How much financial support do you give your parents ?

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  • paddy's_mum
    paddy's_mum Posts: 3,977 Forumite
    I've been Money Tipped!
    They chose to fritter their money. What makes you think that they won't fritter yours?

    They chose not to think about their future. What makes you think that they will think about yours?
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 34,680 Forumite
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    I'm a little confused why the OP's parents have found themselves in this (of their own making) situation in their seventies.
    The Father would have got his state pension at age 65 and his wife at age 60 if she'd qualified for a state pension in her own right.
    Personally, if my parents had behaved in such a profligate manner, I wouldn't be jeopardising my own future.
    I would be giving advice and assistance on the best way forward for them, including what benefits are available to them and helping them to complete application forms - and that would include telling them that the time for pride is long gone.
  • pickledonionspaceraider
    pickledonionspaceraider Posts: 2,698 Forumite
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    edited 19 February 2019 at 8:38PM
    My parents are similar to yours OP. In the sense they have paid tax all their lives and never claimed , they are pensioners, - and I also have siblings who are not able to help at all

    However, they *my parents* are not daft - when something is pointed out to them, they will apply for it.,,,but I do have to force the point that they have worked hard all their lives etc... I found out about the Winter Fuel Payment on here the MSU site, and my parents applied and got it. It is their right, they have paid in a lot over their decades of working - same as your parents, OP

    Every now and again I will help out best I can, but its not a fortune or a regular expected thing. But they won't accept it unless I blag it

    I have had some kind of win, or a bonus - thats what I end up telling them. It is a white lie.

    There is no way they would accept cash otherwise as they are more worried about my future than their own

    I would speak to them about benefits, and sit down with them and fill out any forms for them if necessary. Fill them out and get your parents to sign it. Tell them they arent benefits at that age, its what they DESERVE...and guide them through it if neccesary
    With love, POSR <3
  • skint_chick
    skint_chick Posts: 872 Forumite
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    Did they suggest it or did you just think 'well they've got no money so I have to help'

    Do not put your own future in jeopardy for your parents - even if they suggest they will leave you their house etc, because for all you know one of them could remarry/gamble it all away/need it for a nursing home.

    What you could do is let them know where the nearest CAB office is, suggest they contact Age UK for advice of where to go for help, or offer to help them fill in any forms online if they're not good with paperwork.

    I know it's hard not to want to step in because they've brought you up, but giving them money will not teach them anything about how to budget or have a lifestyle that matches their income. Then it will be a long term expectation, rather than a choice for you. You can always treat them to a meal out or day trip, but handing over money each month just doesn't seem like the way for them to resolve the issue.
    "I cannot make my days longer so I strive to make them better." Paul Theroux
  • pickledonionspaceraider
    pickledonionspaceraider Posts: 2,698 Forumite
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    edited 19 February 2019 at 9:05PM
    skint_chick wrote: »
    giving them money will not teach them anything about how to budget.

    I get where you are coming from with most of your post Skint Chick, other than this bit - these aren't teenagers / young adults that need teaching a lesson on money management - financial attitudes are going to be well en-grained by now and they have managed to get through seven decades/ housed themselves / brought up kids, whilst having these same attitudes.

    It is a hard one, and I don't know all the answers.

    I think being in your 40s-50s is a very difficult time. Not only are we trying to help adult kids to get on, we are also dealing with ageing parents. It is very difficult

    I thought my 40s would be the time of my life and envisaged cocktails on cruises, how wrong was i
    With love, POSR <3
  • paddy's_mum
    paddy's_mum Posts: 3,977 Forumite
    I've been Money Tipped!
    pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »
    no way they would accept cash ... as they are more worried about my future than their own

    That's how most parents feel. Love and protectiveness doesn't end because son reaches 50 or parents reach 80 ....
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,557 Forumite
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    BBH123 wrote: »
    For years it seems they have lived for the moment and enjoyed life and have never put money aside preferring holidays, cars etc but now in mid seventies the chickens are coming home to roost.
    pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »
    I get where you are coming from with most of your post Skint Chick, other than this bit - these aren't teenagers / young adults that need teaching a lesson on money management - financial attitudes are going to be well en-grained by now and they have managed to get through seven decades/ housed themselves / brought up kids, whilst having these same attitudes.

    I disagree - it sounds as if they do need to be shown how to live within their means!

    They have got into their 70s without thinking about their future and now don't have enough money to pay for day-to-day expenses - time for an SOA, reducing any unnecessary outgoings and a claim for any benefits they are entitled to.
  • theoretica
    theoretica Posts: 12,302 Forumite
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    What benefits/support are they eligible for? Then can you help with some imaginative renaming to remove the word 'benefit' and replace it with any they will be more comfortable with?
    But a banker, engaged at enormous expense,
    Had the whole of their cash in his care.
    Lewis Carroll
  • pickledonionspaceraider
    pickledonionspaceraider Posts: 2,698 Forumite
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    Mojisola wrote: »
    I disagree - it sounds as if they do need to be shown how to live within their means!

    They have got into their 70s without thinking about their future and now don't have enough money to pay for day-to-day expenses - time for an SOA, reducing any unnecessary outgoings and a claim for any benefits they are entitled to.

    Indeed, they do perhaps need a lesson, my point was rather :- is it too late to change such en-grained life long attitudes - will the lesson be fruitful?

    When someone is in their mid 70s, can a new way of budgeting be taught? It is an interesting thought, and questions I have no answer to, I am just raising them as thoughts

    Maybe things are not so bad as struggling for day to day living costs as such, as it doesn't sound like they have actually asked for help
    With love, POSR <3
  • JIL
    JIL Posts: 8,690 Forumite
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    They must have retirement pensions? They really need to see if they qualify for pension credit, it all comes out of the same pot. Surely that's the next step.
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