Can a relationship work without chemistry?

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  • System
    System Posts: 178,093 Community Admin
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    A relationship can have chemistry and still fail.
  • hazyjo
    hazyjo Posts: 15,470 Forumite
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    You want it to work because you obviously like being in a relationship and she's nice. I don't think that's enough.


    I only think 'companionship' relationships work if people are in their 'senior years' and looking for someone to share life with so they're not lonely, or if they don't go out much and are unlikely to meet someone who they do have chemistry with.

    I have married with no chemistry, but love. He actually cheated on me! (I always thought it would be me if anyone.)

    My friend is married and hasn't had sex with her husband for prob around 10 years. It's like she just needs him as a dad to their kids, a shoulder to lean on, and for support at home. I don't think the relationship/sexual side of it has entered her head for years. She'll prob have a mid-life crisis when her kids grow up and run off with the postman :o

    Each to their own I suppose...
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  • haras_nosirrah
    haras_nosirrah Posts: 2,208 Forumite
    you have to be honest with her - she may well decide she wants more than living with a best friend and go but it would not be fair to string her along
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  • itsanne
    itsanne Posts: 4,992 Forumite
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    The difference between an arranged relationship (so no initial spark) and the one described in the OP is that there was a spark. Losing that, no longer wanting to sleep with her, within six months does not seem to me to bode well for the future. If you were years into the relationship I would be advising trying to rekindle the spark, but I'm not sure how feasible that is after only six months.

    Ultimately, it probably depends on how comfortable you both are with little chemistry for years ahead. The importance of sex varies from person to person and as long as you both feel the same it needn't be a problem - but one of you finding it an unsatisfying experience would mean the likely breakdown of the relationship.
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  • Gloomendoom
    Gloomendoom Posts: 16,550 Forumite
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    hazyjo wrote: »
    I don't think the relationship/sexual side of it has entered her head for years.

    What about his?
    She'll prob have a mid-life crisis when her kids grow up and run off with the postman :o

    Why would they run off with the postman?
  • mark5
    mark5 Posts: 1,363 Forumite
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    No, it will cause issues in the future.
  • cheeky-peach
    cheeky-peach Posts: 327 Forumite
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    I didn't even realise this was a thing until I met someone who ignited a secret fire inside me and I was devastated to realise that I'd never had this with my (now ex) husband.


    I personally think it's very important!
  • System
    System Posts: 178,093 Community Admin
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    cheeky-peach wrote: »
    I didn't even realise this was a thing until I met someone who ignited a secret fire inside me and I was devastated to realise that I'd never had this with my (now ex) husband.


    I personally think it's very important!

    Well its a good starting point. Something to work on.
  • DevilsAdvocate1
    DevilsAdvocate1 Posts: 1,901 Forumite
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    edited 29 November 2017 at 12:42PM
    I've had relationships with plenty chemistry which massively failed because our personalities didn't work.

    With my husband, there wasn't a massive spark but we just fit so well. I wouldn't want anyone else. I've occasionally felt a strong spark with someone else, but I wouldn't stray as I love my husband. He makes me feel safe and secure. And we laugh together alot. I just wouldn't want to risk that for anything.

    So it definitely can work, but you have to want it to work.

    I have to say though, I had one boyfriend where I knew that I couldn't sleep with him. He was great to be around, but I just couldn't bring myself to take it to that level. So we split up. In your situation where you talk about not wanting to sleep with her at all then perhaps its not going to work.
  • Gloomendoom
    Gloomendoom Posts: 16,550 Forumite
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    Isn't this "spark" just another word for good, old-fashioned, lust?
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