe they haven't discussed this at all during the 8 years so until she comes back with more info we'll just be in the dark.0 -
This discussion has been closed.
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