MONEY MORAL DILEMMA: Should Grant and Tiffany charge for their wedding?

Weez · 4 July 2007 at 8:56PM

thefunkygibbon wrote: »

i think most people that have replied "against" the whole thing have misunderstood the whole situation.

Err, no I haven't. I have replied 'against' the whole thing not because I begrudge giving my friends or family a wedding present, but because I object to being told that I will give them a present. There is a distinct difference.

If I am invited to a wedding then I will usually bring a present, however, it is not obligatory and the 'happy couple' should never expect gifts, but be grateful for anything they are given. Guests should be invited because the 'happy couple' wish them there to witness their marriage, not because they will get presents from them.

By putting those awful gift cards advertising wedding lists or those hideous poems in with the invitation, the 'happy couple' are indicating that they expect a present. Which, in my opinion (humble as it may be!), is rude. Stating in the invitation that the 'happy couple' don't want presents and would prefer cash, whether it's for the honeymoon, for doing up their house or for any other reason, is also rude.

janbanan · 4 July 2007 at 9:29PM

No way - it's rude! How far can you go... I wouldn't even bother responding.

I find gift lists rude too.

Biker62 · 4 July 2007 at 10:08PM

We recently got married and budgeted for the wedding. Instead of asking for money we suggested holiday vouchers from a certain travel agent so we could pool them all together for a big holiday abroad!

anna140274 · 5 July 2007 at 9:24AM

I recently went to the wedding of a friend who was in the same situation. On the invitation they requested that guests contribute to the cost of the photographers and gave details of their bank account to make payments to.

roseygrech · 5 July 2007 at 10:00AM

I think it's a nerve - why can't they save up for it like the rest of us had to, they've bought everything else? . It's their celebration not the guests'.

They may find guests a little thin on the ground I should think.

Cerro · 5 July 2007 at 10:08AM

This is a very cultural thing - you would be amazed just how different they can be!

But anyway... I wouldn't be keen on being asked to pay for the wedding, that would be slightly tongue in cheek asking for that. I think you should just say "please, no gifts - we just want you to enjoy our day with us". The people you invite will then either automatically give you money/vouchers or ask you what you are looking for instead.

fleagle21 · 5 July 2007 at 10:51AM

I think that too much empahsis is placed on the cost of a wedding. The whole 'keeping up with the joneses' thing. My wedding cost around £600, including the rings - my mum bought my flowers and my nan did the reception in the house I grew up in, a lovely family occasion with the ones we love, not the random second cousins twice removed that we've never even met! And we are happily married, our sixth anniversary in november - and have long outlasted most of the couples that paid thousands for their weddings. Still, that said - whatever makes you happy, but it really shouldnt be expected to have others pay for actually attending your wedding, thats just plain cheeky!!

full-time-mum · 5 July 2007 at 11:04AM

Why not just say that they are getting married and are on a bit of a budget so aren't planning a flash do but would still like to share their day so are doing a buffet at home/in a local village hall.

We don't require a present just your presence but any help with the catering/decoration would really be appreciated.

Perhaps they have a friend who would DJ etc....

tykesaver · 5 July 2007 at 11:53AM

We're getting married this year and very fortunately are being helped by parents. However, I feel very strongly that your wedding is about spending time with people rather than spending money on stuff. We don't need pressies either so we're asking for voluntary donations to a honeymoon fund.
I would have been more than happy to have all my firneds and family down at the local hall or reception room. Theyare more important than fancu favours etc....
I could rant about this all day!..but I won't.

My first post!

wildchild · 5 July 2007 at 12:28PM

We have to get away from this silly idea of a wedding as a big show-off and back to what it really is - a celebration of the couple getting together and (in theory) spending the rest of their lives together. Contrary to popular belief, gifts are optional and to be decided on by the giver, not the receiver. OK, if you know they'd like something in particular (hence the gift list held at certain stores, with a wide variety of prices if done correctly), then so much the better, but the couple shouldn't expect anything and anything they do get they should accept with gratitude (and sell on ebay later if necessary!).

If the celebration is too big, scale down - as with everything else in life, if you can't afford it either don't do it or find another way!

MONEY MORAL DILEMMA: Should Grant and Tiffany charge for their wedding?

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