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  • FIRST POST
    • Elinore
    • By Elinore 26th Mar 19, 5:20 AM
    • 221Posts
    • 804Thanks
    Elinore
    Barking mad relatives!
    • #1
    • 26th Mar 19, 5:20 AM
    Barking mad relatives! 26th Mar 19 at 5:20 AM
    I have a family of two sides. My fathers are small loose knit, withdrawn, bookish gentle and reserved. My mothers family is huge, bright, loud, heavily, interconnected and dotty.

    Just a bit of background, just to give an idea of how this all came about - I moved away quite some time ago and live just outside London. I was honoured in my field recently at an awards ceremony and my mother and one of her sisters came down for the event. It never occurred to me that it was the first time any of the family outside of my mother have seen, or known where I live for nigh on 20 years.

    Saturday just gone i am puttering ready for bed and the doorbell goes. open the door to a very young lass, wheelie case with a toddler on her hip.

    Apparently my Aunt, in her infinite wisdom has decided that my 'huge'* house has room for her daughter! didn't ask, didn't check just put the girl on a National Express and let her travel all day to my door. (it's not huge! we just have a spare space which with large families or several generations all living together never happens) which I also happen to have our lovely mon/fri lodger living in!

    The young mum has aspirations for modelling and being close to London is key - Family do these things for the family I was told.

    Following day first thing I drove the wee lass to the train station, paid for a ticket (after buying her lunch and some bits for the babby) and sent her straight back, poor kid.

    Who does that! who?

    I've not heard a peep since! (apart from a message from the poor lass to confirm she was home safe)

    Families!
    Last edited by Elinore; 26-03-2019 at 5:23 AM.
Page 10
    • Elinore
    • By Elinore 21st May 19, 10:48 AM
    • 221 Posts
    • 804 Thanks
    Elinore

    Hey Pollycat - luckily she doesn’t know where I work but of course attended the charity function that started the whole mess off. (I volunteer in my own time)



    Oh, I’m not talking to that whole side of the family. My mother excluded, though she’s kind of been revelling in the drama and is just as bad if I am entirely honest with myself - but thats a fight for another day.


    Sigh

    • Litha
    • By Litha 21st May 19, 10:53 AM
    • 39 Posts
    • 602 Thanks
    Litha
    Dear Elinore,
    I have been reading along, but have not posted as I hadn't any fresh advice to give.
    My jaw has dropped at what a nasty and vindictive person your aunt is!
    What a rotten, horrible thing to do!
    Please know I am thinking of you and wishing you well. I also hope your auntie gets her ariss booted very hard by Karma.
    Linda x
    You never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 21st May 19, 10:58 AM
    • 31,152 Posts
    • 79,899 Thanks
    Mojisola
    As expected my Aunt did not take the email well. I weathered the storm of nastiness for a little while, rebuffed an attempt to get my dad’s side of the family involved – she was given a short shrift when she called my OH to lament at how rude and short sighted I was being. Met with a resolute no from me in all the forms she contacted me, via my mother, other aunts, chat or FB. I was polite, but firm.

    I was informed by my Area Leader that she had written to the charity I volunteer for. Basically she felt it was her civic duty to call me out with the charity as I was a hypocrite and they had a right to know. ‘Charity begins at home’ and were they aware of the cold hearted dream stealer they had working for them.
    Originally posted by Elinore
    This is getting beyond 'normal' thoughtless relative - I would be thinking about an injunction to prevent any more harassment.
    www.citizensadvice.org.uk/law-and-courts/discrimination/taking-action-about-discrimination/taking-action-about-harassment/
    • GlasweJen
    • By GlasweJen 21st May 19, 10:59 AM
    • 6,868 Posts
    • 12,400 Thanks
    GlasweJen
    Wow, just wow!

    I would be seriously warning your employer about what's happened in cause she does a bit of digging and then goes in for another blow.
    Bounts, Quidco, Shop and Scan, Receipt Hog, Costco Cashback, Debit card cashback

    NOT BUYING IT
    (unless it's on offer and can get my loyalty points)
    • -taff
    • By -taff 21st May 19, 11:12 AM
    • 10,202 Posts
    • 13,819 Thanks
    -taff
    I'd be getting a solicitor to write a letter telling her you're going to sue for libel and defamation of character


    You've got to wonder, what the hell is she thinking? Does she think this will make you change your mind? Does she realise this is the rift of all rifts? What a poisonous bittch
    • Gavin83
    • By Gavin83 21st May 19, 11:23 AM
    • 5,989 Posts
    • 10,248 Thanks
    Gavin83
    This is getting beyond 'normal' thoughtless relative - I would be thinking about an injunction to prevent any more harassment.
    www.citizensadvice.org.uk/law-and-courts/discrimination/taking-action-about-discrimination/taking-action-about-harassment/
    Originally posted by Mojisola
    I agree with this. I'd write to your aunt, tell her if she continues to contact you (or anyone regarding you) you'll consider it as harassment and look into taking out an injunction. I'd also inform her she should expect to hear from your solicitor shortly in regards to a defamation of character case and any further correspondence should go via your solicitor. You will drop the case in return for a written apology to both yourself and the charity you volunteer for. It's up to you if you continue with this threat.

