Your browser isn't supported
It looks like you're using an old web browser. To get the most out of the site and to ensure guides display correctly, we suggest upgrading your browser now. Download the latest:

Welcome to the MSE Forums

We're home to a fantastic community of MoneySavers but anyone can post. Please exercise caution & report spam, illegal, offensive or libellous posts/messages: click "report" or email forumteam@.

Search
  • FIRST POST
    • choille
    • By choille 9th Feb 19, 8:44 PM
    • 6,806Posts
    • 32,074Thanks
    choille
    Hospital Appointment Transport
    • #1
    • 9th Feb 19, 8:44 PM
    Hospital Appointment Transport 9th Feb 19 at 8:44 PM
    My elderly ex neighbour is now in a (very expensive to my mind) care home.

    I visit her on average once a week. It's quite a distance away but she has no relatives within travelling distance.

    It seems she has some hospital appointments coming up and the under manager of the home tried to get me to agree to taking her there. I don't drive but my OH does. It would mean us leaving before 6 am to go and pick her up and take her there - all in all a distance of roughly 200 miles return. It will be quite a long day. This time of year the roads can be icy here & over run with deer. I just don't think we can do it.

    Now, she is paying approx £1,000 a week. The care home is now run by the NHS. I would have thought that they should really provide her with transportation there and back. I felt quite mean saying that we couldn't do it but we really can't with all our other commitments.

    Does anyone know if this sounds reasonable as I feel quite bad about this. The pressure was put on in front of the elderly lady and she seemed to feel like a nuisance now. I do feel guilty but I think I should have been summoned into an office or somewhere private to be asked this and not in a public area where others were present - am I being silly? Petty?
Page 2
    • choille
    • By choille 10th Feb 19, 1:15 PM
    • 6,806 Posts
    • 32,074 Thanks
    choille
    I'm totally with you, out of order to ask in front of people and to push it with you. I even said further up I didn't even take my dad and I was only 90mins away, you shouldn't feel guilty.

    My mountain molehills was aimed at asking the care worker what contraception she was on.... This I don't relate to the problem at all. I personally don't get why you would want to ask (yes I know you didn't suggest it) . I do however understand why the care home would ask if you could take a friend to a hospital appointment. However the moment you said no should have been the end of it.

    I honestly don't think you need ask about there contraception to make a point ....
    Originally posted by 74jax
    Of course I would never ask anyone about contraception they used or any other personal question. I'm not that sort of person.
    • belfastgirl23
    • By belfastgirl23 10th Feb 19, 5:57 PM
    • 7,754 Posts
    • 15,598 Thanks
    belfastgirl23
    It is lovely that you are taking the time to visit this lady once a week given that you are (ex) neighbours and not family. Totally inappopropriate to put you on the spot about taking on more responsibility especially in front of her. A less nice person would just avoid the whole question by not visiting again.

    I think you should speak privately with the home manager and explain that you are not family, you don’t drive, and the best you can do is to visit once a week and you’d appreciate it if they could keep in mind that it’s not appropriate to ask you to take on additional responsibilities, you are doing quite enough. And so you are.

    And be proud of yourself, you are already doing the right thing, do not start to feel you should be doing more. That’s a lot as it is.

    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 10th Feb 19, 6:02 PM
    • 31,154 Posts
    • 79,938 Thanks
    Mojisola
    My elderly ex neighbour is now in a (very expensive to my mind) care home.

    The pressure was put on in front of the elderly lady and she seemed to feel like a nuisance now.
    Originally posted by choille
    Totally inappopropriate to put you on the spot about taking on more responsibility especially in front of her.

