Barking mad relatives!

calleyw · 8 May 2019 at 12:29PM

Silvertabby wrote: »

Does remind me a little of my family. When my sister and I were given a bag of sweets each, she would cram hers down as fast as possible, whereas I would have preferred to make mine last. However, as soon as she had eaten her last sweet, she would throw a mega tantrum, because I had sweets and she didn't ('it's not fair!') My mother's way of solving this upset was by making me share my remaining sweets with my sister, thus achieving mum's aim of 'a calm and happy family with no rows or upsets'. Unfortunately, my sister grew up believing that what was hers was hers, and what was mine was also hers - because 'families share'.

OMG!!!! Don't want to disrespect your mother, but that is bad parenting. If that was me I would have licked all the sweets as your sister would not have wanted them after that :rotfl:

I was always taught to share as I had two siblings. I know my mum or dad would not have done that and told my siblings tough you ate them all so no more. And that would be that no matter how much they kicked off. Children need to learn boundaries and can't always have what they want.

Yours

Calley x

Silvertabby · 8 May 2019 at 12:41PM

“ Does remind me a little of my family. When my sister and I were given a bag of sweets each, she would cram hers down as fast as possible, whereas I would have preferred to make mine last. However, as soon as she had eaten her last sweet, she would throw a mega tantrum, because I had sweets and she didn't ('it's not fair!') My mother's way of solving this upset was by making me share my remaining sweets with my sister, thus achieving mum's aim of 'a calm and happy family with no rows or upsets'. Unfortunately, my sister grew up believing that what was hers was hers, and what was mine was also hers - because 'families share'.
Originally posted by Silvertabby

calleyw wrote: »

OMG!!!! Don't want to disrespect your mother, but that is bad parenting. If that was me I would have licked all the sweets as your sister would not have wanted them after that :rotfl:

I was always taught to share as I had two siblings. I know my mum or dad would not have done that and told my siblings tough you ate them all so no more. And that would be that no matter how much they kicked off. Children need to learn boundaries and can't always have what they want.

Yours

Calley x

I wish you'd been around to point that out to my mum then ! Unfortunately, my sister knew that my mum was 'peace at any cost' and played on it.

There was the time I was given a box of chocolate brazils, for Christmas, as they were my favourite sweets. When I came to eat one, I found that the box had been opened and only contained the nuts - no chocolate. My mum was going to take the box back to the shop for a refund, until my sister laughed and said that as she didn't like brazil nuts she had just sucked all the chocolate off. I threw the box of (sucked) nuts into the bin, and got a telling off for 'wasting good food' whereas nothing at all was said to my sister !

calleyw · 8 May 2019 at 12:49PM

Silvertabby wrote: »

I wish you'd been around to point that out to my mum then ! Unfortunately, my sister knew that my mum was 'peace at any cost' and played on it.

There was the time I was given a box of chocolate brazils, for Christmas, as they were my favourite sweets. When I came to eat one, I found that the box had been opened and only contained the nuts - no chocolate. My mum was going to take the box back to the shop for a refund, until my sister laughed and said that as she didn't like brazil nuts she had just sucked all the chocolate off. I threw the box of (sucked) nuts into the bin, and got a telling off for 'wasting good food' whereas nothing at all was said to my sister !

Silvertabby,

That is so awful. I really feel for you.

I was treated differently for being a girl as I have two brothers. But my parents would never have tolerated that sort of behavior from your sister.

Yours

Calley x

Silvertabby · 8 May 2019 at 1:01PM

calleyw wrote: »

Silvertabby,

That is so awful. I really feel for you.

I was treated differently for being a girl as I have two brothers. But my parents would never have tolerated that sort of behavior from your sister.

Yours

Calley x

Thank you Calley. I'm now too old to care, but it does spoil what should have been happy memories of growing up !

P.S. One final memory, so OP can see that it's not just her family... When I was too old to bother about sweets, but long before I met Mr S, another lad who fancied me came round to our house to ask me out for a drink. I wasn't in, but my sister told him that I couldn't go out with him that night, as I was babysitting - however, she was free..... She then accosted me when I got back in saying that X had invited her out for a drink, but she was babysitting - so would I do that for her so she could go on 'her' date ? Once I found out, and told mum what my sister had done, mum just laughed and called her 'enterprising'.

calleyw · 8 May 2019 at 1:17PM

Silvertabby wrote: »

Thank you Calley. I'm now too old to care, but it does spoil what should have been happy memories of growing up !

I know but still sad you had put up with that. And that it does not seemed to have made you bitter about it. Even worse that your mother condoned her behavior as well.

Yours

Calley x

olgadapolga · 8 May 2019 at 1:18PM

Silvertabby wrote: »

Thank you Calley. I'm now too old to care, but it does spoil what should have been happy memories of growing up !

I can so relate to this. My siblings were always favoured over me. I used to get told that the reason I often didn't get a birthday present was because my birthday was at the wrong time of the month and there was no money left from my parents' pay by the time my birthday came around. This always struck me as odd as my sister has the same "date" as me and always got a present. Christmas never seemed to be so problematic either.

It was much the same with school trips/music lessons etc. If my siblings wanted them, they got them. I just stopped asking after a while.

My childhood memories are not the best. Sometimes I feel like asking my parents why I was treated differently but sometimes I think that I really don't want to know. But I suppose that it doesn't matter much anymore.

But that's one of the reasons I always felt that my parents took the wrong baby home from the hospital. That, plus I don't look like any of my family and I'm not like them in any way at all. Maybe I'm an alien . . . . or maybe they are

Sea_Shell · 8 May 2019 at 1:31PM

We've been treated pretty fairly as children, it's as adults it's got skewed!!!

kerri_gt · 8 May 2019 at 7:12PM

calleyw wrote: »

Don't say sorry. It makes it look like you would if you could.

Perhaps OP would if she could - if they were millionaires with a 10 bed mansion and staff (including a nanny) who could look after the baby...'unfortunately' for Aunt and wee lass....OP doesn't

Flugelhorn · 8 May 2019 at 7:53PM

I can totally appreciate how OP feels about writing this letter - all down to family dynamics and repercussions. Not all families are the same.

Mother announced she should go to a relatives funeral, cousin and I were organising the funeral and did not want her to go as we had enough on running about and anyway she would have made it all about herself. I was freaking out dealing with it, when cousin said "just tell her she is not coming"... if only it was so simple!

Different parents / dynamics/ responses to a statement - his would have said "Oh OK", mine would have moaned and complained until they got their way

ska_lover · 8 May 2019 at 8:14PM

Elinore - Seriously?!

It is time to get your big girl pants on! You keep complaining about a situation but not doing anything about it.

I understand family dynamics are strange. I really do. .....but it concerns me Elinore that you think the fall out would be worse than having the niece come to stay for years.

The way you are talking, you are going to end up either feeling so guilty or bullied in to doing this.

We know you are stronger than this, you managed, to deal with it - when the niece was physically present, you put her on the train (and bravo) but I do not understand why you are reluctant to deal with an email. You are strong enough to do this!

Next update, I want to see a cut and paste of the email, a polite and firm 'no'

Please. do it

Barking mad relatives!

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