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  • FIRST POST
    • Elinore
    • By Elinore 26th Mar 19, 5:20 AM
    • 221Posts
    • 805Thanks
    Elinore
    Barking mad relatives!
    • #1
    • 26th Mar 19, 5:20 AM
    Barking mad relatives! 26th Mar 19 at 5:20 AM
    I have a family of two sides. My fathers are small loose knit, withdrawn, bookish gentle and reserved. My mothers family is huge, bright, loud, heavily, interconnected and dotty.

    Just a bit of background, just to give an idea of how this all came about - I moved away quite some time ago and live just outside London. I was honoured in my field recently at an awards ceremony and my mother and one of her sisters came down for the event. It never occurred to me that it was the first time any of the family outside of my mother have seen, or known where I live for nigh on 20 years.

    Saturday just gone i am puttering ready for bed and the doorbell goes. open the door to a very young lass, wheelie case with a toddler on her hip.

    Apparently my Aunt, in her infinite wisdom has decided that my 'huge'* house has room for her daughter! didn't ask, didn't check just put the girl on a National Express and let her travel all day to my door. (it's not huge! we just have a spare space which with large families or several generations all living together never happens) which I also happen to have our lovely mon/fri lodger living in!

    The young mum has aspirations for modelling and being close to London is key - Family do these things for the family I was told.

    Following day first thing I drove the wee lass to the train station, paid for a ticket (after buying her lunch and some bits for the babby) and sent her straight back, poor kid.

    Who does that! who?

    I've not heard a peep since! (apart from a message from the poor lass to confirm she was home safe)

    Families!
    Last edited by Elinore; 26-03-2019 at 5:23 AM.
Page 12
    • sleepymans
    • By sleepymans 24th May 19, 7:15 AM
    • 809 Posts
    • 1,232 Thanks
    sleepymans
    This thread Definitely didnít suspend my disbelief for as long as the ďBag for LifeĒ
    Goddess
    • societys child
    • By societys child 25th May 19, 6:30 PM
    • 6,265 Posts
    • 7,299 Thanks
    societys child
    Humm, cool story . .

    • Silvertabby
    • By Silvertabby 4th Jun 19, 3:33 PM
    • 4,376 Posts
    • 6,830 Thanks
    Silvertabby
    It's all gone quiet. Are you ok, Elinore?
    • Elinore
    • By Elinore 4th Jun 19, 4:36 PM
    • 221 Posts
    • 805 Thanks
    Elinore
    All good! - it's quiet at the moment. I am aware that Aunty was very very unhappy that my boss wrote back with a 'sling your hook' letter and i have been told shes scheming

    That being said i don't like to invite drama so i try to dodge the subject where possible.

    she is from the revenge is best served cold club - so im sure it will come....in time
    • supermezzo
    • By supermezzo 5th Jun 19, 10:41 AM
    • 1,017 Posts
    • 1,246 Thanks
    supermezzo
    Glad to hear there is quiet for now. However, so as not to invite drama further down the line, I'd still be issuing a 'cease and desist' letter to her to prevent future slander/libel.
    It aint over til I've done singing....
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 5th Jun 19, 10:43 AM
    • 31,189 Posts
    • 80,034 Thanks
    Mojisola
    All good! - it's quiet at the moment. I am aware that Aunty was very very unhappy that my boss wrote back with a 'sling your hook' letter and i have been told shes scheming

    That being said i don't like to invite drama so i try to dodge the subject where possible.

    she is from the revenge is best served cold club - so im sure it will come....in time
    Originally posted by Elinore
    That can be stressful - never knowing when the next attack will happen.
    • Elinore
    • By Elinore 23rd Jun 19, 12:31 PM
    • 221 Posts
    • 805 Thanks
    Elinore
    Well, I was rather surprised at the Aunties new plan of attack it seems a bit anticlimactic.

    She has been putting pressure on my Grandma to do two things, One denounce me to the family and Two, remove me from her will.

    1. Is a bit tricky
    2. I couldn't care less about and frankly wasn't aware i was IN her will.

    I think the reason it's anticlimactic is Auntie is money obsessed so being written out of the will would be, totally the Worst.Thing.Ever.

    She seems to think shes landed a killing blow and I'm all.........and?