    I think you should speak privately with the home manager and explain that you are not family, you donít drive, and the best you can do is to visit once a week and youíd appreciate it if they could keep in mind that itís not appropriate to ask you to take on additional responsibilities, you are doing quite enough. And so you are.
    Originally posted by belfastgirl23
    As well as confirming that you are doing as much as you can by visiting, ask her whether their client would have been made to feel so uncomfortable if a Care Quality Commission inspector had been present - very unlikely!
    • choille
    • By choille 10th Feb 19, 6:06 PM
    • 6,806 Posts
    • 32,074 Thanks
    choille
    Thanks for that. I just do feel sorry for her really but would have thought that with the fess they are getting they would take care of all that side of things and not worry her with it.
    It seems that the chiropodist is ill and they want £30 for someone to cut her toe nails which I also thought was rather strange as I thought that that would be done free on the NHS.
    This is all an eye opener to me.
    • unforeseen
    • By unforeseen 10th Feb 19, 6:14 PM
    • 3,833 Posts
    • 5,083 Thanks
    unforeseen
    Podiatry in most areas is only if referred by a GP now.

    I doubt that routine nail cutting would get referred.
    • 74jax
    • By 74jax 10th Feb 19, 7:01 PM
    • 5,054 Posts
    • 7,103 Thanks
    74jax
    .
    It seems that the chiropodist is ill and they want £30 for someone to cut her toe nails which I also thought was rather strange as I thought that that would be done free on the NHS.
    This is all an eye opener to me.
    Originally posted by choille
    I totally agree

    We pay 26 a month for a chiropodist, we also have to pay separately for mum to have her hair washed and dried - even though they bath her.... Apparently 'styling' isn't part of bathing, which I agree to a point, but she's 85 and isn't exactly wanting a 'do' to go clubbing..

    If she gets ingrown toenails I think that will be dealt with on the NHS but obviously it's not nice to get to that point.
    Forty and fabulous, well that's what my cards say....
    • Kim kim
    • By Kim kim 10th Feb 19, 7:01 PM
    • 2,749 Posts
    • 3,966 Thanks
    Kim kim
    I'm totally with you, out of order to ask in front of people and to push it with you. I even said further up I didn't even take my dad and I was only 90mins away, you shouldn't feel guilty.

    My mountain molehills was aimed at asking the care worker what contraception she was on.... This I don't relate to the problem at all. I personally don't get why you would want to ask (yes I know you didn't suggest it) . I do however understand why the care home would ask if you could take a friend to a hospital appointment. However the moment you said no should have been the end of it.

    I honestly don't think you need ask about there contraception to make a point ....
    Originally posted by 74jax
    Iím sure that was never really serious.
    It was just making a point about privacy, which the care home seem to need a refresher in.
    • choille
    • By choille 10th Feb 19, 7:14 PM
    • 6,806 Posts
    • 32,074 Thanks
    choille
    I totally agree

    We pay 26 a month for a chiropodist, we also have to pay separately for mum to have her hair washed and dried - even though they bath her.... Apparently 'styling' isn't part of bathing, which I agree to a point, but she's 85 and isn't exactly wanting a 'do' to go clubbing..

    If she gets ingrown toenails I think that will be dealt with on the NHS but obviously it's not nice to get to that point.
    Originally posted by 74jax
    Goodness. The ex neighbour is in her early 90s and can't bend to cut her own toe nails. I'm shocked that it's like this for you with your Mum.
    She also has someone wash & blow dry her hair & that's another £30 - she doesn't take long as ex neighbour doesn't have a lot of hair really
    • Savvy_Sue
    • By Savvy_Sue 10th Feb 19, 9:07 PM
    • 39,895 Posts
    • 37,149 Thanks
    Savvy_Sue
    I didn't take my dad to his appointments and he was only 1.5hrs away. And I drive.
    Originally posted by 74jax
    Actually we nearly had a problem when Dad was getting hospital transport to his appointments and one of us was SOMETIMES able to meet him there and then take him home, thus removing the need for him to sit and wait at the hospital after his appointment and then spend a couple of hours going the scenic route home - he'd usually be one of the last to be dropped off.

    He was told that if he could get a lift home, then he shouldn't be asking for hospital transport to get there. Ever. Even if it was only one occasion when one of us was able to do this for him.

