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  • FIRST POST
    • Elinore
    • By Elinore 26th Mar 19, 5:20 AM
    • 214Posts
    • 758Thanks
    Elinore
    Barking mad relatives!
    • #1
    • 26th Mar 19, 5:20 AM
    Barking mad relatives! 26th Mar 19 at 5:20 AM
    I have a family of two sides. My fathers are small loose knit, withdrawn, bookish gentle and reserved. My mothers family is huge, bright, loud, heavily, interconnected and dotty.

    Just a bit of background, just to give an idea of how this all came about - I moved away quite some time ago and live just outside London. I was honoured in my field recently at an awards ceremony and my mother and one of her sisters came down for the event. It never occurred to me that it was the first time any of the family outside of my mother have seen, or known where I live for nigh on 20 years.

    Saturday just gone i am puttering ready for bed and the doorbell goes. open the door to a very young lass, wheelie case with a toddler on her hip.

    Apparently my Aunt, in her infinite wisdom has decided that my 'huge'* house has room for her daughter! didn't ask, didn't check just put the girl on a National Express and let her travel all day to my door. (it's not huge! we just have a spare space which with large families or several generations all living together never happens) which I also happen to have our lovely mon/fri lodger living in!

    The young mum has aspirations for modelling and being close to London is key - Family do these things for the family I was told.

    Following day first thing I drove the wee lass to the train station, paid for a ticket (after buying her lunch and some bits for the babby) and sent her straight back, poor kid.

    Who does that! who?

    I've not heard a peep since! (apart from a message from the poor lass to confirm she was home safe)

    Families!
    Last edited by Elinore; 26-03-2019 at 5:23 AM.
Page 1
    • Doodles
    • By Doodles 26th Mar 19, 5:47 AM
    • 334 Posts
    • 606 Thanks
    Doodles
    • #2
    • 26th Mar 19, 5:47 AM
    • #2
    • 26th Mar 19, 5:47 AM
    I would have got onto the Aunt after you had dropped the girl back and given her a piece of my mind! Did you?
    We are in Transylvania, and Transylvania is not England. Our ways are not your ways, and there shall be to you many strange things.

    Dracula, Bram Stoker
    • Nicki
    • By Nicki 26th Mar 19, 5:52 AM
    • 7,850 Posts
    • 27,978 Thanks
    Nicki
    • #3
    • 26th Mar 19, 5:52 AM
    • #3
    • 26th Mar 19, 5:52 AM
    Let me hazard a guess that you are successful in your career and more affluent than auntie’s family. And that she is likely now to be dissing you to all and sundry as snooty and too big for your boots.

    I feel your pain....
    • chesky
    • By chesky 26th Mar 19, 6:04 AM
    • 1,153 Posts
    • 1,992 Thanks
    chesky
    • #4
    • 26th Mar 19, 6:04 AM
    • #4
    • 26th Mar 19, 6:04 AM
    I guess you'll have to survive the next 20 years as best you can without hearing from them again.
    • Elinore
    • By Elinore 26th Mar 19, 6:05 AM
    • 214 Posts
    • 758 Thanks
    Elinore
    • #5
    • 26th Mar 19, 6:05 AM
    • #5
    • 26th Mar 19, 6:05 AM
    I wish, Nikki.

    Me and the OH have a very simple low key life. We are not high flyers, so wouldn't be considered successful or affluent by normal standards - but we do work hard and have a very modest income - but we maximise it by coming here to MSE and saving hard.

    The ceremony was bit posh, yes. However, it did relate to voluntary work rather than my career.

    Doodles, she didn't answer the phone and sent her a message which has remained unread.

    I bet there are fireworks going off, I FEEL a seismic event coming.....
    • Elinore
    • By Elinore 26th Mar 19, 6:09 AM
    • 214 Posts
    • 758 Thanks
    Elinore
    • #6
    • 26th Mar 19, 6:09 AM
    • #6
    • 26th Mar 19, 6:09 AM
    Chesky, that would be nice - but large 'all up in everyones business' families don't work that way.

    I stay as far out of their shenanigans as possible and walk the tight rope really well to keep all their drama at arms distance - but when my Mum suddenly announced my Aunt was coming to the event as her plus one I should have realised it was opening a door.

    Hindsight is a wonderful thing.
    Last edited by Elinore; 26-03-2019 at 6:13 AM.
    • ScarletRibbons
    • By ScarletRibbons 26th Mar 19, 6:47 AM
    • 630 Posts
    • 8,797 Thanks
    ScarletRibbons
    • #7
    • 26th Mar 19, 6:47 AM
    • #7
    • 26th Mar 19, 6:47 AM
    Who was going to look after the baby while the young girl was starting her "career", and who's told her she can be a model? What a strange thing to do, just turn up like that.
    • AnotherJoe
    • By AnotherJoe 26th Mar 19, 6:51 AM
    • 14,607 Posts
    • 17,430 Thanks
    AnotherJoe
    • #8
    • 26th Mar 19, 6:51 AM
    • #8
    • 26th Mar 19, 6:51 AM
    Why only blame the aunt unless she flat out lied to her daughter and said you'd agreed?
    The "wee young lass" is an adult, a mother, and perfectly capable of making her own decisions to sponge off relatives and rely on them being too polite or timid to say no.
    Anyway, good on you for not being a doormat.
    P.s as pointed out by SR, mums also expecting you to look after toddler, that surely is something she would have established before coming down and make it likely she was equally culpable in this cunning plan.
    Last edited by AnotherJoe; 26-03-2019 at 6:53 AM.
    • warby68
    • By warby68 26th Mar 19, 6:58 AM
    • 1,181 Posts
    • 10,366 Thanks
    warby68
    • #9
    • 26th Mar 19, 6:58 AM
    • #9
    • 26th Mar 19, 6:58 AM
    I agree with 'barking mad' but I also remember your thread from last year about the caravan windfall and you being held responsible and some wedding 'disinvitations'.

