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    • MSE Kelvin
    • By MSE Kelvin 7th May 19, 4:00 PM
    • 79Posts
    • 194Thanks
    MSE Kelvin
    Money Moral Dilemma: Should my husband pay more towards bills while I'm on maternity leave?
    • #1
    • 7th May 19, 4:00 PM
    Money Moral Dilemma: Should my husband pay more towards bills while I'm on maternity leave? 7th May 19 at 4:00 PM
    This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

    My husband and I have had a baby - it was planned and I am taking a year off work. I knew my maternity pay would be poor so I saved £23,000 from my own salary to cushion the blow. My husband and I still pay exactly the same towards the mortgage and bills, but I'm now digging deep into my savings. I know I'm having the time off, but it's my husband's baby too - should he be paying more while I'm on maternity leave?

    Unfortunately the MSE team can't always answer money moral dilemma questions as contributions are often emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be enjoyed as a point of debate and discussed at face value.

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Page 5
    • onwards&upwards
    • By onwards&upwards 9th May 19, 6:16 PM
    • 1,171 Posts
    • 2,362 Thanks
    onwards&upwards
    As I actually said "regardless of circumstances if both parties agree and are happy with the arrangement"

    Clearly, there are going to be situations where it may have to be re-evaluated because of a major change. And then in a grown up, trusting and honest relationship you have an open conversation about how to deal with it.

    The sticking doggedly on this thread seems to me to come from those who refuse to believe there is a different way of dealing with the finances than how it works for them

    The MSE Stepford Wives/husbands/partners if you like :)
    Originally posted by NeilCr
    Why resort to insults?

    You said it 50/50 can work in all circumstances, now you’ve admitted it can’t but chucked in a snide comment too for some reason when you know nothing of my situation, I don’t even live with my partner and have no plans to share finances!
    • NeilCr
    • By NeilCr 9th May 19, 6:38 PM
    • 3,440 Posts
    • 5,323 Thanks
    NeilCr
    Why resort to insults?

    You said it 50/50 can work in all circumstances, now youíve admitted it canít but chucked in a snide comment too for some reason when you know nothing of my situation, I donít even live with my partner and have no plans to share finances!
    Originally posted by onwards&upwards
    Nope. I said "regardless of circumstances if both parties agree and are happy with the arrangement"

    If something major happens as you've described the above is likely not to still be the case and they will then have to have the conversation.,

    I am sorry you felt insulted. It was meant to be light hearted which was why I put the smilies in. But, I stand by my comment that there are different ways of dealing with finances which suit different couples. And, there is no "best way" only what works for the people involved

    ETA.

    I am more than happy to remove the comment if it helps. I have no desire to be seen to be insulting people even if it wasn't the intention.
    Last edited by NeilCr; 09-05-2019 at 6:57 PM.
    • BSW89
    • By BSW89 9th May 19, 6:57 PM
    • 43 Posts
    • 15 Thanks
    BSW89
    I donít think thereís a right or wrong way to organise your finances, everyoneís situation and views are different. We obviously donít know all the details here, but on the face of it it sounds ridiculously unfair. The simple fact is that itís his child too and he should be contributing to that! It sounds like heís just carrying on as he did before.

    I hope shares parental leave was considered.

    I think the fact the money has been saved is irrelevant. Maybe the wife scrimped for years to save that whilst the husband lived a life of luxury.. we donít know. The fact itís been saved doesnít automatically mean itís the right way to spend it.
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 9th May 19, 8:29 PM
    • 31,564 Posts
    • 80,908 Thanks
    Mojisola
    My husband and I have had a baby - it was planned and I am taking a year off work. I knew my maternity pay would be poor so I saved £23,000 from my own salary to cushion the blow.

    My husband and I still pay exactly the same towards the mortgage and bills, but I'm now digging deep into my savings. I know I'm having the time off, but it's my husband's baby too - should he be paying more while I'm on maternity leave?
    Originally posted by MSE Kelvin
    The simple fact is that itís his child too and he should be contributing to that! It sounds like heís just carrying on as he did before.

    I hope shares parental leave was considered.

    I think the fact the money has been saved is irrelevant.
    Originally posted by BSW89
    That's what struck me - they didn't both save to cover the bills during the maternity leave - only the mother did.

    So father had his full salary for all that time and is still only covering half the bills now!

    The child doesn't only have one parent but it's only one parent who is giving up a salary, possible opportunities at work and contributions to a pension while the other is acting like a single person with no responsibilities.
    • Ebenezer_Screwj
    • By Ebenezer_Screwj 16th May 19, 5:09 PM
    • 437 Posts
    • 231 Thanks
    Ebenezer_Screwj
    Have you not discussed this between the two of you? If you cannot afford to have a child you are stuck with this for the next 20 years - maybe more.
    • Honeysucklelou2
    • By Honeysucklelou2 18th May 19, 2:00 AM
    • 2,006 Posts
    • 10,481 Thanks
    Honeysucklelou2
    Please discuss with your husband asap. I have been in a situation where I'd been paying half the mortgage and household bills, which started off being 50:50 for electricity and water ( he contributed none towards council tax or phone or insurance, childcare etc ) One day he decided to stop contributing to electricity and water and I ended up getting into debt trying to pay all the bills and half the mortgage just from a low wage. Finding out later that he had built up savings in an account I knew nothing about while I was struggling to buy food for the family was truly shocking. Needless to say we are no longer together.
    Last edited by Honeysucklelou2; 18-05-2019 at 6:32 AM.
    paydbx2019 #93 £1091.17/£10,100 .
    EF £80

    # savings# £11
    • theshed
    • By theshed 7th Jul 19, 8:38 PM
    • 82 Posts
    • 12 Thanks
    theshed
    We where never in a position to save such an amount but our earning where Ours.
    Over the years one or other has earned more and that is just the way it is.
    My wife's salary is paid into my account and I pay the bills, but that is because I manage it better. I am afraid you really should not be having this conversation, your savings should be supplementing income and paying for any extra's and your husbands wage should be in the family 'pot'.
    hope it works out for you.
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