No income at all - help
Comments
-
https://www.womensaid.org.uk/the-survivors-handbook/am-i-in-an-abusive-relationship/
"Everyone has arguments, and everyone disagrees with their partners, family members and others close to them from time to time. And we all do things at times that we regret, and which cause unhappiness to those we care about. But if this begins to form a consistent pattern, then it is an indication of domestic violence and abuse."0 -
From reading all the posts in this thread, I'm presumably about to take a massively unpopular opinion...
Why is he abusing her again? Like what has he actually done? Dissecting the original post doesn't lead me to conclude any form of abuse??? And someone said to go to the police?!!My temporary job ended 6 months ago and I have been trying really hard to get a new job since. My contribution based JSA ran out last month.
Let's be frank, 6 months is a very long time, are you really trying really hard? Queue "there's no jobs out there" replies.I tried making a claim for Universal Credit but my partner thinks going to the job centre is beneath him and says he shouldn't have to go as it's got nothing to do with him. He also earns way too much for us to be able to get any benefit. Due to this the claim was closed down.
So he thinks going to the job centre is beneath him, bit of an ignorant view to take as sickness & unemployment don't discriminate. You mention that your claim was shut down as you're not eligible? So either he the has gone or he didn't need to? Confusing.Me and my partner are going through a rough patch and have been on and off for months. I am trying to move out, but obviously I have no income now so can't. I am trying my hardest to get a job. Due to him having all the money he kind of has a hold over me, and that dictates what I do, what I eat, where I can go, what I can wear etc. Because I have to ask him for money.
Fantasists who proclaim a partner should indefinitely be irrevocably willing to support their other half just don't live in the real world. No-ones even asked how long they've been together... If I'm honest, I would wager he's getting frustrated that you've been unemployed for 6 months at his expense. Rightly or wrongly, I'd wager it's fanned the flames even further that despite this you're looking to move out.
He could be the most supportive and pleasant person on the planet and the mere fact he entirely finances your life would make anyone feel indebted. The second part is purely up for interpretation but reading in a literal sense, of course this dictates what you eat, where you go, what you wear, you can't be shopping in Gucci if it's not your money. Lastly, you have to ask him for money because you're unemployed, it's not his fault!ANY money I get goes to him as repayment. e.g. xmas money, birthday money, if I do little errands for family etc.
Well yeah? Why would anyone think this is unacceptable?! What's his is hers and whats hers is hers??I have an infection or absess growing in my mouth and I really need to go to the dentist, but I can't afford it. There is no way he will pay for me. And even so why should it be down to him to pay for someone elses dental treatment?
Again open to interpretation but it sounds like you haven't even asked him (though you assume he will say no). I'd point that the reason you're unable to get treatment isn't because your partner is a meany mcmean face but because you're unemployed. Even you've indicated you appreciate this.
I just don't understand the replies at all, no one has asked how long they've been together, touched on why she's been unemployed for 6+ moths now, no, the partner is instantly abusing her (again, no matter how many times I read this, I can't see why - he didn't want to go job centre with her??) whilst simultaneously financing her life.I didn't realise it sounded so bad to other people. Thank you I will contact them.
Yeah I didn't realise either, no wonder you're surprised...Know what you don't0 -
From reading all the posts in this thread, I'm presumably about to take a massively unpopular opinion...
Why is he abusing her again? Like what has he actually done? Dissecting the original post doesn't lead me to conclude any form of abuse??? And someone said to go to the police?!!
Let's be frank, 6 months is a very long time, are you really trying really hard? Queue "there's no jobs out there" replies.
So he thinks going to the job centre is beneath him, bit of an ignorant view to take as sickness & unemployment don't discriminate. You mention that your claim was shut down as you're not eligible? So either he the has gone or he didn't need to? Confusing.
Fantasists who proclaim a partner should indefinitely be irrevocably willing to support their other half just don't live in the real world. No-ones even asked how long they've been together... If I'm honest, I would wager he's getting frustrated that you've been unemployed for 6 months at his expense. Rightly or wrongly, I'd wager it's fanned the flames even further that despite this you're looking to move out.
