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    • Mr motivator
    • By Mr motivator 29th Dec 18, 11:27 AM
    • 1Posts
    • 0Thanks
    Mr motivator
    Breakup and rights
    • #1
    • 29th Dec 18, 11:27 AM
    Breakup and rights 29th Dec 18 at 11:27 AM
    Writing on behalf of a friend who going through a marriage breakup.so here goes....his marriage is just under 10 years..3 kids 1 from previous on her side which he has always treated as his own
    Completely out the blue she has asked him to move out which he has done in order to give her space ???.After 3 months of living outside the family home and carry on as normal for the sake of the kids she has just told him she wants to sell the family home...he briefly contacted a solicitor after leaving the family home and advised him to move back home.he didn't do this as he thought this would rock the space she needed to think about things.clearly this is her next step possibly for divorce and she also refused mediation. He knows he will have to consult solicitors once more but here are the financial obligations and any advice will be read and acknowledged..mortgage is in both names but he is the main earner as she has raised the children.There are no 3rd parties involved in this breakup but the father of her first child has been seen in the family home on an occasion without his knowledge and without their child being present.A large financial inheritance input was put into the house from his side which is of some concern in regards to any 50-/50 split.She no doubt will be granted custody of the children .He quite clearly does not want to sell where as she has just told him she does. How should he play this to start with ???
Page 1
    • Working Mum
    • By Working Mum 2nd Jan 19, 3:34 PM
    • 401 Posts
    • 1,533 Thanks
    Working Mum
    • #2
    • 2nd Jan 19, 3:34 PM
    • #2
    • 2nd Jan 19, 3:34 PM
    He should consult a solicitor and get a plan together.

    Your friend should have a long hard think about what his short/medium and long terms goals are and he should work a plan to make these a reality.

    He should seek counselling for himself to help with the breakdown of his marriage.

    As a divorcee I would suggest he strives to treat the mother of his children with respect at all times (even when it is really difficult), grieve in private and spend his money supporting his children and getting his life together rather than engaging with pettiness from solicitors.

    My ex-husband was really nasty and I would get 15 page letters from his solicitor trying to goad me into a fight - his bills were in the tens of thousands of 's - I got divorced in under 8 hours invoiced work.

    Going through a divorce is brutal on the kids and he should do everything he can to move his life forward, he should pay for his children from now (even if it is the CSA minimum), he should see his children regularly, heal in a healthy way so his "future self" has no guilt bout the way he has behaved during the breakup of his marriage.
    • Comms69
    • By Comms69 2nd Jan 19, 5:31 PM
    • 7,913 Posts
    • 8,792 Thanks
    Comms69
    • #3
    • 2nd Jan 19, 5:31 PM
    • #3
    • 2nd Jan 19, 5:31 PM
    He should consult a solicitor and get a plan together.

    Your friend should have a long hard think about what his short/medium and long terms goals are and he should work a plan to make these a reality.

    He should seek counselling for himself to help with the breakdown of his marriage.

    As a divorcee I would suggest he strives to treat the mother of his children with respect at all times (even when it is really difficult), grieve in private and spend his money supporting his children and getting his life together rather than engaging with pettiness from solicitors.

    My ex-husband was really nasty and I would get 15 page letters from his solicitor trying to goad me into a fight - his bills were in the tens of thousands of 's - I got divorced in under 8 hours invoiced work.

    Going through a divorce is brutal on the kids and he should do everything he can to move his life forward, he should pay for his children from now (even if it is the CSA minimum), he should see his children regularly, heal in a healthy way so his "future self" has no guilt bout the way he has behaved during the breakup of his marriage.
    Originally posted by Working Mum
    My understanding is that none of the children are his by blood.


    Whether he chooses to support them is therefore entirely voluntary.


    He should do so if he intends to continue a relationship with them.


    As for the rest, I would now move back in. That will at the very least force a make or break moment. - ie there is no down side.
    • cheeky-peach
    • By cheeky-peach 3rd Jan 19, 10:39 AM
    • 82 Posts
    • 124 Thanks
    cheeky-peach
    • #4
    • 3rd Jan 19, 10:39 AM
    • #4
    • 3rd Jan 19, 10:39 AM
    It reads to me that there are 3 children in total, one from the wife's previous relationship?
    • Comms69
    • By Comms69 3rd Jan 19, 10:53 AM
    • 7,913 Posts
    • 8,792 Thanks
    Comms69
    • #5
    • 3rd Jan 19, 10:53 AM
    • #5
    • 3rd Jan 19, 10:53 AM
    It reads to me that there are 3 children in total, one from the wife's previous relationship?
    Originally posted by cheeky-peach


    After re-reading, you might well be right.


    Aside from paying for his own children, my point still stands.
    • andydownes123
    • By andydownes123 1st Mar 19, 11:29 AM
    • 581 Posts
    • 697 Thanks
    andydownes123
    • #6
    • 1st Mar 19, 11:29 AM
    • #6
    • 1st Mar 19, 11:29 AM
    Tell your friend to move back into the family home and try to spend as much time with his kids as possible. He also needs to get a shared custody agreement.
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