    I think 20 years and 200 miles is not quite far enough lol
    • onomatopoeia99
    • By onomatopoeia99 26th Mar 19, 7:01 AM
    • 5,587 Posts
    • 12,878 Thanks
    onomatopoeia99
    Saturday just gone i am puttering ready for bed and the doorbell goes. open the door to a very young lass, wheelie case with a toddler on her hip.
    Originally posted by Elinore
    My niece is a very young lass. She's seven. Sounds like you had an adult woman turn up on your doorstep.
    INTP, nerd, libertarian and scifi geek. Home is where my books are.

    5.2kWp system, SE facing, >1% shading, installed March 2019.
    • NBLondon
    • By NBLondon 26th Mar 19, 8:13 AM
    • 2,784 Posts
    • 13,639 Thanks
    NBLondon
    It's all relative (pun not intended) - a 19 year old could be "a very young lass" compared to the OP.

    I'm in a milder form of it in that my family is distant but m'wife's mob are more rumbunctuous - however it's the other way around - more likely to offer/arrange excessive help than to just turn up and demand it. So I agree that the OP might be better off at a distance - even though it may mean friction with Mum.
    "I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered."
    • charlotte1994
    • By charlotte1994 26th Mar 19, 8:18 AM
    • 818 Posts
    • 1,669 Thanks
    charlotte1994
    That is nuts!!! The aunt must have lied, I'm sure that most people wouldn't just turn up on someone else's doorstep?
    Very strange! Also well done you for the honour in you field :-)
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 26th Mar 19, 8:40 AM
    • 22,618 Posts
    • 61,195 Thanks
    Pollycat
    Elinore
    I remember your previous threads about various family issues.

    I disagree with your thread title:
    Barking mad relatives!
    Your Aunt is not 'barking mad'.
    She is a rude, thoughtless, presumptuous person.

    Family do these things for the family I was told.
    Originally posted by Elinore
    Who told you this and when?
    And what was your response?
    • DigForVictory
    • By DigForVictory 26th Mar 19, 9:05 AM
    • 9,469 Posts
    • 31,748 Thanks
    DigForVictory
    Dear heavens! I thought my lot of (cherished but at a 200 mile distance) eccentrics were a bit of a handful.

    Family do indeed do things for family but usually by negotiation as force majeure can cause Issues that last for generations.

    Rousing congratulations, keep enjoying the volunteer stuff & have you considered a camera so you can see if you recognise the caller before opening the door?! (Very well played ensuring young lady & child were equipped with all essentials & that they had returned safely.)
    • Brighton belle
    • By Brighton belle 26th Mar 19, 9:13 AM
    • 5,138 Posts
    • 25,421 Thanks
    Brighton belle
    What a relief to actually read someone on here not spend weeks hand wringing and putting up with the visitor as they made free with your home, food, and handy baby sitting availability. I practically cheered when I read you put her on a train the next day.
    I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once
    • chesky
    • By chesky 26th Mar 19, 10:32 AM
    • 1,153 Posts
    • 1,992 Thanks
    chesky
    Short of arriving en masses and invading your home, I'm not really sure what they can actually do. Block them from Facebook or whatever, put the phone down or block their calls and buy your mum a great Mother's Day present, as she's going to catch the flack.
    • ttoli
    • By ttoli 26th Mar 19, 10:45 AM
    • 770 Posts
    • 536 Thanks
    ttoli
    I had something very similar after I lost my Parents and so had the house to myself , long lost family turned up as they'd made themselves homeless due to their darling sons drug dealing , I lasted a week before asking them to leave, have not heard a peep from them since then.
    • Silvertabby
    • By Silvertabby 26th Mar 19, 11:36 AM
    • 4,280 Posts
    • 6,661 Thanks
    Silvertabby
    Families ! When we moved from Armed Forces married quarters into our own home (edge of a National Park) one of my aunts rubbed her hands together and said 'ooh - lovely - free holidays!'
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 26th Mar 19, 12:11 PM
    • 22,618 Posts
    • 61,195 Thanks
    Pollycat
    Families ! When we moved from Armed Forces married quarters into our own home (edge of a National Park) one of my aunts rubbed her hands together and said 'ooh - lovely - free holidays!'
    Originally posted by Silvertabby
    And I'm sure you disabused her of that notion.
    What was her reaction?
    • ouraggie
    • By ouraggie 26th Mar 19, 2:37 PM
    • 104 Posts
    • 207 Thanks
    ouraggie
    Well done,OP. I am gobsmacked that the aunt and niece thought that was ok.

    We own a holiday home in Spain that my brothers and the rest of the family know nothing about, otherwise I know they would expect me to lend it free to them or my nieces (with their kids and mates) for a fortnight. If they ever saw it i know they would be full of sarcastic digs about the decor, furniture, lack of satellite TV/pool/nightclubs and other stuff that they would consider essential. But we love it.
    I bet they could afford a much bigger and better villa themselves.....if they didn't waste money left right and centre on buying the latest TVs, phones, etc.

    However, they are still family and I would help them out if I was asked. I guess you weren't asked, merely expected. That makes it different. Well done for sending the niece back.
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