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    • MSE Kelvin
    • By MSE Kelvin 3rd Dec 19, 1:28 PM
    • 83Posts
    • 195Thanks
    MSE Kelvin
    Money Moral Dilemma: How much should I spend on presents for friends' children?
    • #1
    • 3rd Dec 19, 1:28 PM
    Money Moral Dilemma: How much should I spend on presents for friends' children? 3rd Dec 19 at 1:28 PM
    This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

    One of my close friends has four kids and another friend has two. I want to get them all Christmas presents, but should I spend the same amount on each child, eg, £10 each? Or should I spend a certain amount per family, eg, £30 split between each set of kids?

    Unfortunately the MSE team can't always answer money moral dilemma questions as contributions are often emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be enjoyed as a point of debate and discussed at face value.

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Page 2
    • Middlestitch
    • By Middlestitch 4th Dec 19, 6:42 PM
    • 1,352 Posts
    • 2,490 Thanks
    Middlestitch
    If you want to get them presents, that's entirely your choice. I'm baffled by the idea that there is some sort of 'dilemma' on the amount to spend. Buy each child something you think (preferably know) they will like, making sure you have an upper limit on your spend. The actual cost really isn't important provided you can afford it and stick to your original budget.
    • DigForVictory
    • By DigForVictory 4th Dec 19, 6:55 PM
    • 10,470 Posts
    • 36,982 Thanks
    DigForVictory
    Absolutely sock all.

    Have a quick leaf through this & invite them to join you for the free things.

    (I used to haul the lads along our road gawking at the Christmas decorations, and we'd then tuck a postcard through our most enjoyed house letter box, thanking them & saying how much we preferred it to the others.)

    Just do not open your wallet. Or purse. It goes on for decades & there gets to be a nasty sense of "well, if he gets then I ought" and very little by way of thank you letters.
    • guineapig
    • By guineapig 4th Dec 19, 9:52 PM
    • 271 Posts
    • 386 Thanks
    guineapig
    I have given neighbours kids birthday money/Christmas gift or money and little pressies from our holidays not to mention clothes/household stuff to their Mum and furniture over the last 15 years I have been doing this I have had about 3 or 4 thank you cards but NEVER EVER as much as the fluff from under their bed as a gift! It seems people perceive us as being well off ( not really, just good custodians who don't waste it!) That in turn means we are never given even a tiny token gift by way of a show of grattitude - ever! There is too much sense of entitlement and it sadly is almost always one-sided:-( Don't start something, you might later regret, easier to not ever start than to stop as it then seems "pointed".
    • happyinflorida
    • By happyinflorida 4th Dec 19, 10:05 PM
    • 787 Posts
    • 678 Thanks
    happyinflorida
    I'd spend the same amount on each child


    When my children were young, they appreciated money the most because they could choose what they wanted with the money given, so I'd put money in an envelope with a childs Christmas card
    • gloriouslyhappy
    • By gloriouslyhappy 5th Dec 19, 8:21 AM
    • 434 Posts
    • 878 Thanks
    gloriouslyhappy
    Six children now but possibly more later, when do you stop? At age 18 then a special present on their 21st? Gets very expensive and raises expectations. I'd fall in line with suggestions posted here to do free things, I like the neighbourhood lights tour with postcard award idea, and a mug of hot chocolate afterwards. Stop now! But if you really feel you must give something, how about a £20 cinema voucher then the whole family can select a movie, and the parents can top up as needed, or better yet, a tin of home made goodies.
    • gloriouslyhappy
    • By gloriouslyhappy 5th Dec 19, 8:28 AM
    • 434 Posts
    • 878 Thanks
    gloriouslyhappy
    I have given neighbours kids birthday money/Christmas gift or money and little pressies from our holidays not to mention clothes/household stuff to their Mum and furniture over the last 15 years I have been doing this I have had about 3 or 4 thank you cards but NEVER EVER as much as the fluff from under their bed as a gift! It seems people perceive us as being well off ( not really, just good custodians who don't waste it!) That in turn means we are never given even a tiny token gift by way of a show of grattitude - ever! There is too much sense of entitlement and it sadly is almost always one-sided:-( Don't start something, you might later regret, easier to not ever start than to stop as it then seems "pointed".
    Originally posted by guineapig
    Seems endless as well as thankless! How about starting to cut back this year, giving a card each to the children and a really small gift like a cello bag filled with sweets and chocs from Poundland, you could buy a fiver's worth of Santa shaped chocs and candy canes for example, and put a few in each bag, tie up with curly ribbon and attach to the card. Similar for birthdays, and stop the money and holiday souvenirs immediately. End of!
    • Lewie
    • By Lewie 6th Dec 19, 1:42 PM
    • 278 Posts
    • 64 Thanks
    Lewie
    Get out of this ridiculous habit of buying for friends kids.
    We now only buy for family children and not the adults.
    So less stressful, not only money wise but trying to think what to get.
    Same with birthdays.
    No more buting for adults for us.
    I suggested it just before my own birthday. Wouldn't have looked good if I announced it just after getting my gifts.
    Also, most presents aren't actually wanted.
    I have a unworn jumper hanging in my wardrobe after 4 years and have had ornamnets bought for me.
    I don't want more items gathering dust.
    Oh, and please don't take them to church instead as suggested by another poster.
    There's enough brainwashing going on in the world.
    • Loulouli74
    • By Loulouli74 10th Dec 19, 2:33 PM
    • 2 Posts
    • 0 Thanks
    Loulouli74
    Bahh humbug to some!
    I have bought for my best friend's children for 21 years, they are 21, 13, and 8, i have alot of young children in my family who i can't afford to buy for as there's so many, i asked her this year if i can just buy her a gift as her oldest is working and has her own place! She said not to worry, and i shouldn't have started 😊 i was so relieved, i am going to make biscuits for everyone i can't buy for, wrap them nicely and that's enough i feel x ♥ merry Christmas everyone
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