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  • FIRST POST
    • Buggins
    • By Buggins 25th Jan 18, 7:49 PM
    • 324Posts
    • 243Thanks
    Buggins
    Self help thread. I am a widow coping getting on with it
    • #1
    • 25th Jan 18, 7:49 PM
    Self help thread. I am a widow coping getting on with it 25th Jan 18 at 7:49 PM
    Just wanted to put this thread on to replace the missing one. Worried that some people who have been following the old thread might really need it sometime and won't get the support they need/want. It has, and still does, help me.
Page 1
    • pollypenny
    • By pollypenny 26th Jan 18, 7:38 AM
    • 26,132 Posts
    • 69,124 Thanks
    pollypenny
    • #2
    • 26th Jan 18, 7:38 AM
    • #2
    • 26th Jan 18, 7:38 AM
    Good move, Buggins.
    Member #14 of SKI-ers club

    Words, words, they're all we have to go by!.

    (Pity they are mangled by this autocorrect!)
    • jaybee
    • By jaybee 26th Jan 18, 8:10 AM
    • 1,418 Posts
    • 2,676 Thanks
    jaybee
    • #3
    • 26th Jan 18, 8:10 AM
    • #3
    • 26th Jan 18, 8:10 AM
    Thank you for starting the new thread.

    There was so much help and support on the 'old' one that I used to return to often so it will be very much missed.
    • warby68
    • By warby68 26th Jan 18, 8:13 AM
    • 1,181 Posts
    • 10,363 Thanks
    warby68
    • #4
    • 26th Jan 18, 8:13 AM
    • #4
    • 26th Jan 18, 8:13 AM
    What is going on with disappearing threads? This is one of many it seems
    • Torry Quine
    • By Torry Quine 26th Jan 18, 8:24 AM
    • 17,252 Posts
    • 26,860 Thanks
    Torry Quine
    • #5
    • 26th Jan 18, 8:24 AM
    • #5
    • 26th Jan 18, 8:24 AM
    My husband died totally out of the blue on Monday.
    Lost my soulmate so life is empty.

    I can bear pain myself, he said softly, but I couldna bear yours. That would take more strength than I have -
    Diana Gabaldon, Outlander
    • thepurplepixie
    • By thepurplepixie 26th Jan 18, 8:57 AM
    • 1,017 Posts
    • 1,876 Thanks
    thepurplepixie
    • #6
    • 26th Jan 18, 8:57 AM
    • #6
    • 26th Jan 18, 8:57 AM
    Torry I am so sorry, I hope you have some support. It must have been a terrible shock.
    • joansgirl
    • By joansgirl 26th Jan 18, 11:08 AM
    • 15,207 Posts
    • 58,479 Thanks
    joansgirl
    • #7
    • 26th Jan 18, 11:08 AM
    • #7
    • 26th Jan 18, 11:08 AM
    What is going on with disappearing threads? This is one of many it seems
    Originally posted by warby68
    The official line is...the spam button is getting accidentally pressed (easy enough on a phone or tablet I suppose) and once there are x amount of spam reports the spam bot deletes the thread forever.
    Some people only exist as examples of what to avoid...
    .
    • joansgirl
    • By joansgirl 26th Jan 18, 11:09 AM
    • 15,207 Posts
    • 58,479 Thanks
    joansgirl
    • #8
    • 26th Jan 18, 11:09 AM
    • #8
    • 26th Jan 18, 11:09 AM
    My husband died totally out of the blue on Monday.
    Originally posted by Torry Quine
    I am so sorry Torry.
    Some people only exist as examples of what to avoid...
    .
    • kittie
    • By kittie 26th Jan 18, 12:16 PM
    • 12,444 Posts
    • 79,058 Thanks
    kittie
    • #9
    • 26th Jan 18, 12:16 PM
    • #9
    • 26th Jan 18, 12:16 PM
    I am so sorry Torry. I can empathise, mine died very suddenly too, out cycling and the first I knew was when he was a little late and then a policeman came to the door. I remember seeing the air ambulance as it went overhead, I wondered at the time who was in it.

    I don`t come on this thread very often now but it was a life saver at the time. I remember sitting in the registrars office and I remember hearing very loud heart beats when I lay down at night, I thought that it was the end of my life but a few people gave me hope. Almost three years on and I have learnt to live on my own and now look forward to the future

    All I can say right now is that it does get better, in time

    Right now, number one thing to do is to take as best care of yourself as you can
    • Buggins
    • By Buggins 26th Jan 18, 5:01 PM
    • 324 Posts
    • 243 Thanks
    Buggins
    So very sorry Torry. I second all that Kittie has said. Please just ask - we might know the answer or have experience unfortunately.
    • pollypenny
    • By pollypenny 26th Jan 18, 5:03 PM
    • 26,132 Posts
    • 69,124 Thanks
    pollypenny
    Oh, Torry, that’s so sad. Wish I had words to help, but there are none.
    Member #14 of SKI-ers club

    Words, words, they're all we have to go by!.