    • supermezzo
    • By supermezzo 23rd Jun 19, 1:02 PM
    • 1,017 Posts
    • 1,246 Thanks
    supermezzo
    Are you close to your Grandma? Is it reasonable to speak to her, explain that you're obviously not upset in any way with her and that you totally understand that you are both being placed in a difficult position and that you don't want to fall out with her? Auntie obviously thinks you will panic etc so why not take the wind out of her sails by being uber reasonable and calm about it all?
    It aint over til I've done singing....
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 23rd Jun 19, 1:06 PM
    • 22,878 Posts
    • 61,864 Thanks
    Pollycat
    Well, I was rather surprised at the Aunties new plan of attack it seems a bit anticlimactic.

    She has been putting pressure on my Grandma to do two things, One denounce me to the family and Two, remove me from her will.

    1. Is a bit tricky
    2. I couldn't care less about and frankly wasn't aware i was IN her will.

    I think the reason it's anticlimactic is Auntie is money obsessed so being written out of the will would be, totally the Worst.Thing.Ever.

    She seems to think shes landed a killing blow and I'm all.........and?

    Originally posted by Elinore
    Why is #1 tricky?
    What is there to 'denounce'?
    Why are you even bothered about these people?
    • Elinore
    • By Elinore 23rd Jun 19, 1:12 PM
    • 221 Posts
    • 805 Thanks
    Elinore
    Tricky in:

    It makes the drama involve the wider family rather than just between Aunty and me.

    If she gets her way my mother will likely be told not to speak to me (I can live with this)

    Some of my aunts are really nice and I am close to a few of my cousins (one or two stop here when visiting London)

    ps My lovely lodger has moved out - but I'm keeping this to myself (even to the point of lying to my mother!)
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 23rd Jun 19, 2:02 PM
    • 22,878 Posts
    • 61,864 Thanks
    Pollycat
    Tricky in:

    It makes the drama involve the wider family rather than just between Aunty and me.
    Originally posted by Elinore
    So what.
    If she gets her way my mother will likely be told not to speak to me (I can live with this)
    Originally posted by Elinore
    So what.
    If your Mother is as bad as you've painted her in previous threads, that's no great loss.
    As you've admitted yourself.
    Some of my aunts are really nice and I am close to a few of my cousins (one or two stop here when visiting London)
    Originally posted by Elinore
    So what.
    If they believe someone else over you, no great loss.
    ps My lovely lodger has moved out - but I'm keeping this to myself (even to the point of lying to my mother!)
    Originally posted by Elinore
    So what if she has moved out.
    That's nobody's business but yours.
    Why would you need to share that information with your Mother?

    You're just playing their games.
    • Sea Shell
    • By Sea Shell 23rd Jun 19, 2:31 PM
    • 2,088 Posts
    • 3,601 Thanks
    Sea Shell
    Pity they're stooping to drag your Nan into this...

    Is your Nan someone who can be easily swayed as to her opinion of you, or does she know her own mind?

    If the latter, your Aunt could have a fit of the screaming ab-dabs, and it wouldn't make a jots difference.

    If the former, well then they're all as bad as each other and you're best rid of the lot of them.
    " That pound I saved yesterday, is a pound I don't have to earn tomorrow " JOB DONE!!
    This should now read "It's time to start digging up those Squirrelled Nuts"!!!
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 23rd Jun 19, 3:21 PM
    • 22,878 Posts
    • 61,864 Thanks
    Pollycat
    Pity they're stooping to drag your Nan into this...

    Is your Nan someone who can be easily swayed as to her opinion of you, or does she know her own mind?

    If the latter, your Aunt could have a fit of the screaming ab-dabs, and it wouldn't make a jots difference.

    If the former, well then they're all as bad as each other and you're best rid of the lot of them.
    Originally posted by Sea Shell
    I think your last sentence accurately describes the OPs relatives.
    • Smodlet
    • By Smodlet 28th Jun 19, 5:11 PM
    • 4,520 Posts
    • 7,902 Thanks
    Smodlet
    Drama does seem to follow you around, Elinore or, perhaps, you invite it purely through your inaction. I would have nothing whatsoever to do with anyone who behaved one tenth as badly as your relatives apparently do unless I were being paid to.

    Why do you even care what they think if they are so vile? If you would not tolerate such behaviour in a friend or a colleague, why tolerate it in anyone else?
    What is this life if, sweet wordsmith, we have no time to take the pith?
    Every stew starts with the first onion.
    I took it upon myself to investigate a trifle; it had custard, jelly, soggy sponge things...
    • Nicki
    • By Nicki 28th Jun 19, 9:03 PM
    • 7,857 Posts
    • 28,001 Thanks
    Nicki
    Drama does seem to follow you around, Elinore or, perhaps, you invite it purely through your inaction. I would have nothing whatsoever to do with anyone who behaved one tenth as badly as your relatives apparently do unless I were being paid to.

