I can't believe I'm in this position again!!!

24

Comments

  • lizzy23
    lizzy23 Posts: 193 Forumite
    Oh lizzie I wish I had your optimism.

    Thank you everyone for trying to make me feel better.

    Been there done that and got the T Shirt on depression, so i know exactly where you're at, that hole is very dark and deep with extremely steep sides, i know what it is to feel like you're a waste of space and have no worth,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, but i'm through and you can to, like i said please speak to one of the debt charities, if the debt is in your name and you're working, then your otherhalf has no need to be included in any of your negotiations
    LBM 2 and the OH is onboard sept 12, DMP will start on the 1st November, DFD who cares as longs as it comes:)
    1 year down 5 to go and now under 30k and 10% paid off :beer:
  • If I contact the debt charities will that affect either of our credit ratings?
  • lizzy23
    lizzy23 Posts: 193 Forumite
    If I contact the debt charities will that affect either of our credit ratings?

    Not if you're just contacting them
    LBM 2 and the OH is onboard sept 12, DMP will start on the 1st November, DFD who cares as longs as it comes:)
    1 year down 5 to go and now under 30k and 10% paid off :beer:
  • HI aw you do sound at your wits end at the moment but i have read different people being able to broach the issue with their partner with varying success.
    Ironically my DH had debt issues years ago and because of that he doesnt have credit. But i managed to rack up a fair amount until the interest rates meant that i just wasnt getting anywhere. He was understanding but i do understand those who hate debt reacting badly. But i think you need to get some good advice to relieve the pressure you are putting yourself under. Would strongly recommend speaking to STEPChange or Payplan for some independant advice. they can advise on your position with equity and whats best way forward. You dont HAVE to tell partner but they recommend it as your spending does have to change so that i would expect be noticed

    Just wanted to say also that you've spent the money on you, your kids AND your husband he cant have been blind that things cost money. Please dont do anything rash it really isnt worth it. Wishing lots of luck and good thoughts to get you on track
    LBM Sept 2012
    started DMP 1.11.12
    Debt [STRIKE]£37012[/STRIKE]/£0 DFD January 2019 :beer:
  • stupid-fool
    stupid-fool Posts: 71 Forumite
    edited 21 November 2012 at 8:47PM
    Hi AW

    I'm no expert - just a stupid fool who, along with my wife, has racked up nearly £70k of debt. If you split that in half, then we've managed £35k each. I know I'm in the lucky position that we both talk about our problem, but it took us getting in way deeper before the light came on.

    I was referred for counselling recently for stress, mainly as a result of work, and was diagnosed as being depressed - I was so ashamed and disbelieving that I initially rejected the concept. After a number of sessions with a cognitive counsellor at my GP surgery I was much better - I also took anti-depressants for a while. I was a sceptic who actually gained a lot from the treatment.

    I didn't link my debts with the medical problems, and actually remember making a conscious decision not to mention them, but looking back I should have done.

    Anyway, the point of my story is that I would recommend getting some help in at least 2 ways. StepChange have been excellent for us with our debt problem but they are not the only free charity (don't pay anyone for debt assistance in any way), but I would strongly recommend that you also try to get some medical help through your doctor - trying to buy your self esteem will only result in more debt now and in future.

    One final thought for you is that the feeling of control and near euphoria from putting our DMP into place and starting to solve the problem is amazing. My first payment is due on 1st December and I'm actually excited about it.

    This forum has also been an absolute saviour - stick around.
    LBM 25/10/12
    DMP start date - 02/11/12 - £68,236 - DFD 13/12/2018
    Milestone date - 31/08/14 - £49,297 - DFD 17/02/2019 :(
    DEBT FREE April 2015 :j

    Eating the elephant one bite at a time
  • Many thanks everyone for your advice.

    Today I contacted Step Change, they said I'm meeting all my monthly payments and to try to cut back on other things so I can make some overpayments.

    I feel a bit better today have had the odd moment where I have nearly taken a panic attack.

    Come June 2013 or thereabouts I should have 2 things cleared which will free up £275 per month so I feel a bit better about that.

    Ive started going to ALdi for my shopping so I'm hoping that will reduce the grocery bill. my husband and oldest son are forever eating something.

    Once again, many thanks everyone. I have been reading a few diaries and also reading the thread where people are trying to pay off a certain amount of their debts this year, I've also joined the challenge for next year, so that should keep me motivated.
  • hi AW glad you managed to speak to SC. YOu sound more relieved Im a recent aldi convert and its amazing how much less you spend. Partially i think because they are not overselling stuff you dont really need as well as being quite a bit cheaper. have gone from an £80/week plus shop to about £40 without compromising too much.
    LBM Sept 2012
    started DMP 1.11.12
    Debt [STRIKE]£37012[/STRIKE]/£0 DFD January 2019 :beer:
  • StressedSteph
    StressedSteph Posts: 2,834
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Forumite
    edited 22 November 2012 at 5:32PM
    I read your post and it felt like it was me that had written it.

    We are sooo similar. The fact that we have racked up this debt on our own, even though it was spent on family (not just ourselves), we have similar OH's, mine hasn't said he would leave me, but we have dug ourselves out of this before and he would be very dissappointed if he knew we were back in the same boat again, and also the amount we owe is very similar.

    Maybe we could be MSE buddies :beer:.

    PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, don't feel like you are on your own. I plan to tackle this secretly without the OH realising, so sure you could do it too.

    My OH isnt a big spender and does'nt ask many questions so I am hopeful that I can lessen the debt before he finds out.

    I plan to make him deal with the finances once I have dealt with this mess as I am obviously not cut out to deal with money :o:o.

    Will follow your thread and we should stick together
  • Hi Steph

    That sounds brilliant, it will be great to have someone you can share things with.
  • My greatest weakness is internet shopping = Ebay, Amazon etc.

    If I could leave these sites alone for a few months I think I would actually get somewhere.

    We live 10 miles away from a large town, so if I have to actually drive into town and use cash i think that would stop me spending the money.

    It is just too easy clicking on the computer, its like its not real money. Do you do the same?

    We will get there somehow. is it worth you posting an SOA?
    I also did MSE Budget Brain which helped me see that I do have spare cash each month, and if I cut out all the little spending then I would be able to start over paying and chipping away at the debt.

    Good luck xxx Hope you are feeling more optimistic now. x
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