    You need to play hard ball. Only way she'll listen is if she feels she'll lose out by continuing. The fall out is already there, I wouldn't worry about that any longer.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 21st May 19, 11:28 AM
    • 22,827 Posts
    • 61,742 Thanks
    Pollycat
    I'd be getting a solicitor to write a letter telling her you're going to sue for libel and defamation of character


    You've got to wonder, what the hell is she thinking? Does she think this will make you change your mind? Does she realise this is the rift of all rifts? What a poisonous bittch
    Originally posted by -taff
    It sounds like she's covered her vindictive a$$ with her letter.
    My Leader was alarmed as her letter was very carefully worded to be factual, vague but emotive and hinted at repercussions - along the lines of ‘I had just accepted a prestigious award and how would it look to the wider public…….’. He had to take advice from HO on if he needed to take some form of action on it. They decided no, but I can tell you now it’s made them nervous. Very nervous.
    Originally posted by Elinore
    Of course I don't know the nature of the charity that the OP volunteers for but it would make me think twice about continuing if they felt they had the right to interfere in my personal life and judge me based on a letter from someone with a clear axe to grind.
    • happyandcontented
    • By happyandcontented 21st May 19, 11:36 AM
    • 2,064 Posts
    • 4,473 Thanks
    happyandcontented
    I would want to know exactly what was in the letter. Most charities are not bound by FOI requests, but, as it is your information they may agree to a subject access request that is if they will not just allow you to see the letter.

    I agree with Pollycat that if they were seriously considering some kind of action against you based on the ( clearly vindictive) letter then I would be considering if I wanted to continue with them.

    It is really awful that your Aunt has done this and I too would be tempted to get a solicitor to contact her and say you will take legal action if the harassment continues.
    • heartbreak_star
    • By heartbreak_star 21st May 19, 11:37 AM
    • 7,956 Posts
    • 17,718 Thanks
    heartbreak_star
    I...I can't even...how very dare she!!

    HBS x
    "I believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another."

    "It's easy to know what you're against, quite another to know what you're for."

    #Starmer4PM #Bremainer
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 21st May 19, 12:06 PM
    • 22,827 Posts
    • 61,742 Thanks
    Pollycat
    You need to play hard ball. Only way she'll listen is if she feels she'll lose out by continuing. The fall out is already there, I wouldn't worry about that any longer.
    Originally posted by Gavin83
    Whatever action you take I'd do this ^^^^.


    I'd hit as hard as I could with whatever I could (not in a literal way, of course).
    In as public a way as possible.
    • JCS1
    • By JCS1 21st May 19, 12:15 PM
    • 3,916 Posts
    • 7,917 Thanks
    JCS1
    I'd be tempted to get hold of the letter and see what is actually in it. Then wait a week (to give time to calm down!) and then seriously think about seeing a solicitor.


    Other option you have of course, is to publish the letter on social media.......
    • warby68
    • By warby68 21st May 19, 12:18 PM
    • 1,242 Posts
    • 10,544 Thanks
    warby68
    Breathtaking

    And serious

    So sorry your mother doesn't even have your back.
    • MoneySeeker1
    • By MoneySeeker1 21st May 19, 12:32 PM
    • 59 Posts
    • 111 Thanks
    MoneySeeker1
    This might be useful:

    https://www.lawdepot.co.uk/contracts/cease-and-desist-letter/

    Looks like it would provide you with a suitable "cease and desist" letter to send her.

    Which just leaves the question as to whether your (voluntary) employer has to provide you with a copy of the letter. It is, after all, about you and only about you and so you certainly "should" be given a copy of it and so the question is as to whether you have the legal right to make them give it to you.
    • JWM
    • By JWM 21st May 19, 12:39 PM
    • 339 Posts
    • 602 Thanks
    JWM
    This is just appalling, I am furious on your behalf OP, even though we have never meet!

    Two options I think:
    Cut all of them from your life (a tough thing to do of course)
    or
    Take the Legal route. Although tempting, it would seen that these people love drama and don't care how they get it, so would you just be feeding their needs?

    Personally I would go for the first option, whilst warning your Mum that if you doesn't pull her finger out and start supporting you big time, the same thing will happen to her.

    Life is too short for these nutters - and I really hope your employer is treating the letter with the contempt it truly deserves.