    Why do you even care what they think if they are so vile? If you would not tolerate such behaviour in a friend or a colleague, why tolerate it in anyone else?
    Originally posted by Smodlet
    That feels unfair to me. I, like OP, have vile toxic relatives who behave as hers do and from whom I have now cut all contact. Those who know me are split 50/50 between those who think it was about time too and I’ve done the right thing and those who think family trumps all and anything can be forgiven.

    Unless you’ve walked the walk, you can’t really judge. But from experience as the victim of this kind of behaviour there will always be someone out there who thinks you must have brought it on yourself or can’t believe that it’s quite as bad as you are reporting.

    I can completely 100% believe that this has happened to Elinore and that no blame at all attaches to her for it. People can be vile.
    • ska lover
    • By ska lover 28th Jun 19, 9:21 PM
    • 3,152 Posts
    • 7,582 Thanks
    ska lover
    Unless youíve walked the walk, you canít really judge. But from experience as the victim of this kind of behaviour there will always be someone out there who thinks you must have brought it on yourself or canít believe that itís quite as bad as you are reporting.

    I can completely 100% believe that this has happened to Elinore and that no blame at all attaches to her for it. People can be vile.
    Originally posted by Nicki
    I couldn't agree more. Very well said
    The opposite of what you know...is also true
    • DrivingMissDaisy
    • By DrivingMissDaisy 28th Jun 19, 10:18 PM
    • 76 Posts
    • 60 Thanks
    DrivingMissDaisy
    I just hope the grandma does what the aunt wants and then everyone can be happy and done with this storyline.
    • Smodlet
    • By Smodlet 29th Jun 19, 9:43 AM
    • 4,520 Posts
    • 7,902 Thanks
    Smodlet
    That feels unfair to me. I, like OP, have vile toxic relatives who behave as hers do and from whom I have now cut all contact. Those who know me are split 50/50 between those who think it was about time too and Iíve done the right thing and those who think family trumps all and anything can be forgiven.

    Unless youíve walked the walk, you canít really judge. But from experience as the victim of this kind of behaviour there will always be someone out there who thinks you must have brought it on yourself or canít believe that itís quite as bad as you are reporting.

    I can completely 100% believe that this has happened to Elinore and that no blame at all attaches to her for it. People can be vile.
    Originally posted by Nicki

    I have "walked the walk". My parents were both beyond toxic. As a child I had no choice but to put up with them (there was no Childline back then) The day I realised I no longer had to put up with them was the day things began to improve.

    No-one brings toxic relatives upon themselves and no adult has to put up with them unless they so choose.
    What is this life if, sweet wordsmith, we have no time to take the pith?
    Every stew starts with the first onion.
    I took it upon myself to investigate a trifle; it had custard, jelly, soggy sponge things...
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 29th Jun 19, 9:57 AM
    • 22,878 Posts
    • 61,864 Thanks
    Pollycat
    I have "walked the walk". My parents were both beyond toxic. As a child I had no choice but to put up with them (there was no Childline back then) The day I realised I no longer had to put up with them was the day things began to improve.

    No-one brings toxic relatives upon themselves and no adult has to put up with them unless they so choose.
    Originally posted by Smodlet
    Me too, although in my case if was a sibling.
    I certainly don't believe that 'family trumps all'.
    Some things cannot be forgiven.
    • -taff
    • By -taff 30th Jun 19, 11:41 AM
    • 10,222 Posts
    • 13,904 Thanks
    -taff
    But from experience as the victim of this kind of behaviour there will always be someone out there who thinks you must have brought it on yourself or canít believe that itís quite as bad as you are reporting.
    Originally posted by Nicki

    I'm with you on that one...


    The trouble with forums is it's easy to give advice, and then get annoyed that the recipient is not following it and to be fair, someone asked what was happening, now, she didn't volunteer the info willy nilly, and people are free to believe or disbelieve.
    It seems that staying away from the drama is working OK, and she's just reporting what the relatives are up to. And I'd imagine, the lack of reaction to something that's so important to her aunty is probably really infuriating the aunty.
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