Problems with a colleague

w00519772 · 19 September 2019 at 10:42PM

I continue to have problems with my colleague. I mentioned it in my recent 121 and I was told that the head of department had received other similar reports.

The head suggested that a mediator is brought in to mediate between my colleague and I. I find this a little bizarre. He said he wants to show the other person the effect her behaviour is having on me. I am a little reluctant to agree to this as I think it would be counter productive; introducing conflict in an already hostile environment. I would be grateful for thoughts.

Dox · 19 September 2019 at 11:09PM

w00519772 wrote: »

I continue to have problems with my colleague. I mentioned it in my recent 121 and I was told that the head of department had received other similar reports.

The head suggested that a mediator is brought in to mediate between my colleague and I. I find this a little bizarre. He said he wants to show the other person the effect her behaviour is having on me. I am a little reluctant to agree to this as I think it would be counter productive; introducing conflict in an already hostile environment. I would be grateful for thoughts.

I suspect they might also be trying to show you the effect your behaviour is having on her! Mediators aren't there to 'introduce conflict'; do a bit of googling and find out how they operate.

Do you want the 'problem' solved or not?

Blatchford · 20 September 2019 at 7:46AM

I also think your managers don't see your colleague as the problem, but all of you as the problem. There is really no other reason for introducing a mediator. Mediators aren't for changing individuals, that what instructions are for.

NBLondon · 20 September 2019 at 9:03AM

w00519772 wrote: »

I continue to have problems with my colleague. I mentioned it in my recent 121 and I was told that the head of department had received other similar reports.

So this is the second time - and there are still complaints from others? Including customer complaints? As said above... tell the truth about her behaviour and the impact it has on you and on customers. If it has improved - but not enough - say that.

Are you perhaps the best person to comment on her technical performance of the job? So the management think you can fix the other issues as well?

Mediator does sound a bit of a strange approach. if customers are complaining about this person's behaviour - then the line management should really be tackling that first. But if Head of Dept wants to go down that route - be positive - try a stance of "Maybe that will help XXX change her approach with ALL of us and customers too" to make it clear that it's not just a problem for you.

Marcon · 20 September 2019 at 9:28AM

Dox wrote: »

Do you want the 'problem' solved or not?

Clearly not, or OP would be willing to co-operate with what appears to be a very sensible suggestion.

Sometimes having a 'problem' is more important to an individual than the problem being solved. Perhaps OP needs to think hard about why having a problem colleague is better than not having a problem colleague...or is OP in fact the problem?

JohnDorian · 20 September 2019 at 9:55AM

I think you are reading this wrong. You're coming at it from the angle if the newcomer is a trouble maker and I have been here for 12 years so know right. Your management don't see it that way as mediators aren't really brought in to solve a one way problem. They see the problem as two way, i.e. you and the colleague. Looks like she has hit back with feedback about you which now makes management believe you are part of the problem and hence the mediator.

nicechap · 20 September 2019 at 11:29AM

w00519772 wrote: »

I continue to have problems with my colleague. I mentioned it in my recent 121 and I was told that the head of department had received other similar reports.

The head suggested that a mediator is brought in to mediate between my colleague and I. I find this a little bizarre. He said he wants to show the other person the effect her behaviour is having on me. I am a little reluctant to agree to this as I think it would be counter productive; introducing conflict in an already hostile environment. I would be grateful for thoughts.

And therein lies why your manager/ Head of Department have suggested it. You are not open to new ideas/ outside views, and this is affecting your behaviour to your colleague.

There must be a reason why management want you both there - but if the problem becomes too disruptive to the aims of the business, you may not like their next step(s).

TBagpuss · 20 September 2019 at 12:39PM

w00519772 wrote: »

Well, the saga continues. This employee was put on report, however continues to be difficult to work with. Just today, someone came in to speak to me because "she knew she wasn't around".

Today I was asked by the head of department if things are improving. I tried to be diplomatic and said it has only been a few weeks since the employee was put on report, when I really want to day: "No, things are not improving". I was asked whether or not this employee is productive or not. Again, I wanted to be very critical, but I found myself being quite diplomatic saying give it time.

I am the only person who can say whether this employee is up to scratch (because I have a very specialised role and am very experienced) and I find myself being very . I have never been in this position before , ever. Do I just let it rip and really vent out my frustrations?

I would be very grateful to hear from others who were in this position and what you did. These days I worry what mood my colleague will be in rather than the complex work I have to do that day.

I think the issue is that your responsibility is not 'to be diplomatic' it is to be honest with your boss.

This doesn't mean venting all of your frustrations, it means giving them a claer, accurate cture of what is happening, with concrete examples where possible.

e.g.

"I am still getting a lot of complaints about her, and other members of the team have explicitly tild me they avoid going to her"

or

"She has improved slightly - I have not heard her shout at anyone this week, but she is still very abrupt and rude in speaking to others - [example of what she said / did]"

Your manager can't manage herif they are not bing given accurate information about her.

I'm also not clear whether you haveever said anything to your coworker yourself, for instacen if she has been rude or short with you, have you ever said anything in the momenet?

What about when other people complain about her to you? Are you telling them that they need to speak to her manager, or even to speak to her themselves (depending on what they are complaining about)

TBagpuss · 20 September 2019 at 1:03PM

w00519772 wrote: »

I continue to have problems with my colleague. I mentioned it in my recent 121 and I was told that the head of department had received other similar reports.

The head suggested that a mediator is brought in to mediate between my colleague and I. I find this a little bizarre. He said he wants to show the other person the effect her behaviour is having on me. I am a little reluctant to agree to this as I think it would be counter productive; introducing conflict in an already hostile environment. I would be grateful for thoughts.

I think it would be relevant for you to flag up for your boss that the conflict is not between you and this individual but is also between her and other members of the team / department, andthat you are simply the one that other individuals are complaining to.

I would suggest that you tell your boss you are happy to mediate butthat as you are not the one earing the brunt of the problems, simply the one who is bringing that information to their attention, that it might be mre productive to involve those whpo are ctually making the original complaints (including you, if that includes you)

panika · 20 September 2019 at 6:43PM

OP, is there any person ( for example other manager on the same level as head of your dept even from other company or your previous boss) you could discuss your problem with the colleague, just to have other opinion?
I can see it really gets to you and keeps dragging. Talking to someone completely different 121may help to solve the issue.
Bear in mind, you mentioned in your earlier posts you want to your colleague to be "managed out". We are talking here about real person with mortgage/rent, bills to pay and maybe having to raise the children/ look after the parents. Do you really want to get this person out of job and having all the troubles associated with it? To be honest I personally wouldn't wish it to anyone...

Problems with a colleague

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