    Chin up - you are the victim in this nasty little affair.
    • hb2
    • By hb2 21st May 19, 12:43 PM
    • 406 Posts
    • 1,376 Thanks
    hb2
    I don't think any rational person could have expected the aunt to act like this. What a nasty piece of work she is! OP, I really hope that this is her parting shot and you will never hear from her again . . .
    • silverwhistle
    • By silverwhistle 21st May 19, 12:57 PM
    • 2,475 Posts
    • 3,580 Thanks
    silverwhistle
    Good grief!


    Would it be possible to point your employers in the direction of this thread?
    • supermezzo
    • By supermezzo 21st May 19, 1:07 PM
    • 1,017 Posts
    • 1,241 Thanks
    supermezzo
    I can only agree with the legal route - You MUST protect yourself from this libel and slander as quickly and efficiently as possible.

    Yes, it will initially feed her drama needs BUT it will demonstrate to everyone else that you are rebutting her behaviour. Your silence will only be seen as an admission of guilt of whatever nonsense she comes up with next, if you don't.

    Take legal advice, make sure all your relatives know that she is looking at legal action if she doesn't stop it and also get an injunction/restraining order.

    As blo*dy awful as it may seem, you need to nail this quickly and completely before she does some serious damage. God forbid, but if she does find out where you work and start sh*t there too, you can go to HR and prove that you have done something concrete about this.


    Document everything and stop her, and do it before it gets totally out of hand. And if you won't do it for yourself, do it for the charity you volunteer for because I'll wager that she's slagging them off too, for not instantly sacking you. And in the wrong hands of an unscrupulous journalist.....
    It aint over til I've done singing....
    • JWM
    • By JWM 21st May 19, 1:54 PM
    • 339 Posts
    • 602 Thanks
    JWM
    I can only agree with the legal route - You MUST protect yourself from this libel and slander as quickly and efficiently as possible.

    Yes, it will initially feed her drama needs BUT it will demonstrate to everyone else that you are rebutting her behaviour. Your silence will only be seen as an admission of guilt of whatever nonsense she comes up with next, if you don't.

    Take legal advice, make sure all your relatives know that she is looking at legal action if she doesn't stop it and also get an injunction/restraining order.

    As blo*dy awful as it may seem, you need to nail this quickly and completely before she does some serious damage. God forbid, but if she does find out where you work and start sh*t there too, you can go to HR and prove that you have done something concrete about this.


    Document everything and stop her, and do it before it gets totally out of hand. And if you won't do it for yourself, do it for the charity you volunteer for because I'll wager that she's slagging them off too, for not instantly sacking you. And in the wrong hands of an unscrupulous journalist.....
    Originally posted by supermezzo

    You are right of course, and the women seems unhinged enough to take it further.
    • Sea Shell
    • By Sea Shell 21st May 19, 2:15 PM
    • 2,054 Posts
    • 3,506 Thanks
    Sea Shell
    Wow, they really aren't from this planet are they??

    You don't need to be specific, but out of interest what sector of charity do you volunteer for? Is it something around Homelessness, or Young Persons? I can (just) see how in your Aunt's warped mind, she thinks that you should take in waifs and strays, if this IS the type of charity work you do. (I seriously don't agree with this, but just trying to think how she might think.)

    Obviously if it is for an Animal Charity, or Health, or Foreign Aid, there is a lot less scope for her to make you out to be the bad guy, with her threats of taking it further.

    Anyway, regardless of that, i'd make sure I get a chance to put my side of the story to my charity handler, and also I would mention it to your works boss, just in case. Forewarned is forearmed and all that.

    But as others have said, it might need to go "legal" now that it's gone this far. Maybe a one-off letter from a solicitor will have the desired effect, or it may just escalate things. Who knows...all bets are off where your family are concerned it would seem!!!

    As someone else mentioned, why not just call her bluff, and make a statement on social media yourself, if you've already got your bosses on side (both charity and work).

    I don't envy your situation, but rest assured, we're on your side and will always be here for you to have a vent to. Good Luck!!
    " That pound I saved yesterday, is a pound I don't have to earn tomorrow " JOB DONE!!
    This should now read "It's time to start digging up those Squirrelled Nuts"!!!
    • Silvertabby
    • By Silvertabby 21st May 19, 3:58 PM
    • 4,358 Posts
    • 6,817 Thanks
    Silvertabby
    Ye gods, of all the possible results I didn't expect this ! Even if you do volunteer for a young persons/homeless charity, wee lass already has a home with auntie - it's just that auntie doesn't live where all the excitement is !

    I agree with Gavin83 (post 186) - and, if your employer has placed auntie's letter on your HR file, insist that a copy of your solicitor's letter is placed with it.

    Chin up and good luck.
    Last edited by Silvertabby; 21-05-2019 at 4:00 PM.
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