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Hoarding - A New Start

Jojo_the_Tightfisted
Jojo_the_Tightfisted Posts: 27,228 Forumite
Name Dropper First Anniversary First Post Combo Breaker
edited 1 January 2013 at 1:27AM in Old style MoneySaving
Right, it's a new year and there could be any number of lovely newcomers tentatively looking for a safe haven to help them in their struggle against The Stuff.

So, rather than struggle around our first thread, let's start with a clean, clutter free path to support, encouragement and understanding.


Here's the introductory post again:-


Welcome to the Thread

This is a friendly, supportive thread for anybody who is affected by hoarding issues. Hoarding isn't just untidiness, it isn't laziness - it's a genuine problem, and it can affect generations of families, all in different ways.

Some of us are the product of an environment where somebody else's hoarding affected us deeply, some have much loved partners, some have the condition and are trying to deal with the emotional and practical issues involved. Some are the exact opposite and just want to help. Everybody is welcome.


So, if you would like to post, whether once or often, lurk quietly in the shadows, never saying a word, or if you have an interest in understanding why this is happening to somebody, please, come in, take a seat and someone will be popping in to say hello.


We don't hide our thoughts or our opinions - it isn't a thread for agreement, if someone thinks another poster is making excuses or avoiding the real issues, we will say so in a fair, calm manner. We're not going to tell you that hoarding is OK. But we do understand it's more than tidying up. We've seen it, we've experienced it one way or another. We are unshockable, so don't hide your problems, thinking we'll judge you.


************************

Through the course of this thread, we're realising just how much hoarding confuses our lives and our emotions - and hoarding is inextricably linked to emotional pain, loss and unresolved feelings.

A poster has asked the question - what happens next? This is her question and the reply I gave - it may help somebody else;


I am also dragged down by fear...what happens when I've de-hoarded...what happens if I'm still unhappy and lonely...?



You feel the same emotions, but

you are capable of finding clean clothes,
a pair of socks,
of sitting down on any chair,
of going to bed without having to take your life in your hands going upstairs,
of inviting someone round who wants to see you and could make you feel less lonely without concern for their opinion or personal safety,
you have more money as you aren't spending it on 'stuff' to fill the hole in your heart.

You aren't harbouring mould spores,
dust mites
and various other nasties that can sap your strength and make you or your loved ones unwell.

You have space to think,
to adjust,
acknowledge,
adapt to the uncomfortable feelings,
as you aren't hemmed in by distractions such as a pile of things over there that are threatening to fall over.


You can find different things to do that can give you pleasure - having a lovely colour on the walls,
finding a beautiful picture, having it framed and putting it on your wall where you can see and appreciate it properly,
going out and starting other activities,
inviting friends round without worrying,
not stressing about the gas man,




It doesn't solve everything. But it makes the day to day so much better, easier, smoother. Which gives you time and space to deal with the harder stuff.


************************
I could dream to wide extremes, I could do or die: I could yawn and be withdrawn and watch the world go by.
colinw wrote: »
Yup you are officially Rock n Roll :D
«134567200

Comments

  • Soapy955
    Soapy955 Posts: 274 Forumite
    One question I've always wondered which I thought I'd ask on behalf of others who don't know the answer.......

    What does De-Richarding mean??? It's baffled me for ages!! :o
    Oh and thanks for the new thread! Happy New Year to one and all!:beer:
    I'm so sorry if you were enjoying this thread and mine is the last post!!

    I seem to have a nasty habit of killing threads!
    :p
  • GreyQueen
    GreyQueen Posts: 13,008 Forumite
    First Anniversary Name Dropper First Post Photogenic
    Soapy955 wrote: »
    One question I've always wondered which I thought I'd ask on behalf of others who don't know the answer.......

    What does De-Richarding mean??? It's baffled me for ages!! :o
    Oh and thanks for the new thread! Happy New Year to one and all!:beer:
    :D It is a phrase coined by the wonderful Lostinrates, a regular on this board. She and her OH used it after seeing this guy Richard who had two Hoarder Next Door programmes about him.

    Lovely bloke, but a severe hoarder. So richard became another word for clutter and de-richard(ing) is thus decluttering.

    You may also encounter "kipple", which I dragged into the room from a sci-fi novel called Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep which was filmed as Bladerunner. Kipple is that layer of little detritus, mainly but not exclusively paper, which multiplies on all surfaces when your back is turned.

    :D I'm sure some more wonderful new turns of phrase are about to blossom forth from the collective Borg-like entity which is OS.
    Every increased possession loads us with a new weariness.
    John Ruskin
    Veni, vidi, eradici
    (I came, I saw, I kondo'd)
  • Tiglath
    Tiglath Posts: 3,816 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker Debt-free and Proud!
    I should definitely be on this thread - constant struggle against DH's hoarding of paper and books and other items associated with his charity work. I'm working my way through my stuff because I desperately want a minimalist house that's easy to clean. I'm at least containing his stuff in a couple of places; he's filled the middle bedroom which we decided would be his study (I can barely make a path through to the second freezer), and has taken over the dining table as his desk. I don't want to think about the attic because I've never been up there.