He could be the most supportive and pleasant person on the planet and the mere fact he entirely finances your life would make anyone feel indebted. The second part is purely up for interpretation but reading in a literal sense, of course this dictates what you eat, where you go, what you wear, you can't be shopping in Gucci if it's not your money. Lastly, you have to ask him for money because you're unemployed, it's not his fault!
Well yeah? Why would anyone think this is unacceptable?! What's his is hers and whats hers is hers??
Again open to interpretation but it sounds like you haven't even asked him (though you assume he will say no). I'd point that the reason you're unable to get treatment isn't because your partner is a meany mcmean face but because you're unemployed. Even you've indicated you appreciate this.
I just don't understand the replies at all, no one has asked how long they've been together, touched on why she's been unemployed for 6+ moths now, no, the partner is instantly abusing her (again, no matter how many times I read this, I can't see why - he didn't want to go job centre with her??) whilst simultaneously financing her life.
Yeah I didn't realise either, no wonder you're surprised...
God help your partner0 -
God help your partner
In case she decides that she fancies being long term unemployed at my expense and I "abuse" her by not being thrilled at the idea?
Maybe I'll run the idea past my better half tonight, see if she would have any issues if I did this. I'll be sure to remind her that it's abuse if she does.Know what you don't0 -
From reading all the posts in this thread, I'm presumably about to take a massively unpopular opinion...
Why is he abusing her again? Like what has he actually done? Dissecting the original post doesn't lead me to conclude any form of abuse??? And someone said to go to the police?!!
Let's be frank, 6 months is a very long time, are you really trying really hard? Queue "there's no jobs out there" replies.
So he thinks going to the job centre is beneath him, bit of an ignorant view to take as sickness & unemployment don't discriminate. You mention that your claim was shut down as you're not eligible? So either he the has gone or he didn't need to? Confusing.
Fantasists who proclaim a partner should indefinitely be irrevocably willing to support their other half just don't live in the real world. No-ones even asked how long they've been together... If I'm honest, I would wager he's getting frustrated that you've been unemployed for 6 months at his expense. Rightly or wrongly, I'd wager it's fanned the flames even further that despite this you're looking to move out.
He could be the most supportive and pleasant person on the planet and the mere fact he entirely finances your life would make anyone feel indebted. The second part is purely up for interpretation but reading in a literal sense, of course this dictates what you eat, where you go, what you wear, you can't be shopping in Gucci if it's not your money. Lastly, you have to ask him for money because you're unemployed, it's not his fault!
Well yeah? Why would anyone think this is unacceptable?! What's his is hers and whats hers is hers??
Again open to interpretation but it sounds like you haven't even asked him (though you assume he will say no). I'd point that the reason you're unable to get treatment isn't because your partner is a meany mcmean face but because you're unemployed. Even you've indicated you appreciate this.
I just don't understand the replies at all, no one has asked how long they've been together, touched on why she's been unemployed for 6+ moths now, no, the partner is instantly abusing her (again, no matter how many times I read this, I can't see why - he didn't want to go job centre with her??) whilst simultaneously financing her life.
Yeah I didn't realise either, no wonder you're surprised...
There is a general lean towards the "He's a {Edited by Forum Team} LEAVE HIM" stance on this (and other) forums. Often it is the first and last suggestion made. Rarely do people consider the fact that we are only hearing one side of the coin and that it is bound to be heavily weighed in their favour. I mean, rarely do people come on here and say "My partner is really fed up that I've been unemployed for six months and refuses to give me money. I've looked for work but won't take a minimum wage job in a shop as it's beneath me".
It's baffling to me that people seem to think they are best placed to give such life changing advice.0 -
Firstly, I sorry you are in this awful situation with your partner. Clearly, you need to try and get away from him as he is completely dominating you.Hi all,
I have an infection or absess growing in my mouth and I really need to go to the dentist, but I can't afford it. There is no way he will pay for me. And even so why should it be down to him to pay for someone elses dental treatment?