    (Pity they are mangled by this autocorrect!)
    • mum2one
    • By mum2one 26th Jan 18, 6:35 PM
    • 16,154 Posts
    • 60,024 Thanks
    mum2one
    Torry, so sorry for your loss x
    Tackling the debt free life one day at a time xx
    RIP Dad, - Always love you, - He was 1 in a million xx
    • Torry Quine
    • By Torry Quine 26th Jan 18, 6:44 PM
    • 17,252 Posts
    • 26,860 Thanks
    Torry Quine
    Thanks for the kind words.
    Lost my soulmate so life is empty.

    I can bear pain myself, he said softly, but I couldna bear yours. That would take more strength than I have -
    Diana Gabaldon, Outlander
    • itsanne
    • By itsanne 26th Jan 18, 9:32 PM
    • 4,521 Posts
    • 10,666 Thanks
    itsanne
    Torry, I'll post here rather than on the other thread again.

    What you are experiencing is harder than it's possible to imagine before being in the situation. I thought I knew what it would be like if/when OH died - but I hadn't a clue. However, though it won't feel like it right now, it will gradually become ... not "better", but more manageable. This time last year, I couldn't envisage travelling to the US on my own to meet up with friends, but despite a major wobble on the way to the airport I am here, and though I miss OH all the time and would give anything for him to be here too I am enjoying it.

    In the meantime, everything you feel, everything you do, is normal. When you think you're going mad - you aren't.

    For now, try to eat even though you don't feel like it. Accept any help offered, including from your church even though you're angry with God.
    . . .I did not speak out

    Then they came for me
    And there was no one left
    To speak out for me..

    Martin Niemoller
    • wort
    • By wort 27th Jan 18, 9:29 PM
    • 970 Posts
    • 11,621 Thanks
    wort
    Hugs Torry, you will be in shock for much longer than you think, so be gentle with yourself.
    I hope you have friends or family who will help you and support, this thread is very helpful if you just want to vent or discuss your feelings.
    Don't forget your Dr can put you in touch with a counsellor, you won't feel like it yet but it's helpful to speak to someone.
    Focus on contribution instead of the impressiveness of consumption to see the true beauty in people.
    • Elona
    • By Elona 29th Jan 18, 4:02 PM
    • 346 Posts
    • 3,550 Thanks
    Elona
    Torry

    I am so sorry for your loss. I have been locked out of mse for a few days as I changed my e mail
    so have just created a new account.

    Hugs to all.
    • seven-day-weekend
    • By seven-day-weekend 30th Jan 18, 12:55 PM
    • 32,676 Posts
    • 64,832 Thanks
    seven-day-weekend
    My husband died totally out of the blue on Monday.
    Originally posted by Torry Quine
    Torry, I didn't say this on the other thread, but I have prayed for you and will continue to do so xx
    Member #10 of 2 savers club
    Imagine someone holding forth on biology whose only knowledge of the subject is the Book of British Birds, and you have a rough idea of what it feels like to read Richard Dawkins on theology: Terry Eagleton
    • Torry Quine
    • By Torry Quine 30th Jan 18, 3:02 PM
    • 17,252 Posts
    • 26,860 Thanks
    Torry Quine
    Today I went to see him, it doesn't look like him. He's so cold
    Lost my soulmate so life is empty.

    I can bear pain myself, he said softly, but I couldna bear yours. That would take more strength than I have -
    Diana Gabaldon, Outlander
    • seven-day-weekend
    • By seven-day-weekend 30th Jan 18, 3:03 PM
    • 32,676 Posts
    • 64,832 Thanks
    seven-day-weekend
    Today I went to see him, it doesn't look like him. He's so cold
    Originally posted by Torry Quine
    oh.... how upsetting for you
    Member #10 of 2 savers club
    Imagine someone holding forth on biology whose only knowledge of the subject is the Book of British Birds, and you have a rough idea of what it feels like to read Richard Dawkins on theology: Terry Eagleton
    • thepurplepixie
    • By thepurplepixie 31st Jan 18, 3:33 PM
    • 1,017 Posts
    • 1,876 Thanks
    thepurplepixie
    Torry

    I am so sorry for your loss. I have been locked out of mse for a few days as I changed my e mail
    so have just created a new account.

    Hugs to all.
    Originally posted by Elona
    Welcome back.
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