    He's back to work next week and I'll chuck junk out and see whether he notices; I'm done !!!!!footing around. I haven't had friends round to dinner in years because of all the rubbish; the one work colleague who did come round last year suddenly ended his friendship with me, I think because the clutter offended his German sensibilities too much. We'll get there in the end, but there have been many times when I've wanted to pack a bag and go because I get to screaming pitch. DH wants to invite a couple of his colleagues round for dinner so that's an incentive to get it sorted - I'm not saying Yes until the house looks presentable.
    "Save £12k in 2019" #120 - £100,699.57/£100,000
  • Byatt
    Byatt Posts: 3,496 Forumite
    Oh wow, what a good idea Jo-Jo, a nice new beginning thread. :T

    Happy new Year, everyone! :D

    It's the year of the snake, and I'm a water snake, and 2013 should be my year! I'm hopeful, because before I knew that, I was feeling unusually optimistic for 2013. Usually hate New Year and hit a depression, but so far so good. :)

    Will be working on the bedroom from tomorrow and also helping DD to declutter.

    Hi Soapy & Tiglath, LIR, also coined the word flower days, unintentionally but many of us have adopted the word for good days, happy days...
  • This is a lovely thread, and one that is quite close to my heart. My ex was a hoarder, and although we never lived together we did spend a lot of time at mine and I have spent the last two years decluttering. It's not been easy as there was so much stuff (so much!). I was not allowed to throw anything away for yearS; furniture, DVDs, and god only knows what else. I started decluttering two years ago, and I still don't think I'm there yet, although we (me and daughter) can now both move in the living room and our respective bedrooms. I cant believe I let it get this bad, but it's so lovely to see floor and walls after all this time.
    Anyway, I know my situation isn't the same as others, my hoarder has gone and will never be coming back, but even so, it took me two years but I'm nearly there, so it can be done.
    My back garden, incidentally, looks like a tip. SO many bin bags! And I don't have a car so I do just have to wait for bin day and try to whittle down the pile. (vermin aren't a problem as we have food bins collected weekly)
    Good luck to you all, and I think a bit to myself for the last bits that are left.

    In our house, when things break, we just pretend they still work
  • Tiglath
    Tiglath Posts: 3,816 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker Debt-free and Proud!
    My back garden, incidentally, looks like a tip. SO many bin bags! And I don't have a car so I do just have to wait for bin day and try to whittle down the pile. (vermin aren't a problem as we have food bins collected weekly)

    Same here - DH has a car but won't take anything at all to the dump. I could cry at the state of my garden, and DH won't help - with my spinal problems it's been neglected for 2 years. We've got several fence panels down that he won't replace, and I'm scared the neighbour will apply for an ASBO against us (she'd have just cause). Every once in a while I pay my sister to take a load of bags to the dump, and I suspect I'll have to pay someone to put up new fence panels because I can't do it myself.
    "Save £12k in 2019" #120 - £100,699.57/£100,000
  • short_bird
    short_bird Posts: 3,669 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Post First Anniversary
    Soapy955 wrote: »
    What does De-Richarding mean??? It's baffled me for ages!! :o
    The programme about Richard Wallace is on 4OD at the time of typing and so is the follow up, The Big Clear Out if you have bandwidth available to watch it.:D
    http://www.channel4.com/programmes/obsessive-compulsive-hoarder/4od
    Cancel the kitchen scraps for lepers and orphans, no more merciful beheadings, and call off Christmas.
  • Tiglath wrote: »
    Same here - DH has a car but won't take anything at all to the dump. I could cry at the state of my garden, and DH won't help - with my spinal problems it's been neglected for 2 years. We've got several fence panels down that he won't replace, and I'm scared the neighbour will apply for an ASBO against us (she'd have just cause). Every once in a while I pay my sister to take a load of bags to the dump, and I suspect I'll have to pay someone to put up new fence panels because I can't do it myself.

    That sounds pretty rotten for you. Mine I know I can clear gradually, (for the third time now..... Ex used to put any unwanted furniture "out the back" so after we split I had a mountain of furniture to get rid of :( then the initial decluttering caused another mountain. I'm now on mountain number 3 arghhhhhh!)

    Man in Van to take away your stuff? Would that be affordable?

    In our house, when things break, we just pretend they still work
  • Tiglath
    Tiglath Posts: 3,816 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker Debt-free and Proud!
    I've just posted pics on Facebook and DH has agreed to a run to the dump when I've cleared the patio at least (Facebook has its uses). We have no back access so everything has to be carried through the house. The vegetation can go in the council recycling bin, and I'll put pots and plastic into binbags for us to take to the dump this week. I'm going to make a start on the patio today - it's more pressing than the house at this stage and at least it's sunny. We'll get there :)
    "Save £12k in 2019" #120 - £100,699.57/£100,000
  • Goldiegirl
    Goldiegirl Posts: 8,805 Forumite
    First Anniversary First Post Rampant Recycler Hung up my suit!
    I'll be looking into this thread from time to time.

    I'm mainly active on the de-cluttering thread. I've been de-cluttering for three years, and in the short time I've been a member of MSE, I've found it very helpful and inspirational to follow other posters efforts.

    I wouldn't class myself as a serious hoarder, but I am very sypathetic to those whose belongings have taken over their lives.

    There's a lot of emotional attachment to certain objects, and it can be very difficult to let them go.

    In the last year or so I've been able to let go of some things which belonged to my parents, but there were other things I put back in the loft, as I wasn't ready to part with them.

    However, in 2013 I will be revisiting those items, as I think it's time to let more of them go.

    However, it may be difficult, so I will almost certainly be here looking for some advice about what I can let go!
    Early retired - 18th December 2014
    If your dreams don't scare you, they're not big enough
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