Desperate
Comments
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Your son and daughter in law's reaction is very strong, which leads me to think this wasn't just about you not asking permission for a train trip with the grandchildren.
Did they feel you somehow put the grandchildren at risk or in danger on this trip?
Was there anything else that they had been irritated with you previously, so the train trip without permission was, for them, the straw that broke the camel's back?
Running away isn't the answer. I have no idea if you did something wrong, rub people up the wrong way, or simply that your daughter in law and son are unreasonable people. But you may need to apologise (did you apologise at the time?) in order to see if it will soften their attitude towards you and you could move forward with seeing your grandchildren again.0 -
OP, you seem to lack the ability to see things from another persons perspective. Reflect, reflect, reflect. Talk with a friend to see if they can help you review the situation.
It is simply impossible that you took the children on a train and your family ceased contact. There is more you just refuse to acknowledge it.0 -
I am sorry you feel like this but l know where you are coming from. My DD hasn't spoken to us for years because we voiced our concerns about her controlling BF taking over her life and pushing her away from her friends and he didn't like it and him and his mother convinced her to move in with them and not to see or speak to us, her friends and any other family members. This has hurt so much and we have tried to talk to her but she doesn't want to know. We were not the only ones concerned her friends were worried about her too as he kept turning up uninvited when they got together and he made them uncomfortable.
I really hope it all works out for you because it never goes away. Good luck.Stash Busting Challenge 2016 6/520 -
How on earth do you know she lacks perspective, to me it seems the DIL lacks perspective and has gone totally OTT with her reaction to the situation.OP, you seem to lack the ability to see things from another persons perspective. Reflect, reflect, reflect. Talk with a friend to see if they can help you review the situation.
It is simply impossible that you took the children on a train and your family ceased contact. There is more you just refuse to acknowledge it.
Simply impossible my backside, of course its entirely possible, relationships between DIL/MIL are that variable, and can be that hard work that even comedians joke about them.
And i'm also of the opinion that this DIL sounds so foul that it appears she feels the need to drive a family wedge. Most sensible people would have said, i'm sorry could you just run that by me in future and that would have been an end to it.
Reaction here has been so OTT that it seems her daughter in law cant regulate her own emotions.
Maybe the OP hasnt even been given the chance to apologise properly if she wanted too. You've already by the posts, had the trial, found the OP guilty, and are now collecting pitch forks.
Tell me again about perspective!,Fully paid up member of the ignore button club.If it walks like a Duck, quacks like a Duck, it's a Duck.0 -
AylesburyDuck wrote: »How on earth do you know she lacks perspective, to me it seems the DIL lacks perspective and has gone totally OTT with her reaction to the situation.
Simply impossible my backside, of course its entirely possible, relationships between DIL/MIL are that variable, and can be that hard work that even comedians joke about them.
And i'm also of the opinion that this DIL sounds so foul that it appears she feels the need to drive a family wedge. Most sensible people would have said, i'm sorry could you just run that by me in future and that would have been an end to it.
Reaction here has been so OTT that it seems her daughter in law cant regulate her own emotions.
Maybe the OP hasnt even been given the chance to apologise properly if she wanted too. You've already by the posts, had the trial, found the OP guilty, and are now collecting pitch forks.
Tell me again about perspective!
It seems the OP has disappeared so we will never know.
I have not suggested the DIL is not to blame and I didn’t say she lack perspective I said and continue to believe from the way the OP has answered when she did post that she appear s to be unable to see things from her DIL perspective.
Let’s wait and see if she ever returns. Then the quacking can continue!0 -
Sadly just reading the words you have written makes me feel you are not prepared to say you are sorry or you were wrong in order to reunite your family.
Although I do understand that the children were left in your care I also understand that if I had children in my care I would check with their parents before I arranged to do anything like this that they were happy about it.
Basically it’s your choice, put your hands up, say Your sorry and you understand how your daughter in law feels or continue with your unhappy life.
I do understand your DIL I also understand you but I would bite the bullet and say I understand and I’m sorry.OP, you seem to lack the ability to see things from another persons perspective. Reflect, reflect, reflect. Talk with a friend to see if they can help you review the situation.
It is simply impossible that you took the children on a train and your family ceased contact. There is more you just refuse to acknowledge it.
TBF, i'm not surprised she's gone. Do you forget what you write, or do you not see how it reads. :undecidedIt seems the OP has disappeared so we will never know.
I have not suggested the DIL is not to blame and I didn’t say she lack perspective I said and continue to believe from the way the OP has answered when she did post that she appear s to be unable to see things from her DIL perspective.
Let’s wait and see if she ever returns. Then the quacking can continue!
You did indeed point blame at her, and you did indeed say she lacked perspective.
It's above in black and white (black and cream actually), for all to see.,Fully paid up member of the ignore button club.If it walks like a Duck, quacks like a Duck, it's a Duck.0 -
AylesburyDuck wrote: »TBF, i'm not surprised she's gone. Do you forget what you write, or do you not see how it reads. :undecided
You did indeed point blame at her, and you did indeed say she lacked perspective.
It's above in black and white (black and cream actually), for all to see.
Well AD you and I see things differently, I have carefully reread what I have written and I don’t think I have written anything that is incorrect, disrespectful or unhelpful.
I stand by my comments that if the OP wants a relationship with her grandchildren and family then she needs to reflect on the situation and look at it from her DILs perspective and if necessary apologise for not asking prior to the trip.
Of course her DIL could be an awful person or course the OP could be right that she is not to blame but if her choice is run away or have no contact then sometimes we have to bite the bullet and say you are sorry if you did something wron in another season eyes.
I am happy for you to disagree with me, this I sent a forum, the OP put her message on her email for opinions this is mine. Like it or not AD it’s my opinion.0 -
I think the eldest (Father) needs to grow a pair and stand up to his Wife.0
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I took them on a short train trip something that they love. She won’t agree to mediation she likes to be in charge. I didn’t ask permission to take them even though they were left in my charge from Friday to Sunday ��
I'd like to ask you if it is you that likes to be in charge?
It's just that as you are reluctant to give details, it seems you are hiding something?0 -
It does sadly sound in this if it's the irresistible force meeting the immovable object and if this situation is ever to be resolved, somebody has to make the first move.
You have nothing to lose by being the person to take this step as you've apparently already lost your son and grandchildren for the last three years.
Do you and your husband ever talk about this issue? Would it be possible for the pair of you to make a joint move to try and resolve things?0
This discussion has been closed.
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