Adventures of the Boy & Me: Part 2..

Evening.

I've spent the past couple of days thinking about a lot of things and I've decided to have an emotional clear out.

I'm going to let go of many things in my life, some of which are important to me but ultimately I think it may be for the best.

I need to concentrate on myself and the boy's future. That's the most important thing, it's just me and him. If one day someone can be part of that then great, if not then that's okay too.

Me and the boy are fine as we are and we'll get through whatever life throws our way. We always do.

I think I may low for a little while. I've been blogging my thoughts and feelings elsewhere for some time now and one day I may look back and laugh. It's like my own personal diary that no one else but me can see. It's been my lifeline just lately.

So that's where we stand.

I'll be okay, I have to be. What other choice do I have? I'm trying to remain positive which sometimes can be hard.

Yesterday I spent most of the day sleeping or binge watching boxsets. I think it was much needed.

I was woken up early this morning and although at the time, I wasn't grateful for this, I am now.

I've spent the morning pottering about and have plans for the afternoon. I'm going to go put some petrol into the car and quickly nip into the shops. I should spend no more then £25 in total. £20 for petrol to see me through until the end of the month and £5 on bits at the shop.

I'm going to try and rein spends in for the rest of the month. All my budget pots are intact and I've not moved any from one to another.

I have £74.25 left in the entertainment fund account and £20 in cash in my purse. I also have £88.30 left in a surplus account which covers other things. In total that's £182.55 for the next eight days so I shouldn't struggle too much. Ideally I'd like to save £100 of this but we'll see what happens. It's a bonus should it happen and will go straight towards the holiday fund/emergency fund.

Anyhow I best go get ready, the afternoon awaits me which includes a long walk with my friend and her dog where we shall have a good catch up .

I'm back home finally.

I went and filled my car up with petrol and nipped to the shops. Then I met up with my best friend and we went for a long walk with her dog where we had a catch up on each others lives. I managed to get alot of things off my chest which felt good and got her opinion on different aspects of my life. We then picked the boys up from school and walked back to hers where we said our goodbyes .

Me and the boy then went to my Auntie & Uncles house where we picked up the party invites for my mum's birthday and had a cuppa and a chat about day to day things. It was nice and relaxed and the boy spent time winding up my uncle and vice versa- they're both as bad as one another.

We've then come home and had tea. We have the boys homework to do then it will be shower and bedtime.

I'm absolutely exhausted and can't wait to sleep tonight. I had a phone call from my care team who said my care coordinator should be back from next week, fingers crossed it all works out that way. I'm sick of hearing one excuse after another and that I should be fine because I work within the profession. It's not the point, they still have a duty of care and right at this moment it's lacking.

Anyhow I suppose I best get on with my evening. I've a few things left to do and want to get them done before I fall asleep.

Jvr, you're right. It shouldn't have anything to do with it but I somehow think it does, sadly. I have the knowledge and understand a great deal about my condition and medication but it doesn't mean I don't struggle at times. I hit crisis point the other next and I was just told yet again to wait until my care coordinator is back again. I think I'm going to just crack on with it and try to keep things together as much as possible.

I'm lucky I have a good support network around me. It's been a tough, emotional couple of days and without my mum and manfriend, I don't know where I'd be. Plus the other friends in my life who somehow keep me going. I need to count my lucky stars.

I've had a couple of spends this week which were unexpected but all still within budget. I'm not too fussed about these. February is the first month I have stuck to a proper budget and still have saving pots intact and untouched. Let's hope the same goes for March and continues.

This week has been my week of annual leave and I have managed to keep busy most days.

On Wednesday, I had a chill out day spent at home sorting a few things out. I was suppose to meet a friend but rearranged for Friday instead. I then took the boy ice skating and he did really well.

On Thursday I spent time with manfriend helping him do some odd jobs here and there. We then went for lunch and had a good laugh with one another. I left the restaurant with lettuce stuck in my hair, how immature of us. It was the evening where everything went downhill for me and my moods just changed, it wasn't a good time. I found myself sat in my car contemplating life and what to do with it. I spoke to someone who probably stopped me from making any rash decisions and then I ended up going home for the night where I was able to keep safe. The care team I contacted stated they would liase with my own care team regarding further support.

On Friday I met up with an old friend who I haven't seen for years. We spent three hours in Asda cafe having a good catch up which was much needed. We had a bacon barm each that cost £1, a refillable soft drink that was £1 and I had a coffee which was £1.25. What a bargain and would definately recommend for somewhere cheap and cheerful for a catch up.

I then spoke to my own care team who overrode and did not take into account what happened the night before. I was asked what extra support I think I reauire.. I keep telling them but no one is listening. I'm really beginning to give up with them. I'm no longer going to look to them for support and I feel like I need a break from them.

The boys dad popped round for an hour last night and bought him a pizza.. as if that makes up for lack of time/seeing him. There was tension amongst the situation which made me feel stressed out even further and I just needed to get myself away.

I had a few drinks last night and then just completely zonked out.

I've not long woken up and the boy wants to go swimming. As much as I don't want to, I'm going to have to make the effort and push myself to go. Whilst there I will enquire about the gym and how I go about signing up. I'm changing gyms as its closer to home and this one has swimming facilities. I'm going to set aside the time each week to at least go 2/3 times to burn off some energy.

That's it really.