Money Moral Dilemma: Should I buy an engagement gift for my fiance?

I've never heard of a woman buying an engagement ring but I believe it's tradition for her to buy her husband to be a present to present just before the wedding day. I would generally expect this to be something along the lines of a good watch, or at least something he can keep long term.

ringo_24601 wrote: »

Why should the women be the one getting a gift as part of an engagement, and not a man? It's absolute hypocrisy.

When you were young did your parents have to buy you presents on your siblings' birthdays to keep you from throwing a tantrum?

It's traditional. That's it. If you don't like it, you don't have to take part.

hazyjo wrote: »

He was even 50/50 in the bedroom too. Seriously lol! Can't even say he was selfish, just 'even' lol. Ahem.

The mind boggles. 50/50 is more than most men manage if you're talking about what I think you're talking about, but quite possibly you're not.

I read this one aloud to my boyfriend because I couldnt quite believe it. His response was 'What!!!???' So thats two of us that thinks its outrageous. But it is your responsibility to stick up for yourself...& you wouldnt have put the question here if you didnt think it was at least partly wrong.

Firstly, an engagement ring is a gift ONLY if you get married. Break off the engagement & you are expected to return the ring, whereas a watch is a gift.
Buying him an equally expensive 'gift' is not normal, or the done thing, & if hes worried hes not getting the good end of the deal financially then you two need to discuss EXACTLY what you both expect..because if you have children does he expect you to work full time from birth? If he earns more but you do more for him is that acknowledged anywhere? Has he even thought about what you do for him? He wont if you dont remind him.

I would suggest that you tell him you would rather have a lesser ring if he feels it will financially compromise him, & that the watch money is needed for your joint life. That soon there will be a honeymoon, holidays, property, etc etc & that spending lots of money on rings & watches is just silly. Tell him that when you are both in a better place financially he can buy himself a great watch AND a better ring, & you can save your money so that you have some for your joint life.
Then make sure he knows your value & isnt treating you like you are less if you earn less - & is admitting the ways you make his life easier & better.

I do think though that this meanness of spirit & greed so early in is a bad sign. Also wanting to wear an expensive watch is nothing but showing off if he hasnt really got the money for it. Its all a bit tit for tat & wanting to play the big man, all very unattractive traits seen in men who dont make very good husbands.

Strong words I know but so many girls just want their men to be happy they dont realise giving in to everything makes them just see you as a door mat & lowers your value in their eyes, & then they feel less happy. Ive had lots of boyfriends, most of whom were pretty good & not a single one would have done this. If you dont believe me ask your male relatives & friends what they think... they wont be impressed one bit. But guys can do silly things sometimes so as long as you dont put up with it then it should be fine. But Id watch this one...

rwj wrote: »

Traditionally the proposer was supposed to spend a month's salary on the ring. It's only fair in this day and age that you spend something similar in return. Of course if you're not working your month's salary would be...nothing...

Good point. FWIW thats a "tradition" invented in the 1940's by DeBeers. What do they sell, i forget?

Loz01 wrote: »

Well its not a tradition but I think its a good idea!! It'd be lovely to buy him a watch I think... maybe don't splash out though, there are PLENTY of nice ones you can get for a good price, it doesn't have to be a Rolex. Also a watch is practical and something he'll use so its not like a memento that might get shoved in a draw...

As lovely as the idea might be, it doesn't sound like the OP feels it's a priority given the bit in bold:

MSE_Nick wrote: »

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

My boyfriend recently proposed to me and spent money on a beautiful ring, which I love. He would like me to buy him a wristwatch of equal value as a memento of the engagement, however I've just left my job and we're about to move home so I feel we need every penny for more practical things. Am I being a scrooge?

I agree with her.

The fact that he wants her to buy a watch and he wants it to be of the same value as the ring he bought her is not that lovely an idea.