Re: dentist. You can go to an emergency dentist if you get a problem. Explain the situation. You could also try the doctor and state you have no money for treatment.0 -
From reading all the posts in this thread, I'm presumably about to take a massively unpopular opinion...
Why is he abusing her again? Like what has he actually done? Dissecting the original post doesn't lead me to conclude any form of abuse??? And someone said to go to the police?!!
Let's be frank, 6 months is a very long time, are you really trying really hard? Queue "there's no jobs out there" replies.
So he thinks going to the job centre is beneath him, bit of an ignorant view to take as sickness & unemployment don't discriminate. You mention that your claim was shut down as you're not eligible? So either he the has gone or he didn't need to? Confusing.
Fantasists who proclaim a partner should indefinitely be irrevocably willing to support their other half just don't live in the real world. No-ones even asked how long they've been together... If I'm honest, I would wager he's getting frustrated that you've been unemployed for 6 months at his expense. Rightly or wrongly, I'd wager it's fanned the flames even further that despite this you're looking to move out.
He could be the most supportive and pleasant person on the planet and the mere fact he entirely finances your life would make anyone feel indebted. The second part is purely up for interpretation but reading in a literal sense, of course this dictates what you eat, where you go, what you wear, you can't be shopping in Gucci if it's not your money. Lastly, you have to ask him for money because you're unemployed, it's not his fault!
Well yeah? Why would anyone think this is unacceptable?! What's his is hers and whats hers is hers??
Again open to interpretation but it sounds like you haven't even asked him (though you assume he will say no). I'd point that the reason you're unable to get treatment isn't because your partner is a meany mcmean face but because you're unemployed. Even you've indicated you appreciate this.
I just don't understand the replies at all, no one has asked how long they've been together, touched on why she's been unemployed for 6+ moths now, no, the partner is instantly abusing her (again, no matter how many times I read this, I can't see why - he didn't want to go job centre with her??) whilst simultaneously financing her life.
Yeah I didn't realise either, no wonder you're surprised...
Ye me too. I don't understand how the partner is supposed to continue being financially available when the OP clearly wants to leave.0 -
I’m probably in the camp that says that there is so much room for interpretation here that no-one can say if the relationship is a problem or not. Could be, but it could be that the partner is right to be getting fed up.Lioness_Twinkletoes wrote: »There is a general lean towards the "He's a {Edited by Forum Team} LEAVE HIM" stance on this (and other) forums. Often it is the first and last suggestion made. Rarely do people consider the fact that we are only hearing one side of the coin and that it is bound to be heavily weighed in their favour. I mean, rarely do people come on here and say "My partner is really fed up that I've been unemployed for six months and refuses to give me money. I've looked for work but won't take a minimum wage job in a shop as it's beneath me".
It's baffling to me that people seem to think they are best placed to give such life changing advice.
Being out of work for many months is not normal, and if the partner doesn’t see that things are split fairly in terms of money, efforts, lifestyle etc then yes, things may get tense without anyone really being in the wrong.0 -
Yes very difficult. You have to wonder if Poster is assuming the role of wife/ housekeeper/ caretaker ? Does she do all the cooking and cleaning thereby leaving partner with nothing to do but earn the money. This should have been discussed and agreed beforehand anyway. Very sad for the relationship but as they are not married I dont see why she isn't entitled to some sort of benefit . Could it be the poster is suffering from depression and lacks self esteem, so doesnt think she'll get any job she applies for. And it could be that her partner is a control freak and enjoys making her feel worthless, useless and unable to do anything about it. The possibilities are endless but one thing is for sure, time to move on.:T:jDabbler in all things moneysaving.Master of none:o
Well except mastered my mortgage 5 yrs early :T:j
Street finds for 2018 £26:49.0
This discussion has been closed.
Categories
- All Categories
- 343.2K Banking & Borrowing
- 250.1K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
- 449.7K Spending & Discounts
- 235.3K Work, Benefits & Business
- 608K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
- 173K Life & Family
- 247.9K Travel & Transport
- 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
- 15.9K Discuss & Feedback
- 15.1K Coronavirus Support Boards