Reformed shopaholic? please can you give me the benefit of your advice

roger196 · 2 February 2010 at 2:55PM

If you want some basic psychology of why people are spendaholics read "Games people play" by Eric Berne. It is a bit old, my copy was 65p new!
Like alcoholism, people are only "cured" if they want to be cured and it is a lifelong problem which has to be faced and overcome every day.

lisainglasgow · 2 February 2010 at 2:57PM

Having a hobby helps! I used to love shopping, and I still enjoy it, but now I make jewellery and fascinators and when I go into shops I tend to just look at the jewellery and headpieces they have in to compare it to my stuff and to get ideas! I am also a member of the £100 clothing challenge which I am doing with 3 other girls.
I would recommend a hobby, you could take up dress making, or even a dance class. You may say 'ohh, it's too expensive' but I am sure it would work out cheaper than hitting the shops every lunchtime!

NGlady · 2 February 2010 at 3:05PM

Something i've noticed I used to do is. I would look at something and think oh its £60 better not spend that much, but then I would walk round the shops for hours, spending more than the £60 but justify to myself it is ok as i've got "lots and lots" for my money which I wont ever wear.
When I manage to crack my shopping addiction I think I will just buy investment peices.
Somebody suggested to me once as I have such an addiction. When im out and I feel that over powering urge to have a splurge, buy a pair of socks. It costs £1 but your mind is satisfied you've had a shop.

Treacly · 2 February 2010 at 4:27PM

I have distinct shopaholic tendencies and a useful trick I've used over the years is to learn to distinguish between liking something, and wanting to possess it. I really notice now when I go shopping with mum, that every time I point at something and say 'I like that', her first response is 'would you like me to buy it for you?' (you can see where I get it from!). But just because I LIKE something, doesn't mean I want to OWN it - they're two entirely different things. And now sometimes I get a buzz out of how little I need to buy. Remembering that 90% of my craving is engineered by marketers and advertisers helps too I find. I've not got it totally sussed by a long way - I'm perfectly capable of buying two dresses and a handbag in a 30 minute lunch break and then spending all afternoon feeling sick - but I'm working on it.

debtdesperado · 2 February 2010 at 4:51PM

I agree with NGlady... I used to spend so much on 'little' treats (basically premium makeup and skincare)... I did the 'use everything up' challenge in 2007 and didn't need to buy anything until November (and then it was just shampoo, which was always normally too boring for me to think of buying :-). At the start I did a rough total and just in relation to hair conditioners of various kinds I had nearly £80 worth of bottles of conditioner... typing that now, I'm horrified!

The other habit I had was to buy clothes only in the sales... I didn't have a plan, so would go round the shops and overspend thinking I'd got loads of 'bargains'... let's just say when I cleared out my wardrobe I was able to sell most things brand new with the tags on ebay, and I raised nearly £1000... and most of it was really cheap stuff, not designer so only got a few pounds for each item, but it mounted up!

I have learnt the following:

1. I get bored of a product if I buy it on 3 for 2 and then 2 bottles normally languish in a drawer - now I buy one at a time, and when it runs out and has been completely used up, I buy a different one.

2. I plan what I want in the sales, and only buy that. I only let myself impulse buy full price things - generally I'm still too tight :-D to pay full price, so I don't.

3. If I buy something, it has to be worn within 7 days of getting it home. If I don't wear it within a week, I never will, so it goes back to the shop. Generally because I plan my purchases I don't have this, but old habits die hard, and there have been occasions where old habits die hard and I have come home with sparkly party dresses in January...so I take it back.

4. I always force myself to ask one of the assistants before I take it to the till 'if it's not right, can I return it and get my money back?' ... I can't be bothered to faff with credit notes, so if they say no, credit note only, that generally puts me off unless I am sure about the item.

5. I don't let myself stockpile things...this was my worst habit. It's a comfort thing, I think, but to reassure myself, I run through all the different places I could buy that item if I wanted to.

6. I don't walk round the shops aimlessly any more...:-)

7. The more stuff you get rid of (sell, charity shop or bin) the better you feel, and the less stuff you actually want to bring into your home. Selling clothes also shows you that nothing is an investment, even brand new designer stuff only goes for a quarter of what it costs... the value is in USING it, not just 'having' it.

8. I keep in mind the goal that I have to use EVERYTHING - if I use something and it wears out or gets used up, I can enjoy selecting another replacement.

It's hard! I lapse ocassionally, but I don't worry about it too much. Sometimes I waste money, but I tell myself that is a learning experience and that at least now I recognise when I'm wasting money...

ninky_2 · 2 February 2010 at 5:00PM

there are some more good tips and a demotivator on the MSE site here http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/family/stop-spending-budgeting-tool

good luck. i think shopping addiction is a bit like binge drinking in this country. many don't realise they have a problem because so many others have it too. at least you have recognised it now. i bet you are on the road to recovery in no time!

NGlady · 2 February 2010 at 5:16PM

Yes I try and do the 7 day rule, if i havnt worn it by after two weekends of owning it, im never going to wear it. I like the feeling when im going somewhere special to be able to go out and buy something rather than trying to find something in my own wardrobe. So I try the buy as I need theory :S

I love shopping with my mum. She always manages to stop me buying anything lol.

salesaddict · 2 February 2010 at 7:42PM

Hi all,

I posted this last night and I have not had a chance to look again until now and I am absolutely overwhelmed and delighted by all the very real practical help and suggestions. But also, I feel so much better knowing that I am not alone and others have definitely felt the same as me and yet have beaten it, or at least have it under control for most of the time.
I will post more again later and thankyou all again for your time and help

NGlady · 2 February 2010 at 9:05PM

To be honest Salesaddict i'm glad you did post this thread - I have got a lot from it too, as I think I was in a similar boat.
So big thumbs up

La_escocesa · 2 February 2010 at 9:31PM

Hi everyone,

Wow, thanks for all the great tips!

I created an Amazon wish list. I fill it with things that a few years ago I would've bought without thinking - just a paperback book, just a CD/DVD etc. Now I write things down that I've seen and would like, put them on my Amazon wish list, and as if by magic, my MIL buys me everything on it come Christmas! There's usually things I've forgotten I wanted too so always nice surprises.

I also got myself a Friday night hobby. Like Lisainglasgow says, it definitely saves you money in the long run. Friday was always the day I'd go to the pub after work and spend money I didn't have. Now I do yoga on Friday nights and feel much better for it.

xx

Reformed shopaholic? please can you give me the benefit of your advice

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