    I had words with PALS, and that was the end of that.

    It seems that the chiropodist is ill and they want £30 for someone to cut her toe nails which I also thought was rather strange as I thought that that would be done free on the NHS.
    Originally posted by choille
    There's limited access to NHS podiatry these days, and domiciliary services probably cut to the bone. Although why the home are mentioning these things to you - is it the home? see below ...

    This is all an eye opener to me.
    Originally posted by choille
    I get the impression - perhaps wrongly - that she has family, just not locally. Unless you've been appointed as her attorney - which you'd surely have mentioned by now - then I would 'encourage' the care home to speak to her relatives about financial matters, and 'discourage' them from mentioning them to you.

    Also I don't know if you have any contact with her family, and if they or she would welcome you letting them know how she's getting on?

    but if either she or the home have any concerns about paying for additional services, you're not really the appropriate person to raise them with ...
    Still knitting!
    Completed: 1 adult cardigan, 3 baby jumpers, 3 shawls, 1 sweat band, 3 pairs baby bootees,
    1 Wise Man Knitivity figure + 1 sheep, 2 pairs socks, 2 hats, 2 balaclavas for seamen, 1 balaclava for myself, multiple poppies, 3 peony flowers, 4 butterflies ...
    Current projects: ready to decrease / decreasing on all parts of the mohair cardigan pattern! but moved onto wrist warmers for friends at Christmas ...
    • choille
    • By choille 10th Feb 19, 9:32 PM
    • 6,806 Posts
    • 32,074 Thanks
    choille
    It's the lady herself who is mentioning the costs & lack of chiropodist to me.
    • elsien
    • By elsien 10th Feb 19, 10:29 PM
    • 19,356 Posts
    • 49,136 Thanks
    elsien
    Chiropody on the NHS is only for those where there is a clear medical need such as diabetes or (in some circumstances) circulation issues, etc. Care staff are told not to do it themselves because of liability if something goes wrong. Not being able to reach your feet is a social care not a medical need so doesn't qualify you for free foot care - nothing to do with being a self funder.
    This is also the same for longer stay patients in hospital where families would be asked to pay for chiropody. I was unable to get a proper answer from ward staff as to what they would do for patients who didn't have family to sort it.
    Last edited by elsien; 11-02-2019 at 7:07 AM.
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
    • choille
    • By choille 10th Feb 19, 10:54 PM
    • 6,806 Posts
    • 32,074 Thanks
    choille
    Goodness knows what will happen if I need care when I get on a bit as I wouldn't be able to afford it - It is quite worrying all of this.

    I do find it a tad depressing - going to visit but I have known her for about 20 years and feel I should as I don't think she has any other visitors.
    • Savvy_Sue
    • By Savvy_Sue 11th Feb 19, 12:18 PM
    • 39,895 Posts
    • 37,149 Thanks
    Savvy_Sue
    It's the lady herself who is mentioning the costs & lack of chiropodist to me.
    Originally posted by choille
    I'd encourage her to talk to her family about these things: even if they are not able to visit they will hopefully want to keep in touch and ensure she is getting the care that she needs.
    Still knitting!
    Completed: 1 adult cardigan, 3 baby jumpers, 3 shawls, 1 sweat band, 3 pairs baby bootees,
    1 Wise Man Knitivity figure + 1 sheep, 2 pairs socks, 2 hats, 2 balaclavas for seamen, 1 balaclava for myself, multiple poppies, 3 peony flowers, 4 butterflies ...
    Current projects: ready to decrease / decreasing on all parts of the mohair cardigan pattern! but moved onto wrist warmers for friends at Christmas ...
    • GreenQueen
    • By GreenQueen 11th Feb 19, 12:35 PM
    • 419 Posts
    • 1,940 Thanks
    GreenQueen
    Just wondered, did you make sure that the care home staff know you are an ex-neighbour. If you are her only visitor, could they think you are a relative?
    A Clutter Free Life - 2019 in 2019 - 319/2019
    Boost your income (34) - £2019 in 2019 - £73/£2019
    ...I figure it's taken a long time to accumulate all this carp so it'll take a while to get rid of it too.
    Originally posted by Ginmonster
    • choille
    • By choille 11th Feb 19, 2:13 PM
    • 6,806 Posts
    • 32,074 Thanks
    choille
    Just wondered, did you make sure that the care home staff know you are an ex-neighbour. If you are her only visitor, could they think you are a relative?
    Originally posted by GreenQueen
    They know. They also know her only living relative is not interested and lives a few hundred miles away and didn't go to the ladies late husband's funeral.
    It's quite sad really.
    • GreenQueen
    • By GreenQueen 11th Feb 19, 2:28 PM
    • 419 Posts
    • 1,940 Thanks
    GreenQueen
    They know. They also know her only living relative is not interested and lives a few hundred miles away and didn't go to the ladies late husband's funeral.
    It's quite sad really.
    Originally posted by choille
    That is so sad. Very kind of you, Choille, to visit her. However it is NOT your responsibility to pick up the slack from her relative or the care home, however much pressure is put on you to make you feel guilty. You are already doing more than many others would (or are).
    A Clutter Free Life - 2019 in 2019 - 319/2019
    Boost your income (34) - £2019 in 2019 - £73/£2019
    ...I figure it's taken a long time to accumulate all this carp so it'll take a while to get rid of it too.
    Originally posted by Ginmonster
    • dawyldthing
    • By dawyldthing 11th Feb 19, 10:54 PM
    • 3,379 Posts
    • 3,334 Thanks
    dawyldthing
    No itís not petty. Iíll tell you why theyíve done it (not read it all yet so someone else might have) but they pay x towards the accommodation and staffing between them. When they have appointments/ days out theyíll have to pay one to one care at around £15 an hour ish.

    So the care home is guilt tripping you into it as they might not want to pay the one to one, or if they have to bill the lady they often then have to go through the social worker so it can be authorised. So itís why they will do it. Plus the lady will prob have to pay a taxi or transport. But there should be a bit of give for appointments or they should be able to say they canít get there and try and either get home visits or appointments closer
    to the lil one
    • dawyldthing
    • By dawyldthing 11th Feb 19, 11:01 PM
    • 3,379 Posts
    • 3,334 Thanks
    dawyldthing
    Thanks for that. I just do feel sorry for her really but would have thought that with the fess they are getting they would take care of all that side of things and not worry her with it.
    It seems that the chiropodist is ill and they want £30 for someone to cut her toe nails which I also thought was rather strange as I thought that that would be done free on the NHS.
    This is all an eye opener to me.
    Originally posted by choille
    Iíve got a diabetic friend and even he has to get his wife to do his now. Theyíve scaled all stuff like this right back. £30 seems excessive mind
    to the lil one
    • unforeseen
    • By unforeseen 12th Feb 19, 4:37 AM
    • 3,833 Posts
    • 5,083 Thanks
    unforeseen
    pay one to one care at around £15 an hour ish.
    Originally posted by dawyldthing
    You've never worked in a care home. Try NMW or possibly £1.50 above that an hour for a senior carer.

    They may charge £15 p/h but they don't pay it.
    • pollypenny
    • By pollypenny 12th Feb 19, 7:34 AM
    • 26,233 Posts
    • 69,344 Thanks
    pollypenny
    [QUOTE=74jax;75443925]I think that is ridiculous. Why would she do that, its of no interest to her...


    No need to ask what contraception they use.... Ridiculous.

    QUOTE]



    Serious irony failure here!
    Member #14 of SKI-ers club

    Words, words, they're all we have to go by!.

    (Pity they are mangled by this autocorrect!)
Welcome to our new Forum!

Our aim is to save you money quickly and easily. We hope you like it!

Forum Team Contact us

Live Stats

97Posts Today

1,250Users online

Martin's Twitter