Motivating a teen to do homework

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  • ska_lover
    ska_lover Posts: 3,773 Forumite
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    svain wrote: »
    Homework levels are ridiculous nowadays and i cant blame the kid for not being motivated. I am totally with OP, banning homework at weekends is perfectly reasonable, kids need time to be kids ..... On the flip side at his age if he doesn't do the homework there will be consequences at school, so let him decide if the consequences are worth it ... If they aren't, he will start doing it off his own back .... Personally, i wouldnt worry about it, life is too short!


    A break at weekends, maybe, if it is earned. Good things do not come easy or free... and whilst you say 'kids need to be kids', I agree for kids, but I would say a teenager heading towards his exams would ideally be showing a degree of self discipline instead of this attitude of doing whatever the hell he wants and ruling the roost - which is being reinforced by his parents

    And as for ''letting him decide if the consequences are worth it'' ....... a 13 year old does not have the insight to realise the long term consequences, all he is thinking about is there here and now.. the consequence of not doing his homework tonight will be a chilled night playing games. He is not thinking about in five years when his lack of motivation has come back to bite him on the bum in the real world - not his online version of it

    Life's too short to worry about your own kids education? I could not disagree more with this statement! What you are describing is free range parenting - hardly parenting at all, letting them make decisions of which they have no idea of the long term effects, then as a parent put zero effort in, and stand back and watch them crash and fail anyway.
    The opposite of what you know...is also true
  • onomatopoeia99
    onomatopoeia99 Posts: 6,957 Forumite
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    svain wrote: »
    Homework levels are ridiculous nowadays and i cant blame the kid for not being motivated. I am totally with OP, banning homework at weekends is perfectly reasonable, kids need time to be kids .....

    At secondary school (early 1980s) I got about two hours homework a night (three subjects, typically 3/4 of an hour each), with extra at weekends as we had longer to complete it. Trying to finish the "weekend" homework on Friday night to hand in on Monday morning would have been a nightmare. Fortunately my parents didn't impose any similar silly ban on me doing my homework on a Sunday.

    I didn't need time to be a kid at weekends, I needed time to do my schoolwork. Not that I'm entirely sure what "being a kid" consists of for fourteen year olds - hanging around on street corners, getting stoned or trying to persuade members of the opposite sex to make your mum and dad grandparents before they were anticipating?
    Proud member of the wokerati, though I don't eat tofu.Home is where my books are.Solar PV 5.2kWp system, SE facing, >1% shading, installed March 2019.Mortgage free July 2023
  • Owain_Moneysaver
    Owain_Moneysaver Posts: 11,357 Forumite
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    Loz01 wrote: »
    Why are you banning him from homework at the weekends? Evenings and boring Sunday afternoons are the perfect time to DO homework instead of being at school for 8 hours then cramming in 3 more hours work. Surely its just piling up over the weekend and putting more pressure on the after school hours?

    I agree.

    Saturday morning was prime homework time for me.

    How about if he does half his homework on Monday, he can have 2 hours games on Tuesday - before or after homework is his choice. If he does half his Tuesday homework, he can have 2 hours games on Wednesday, and so on.

    That's a start.

    Then maybe reach an arrangement about weekends eg if by Sunday night (or Friday night, depending on how the homework is set) he has finished all the homework from the last 7 days, he gets extra game time at the weekend, or game credits, or excused chores, or whatever.

    The school also need to be approached as setting homework for overnight is inflexible and going to cause problems. Watching a video for 45 minutes and then "write about his learning from it" is too vague and undirected and sounds like the teacher can't be bothered setting and marking 'proper' work.

    Other approach is take him down the tip or recycling centre and point out that if he doesn't get his qualifications that's what he'll be doing for the rest of his life. Then take him to the mankiest housing scheme around and point out that's where he'll be living, and he won't have a gaming computer because he won't be able to afford one and even if he did it would be nicked.
    A kind word lasts a minute, a skelped erse is sair for a day.
  • ska_lover
    ska_lover Posts: 3,773 Forumite
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    edited 11 May 2018 at 6:39PM
    onomatopoeia99 wrote: »
    At secondary school (early 1980s) I got about two hours homework a night (three subjects, typically 3/4 of an hour each), with extra at weekends as we had longer to complete it. Trying to finish the "weekend" homework on Friday night to hand in on Monday morning would have been a nightmare. ?

    It was the same for me, early teens age 13 / 14 around 1.5 hours homework most nights, plus a paper round plus a saturday job. Oh the joys of sweeping up hair for a fiver a day in the local hairdressers - this was in the 80's too

    Plus we had household chores, us kids, when we got to teenagers had to do our own ironing - all clothes and school uniform and always tend to the washing up after the evening meal

    I still found time to have a can of cider in the park on occasion though :rotfl:

    It will make me sound like I am really ancient when I say this.. but I do partly blame social media and the internet, it is so easy to procrastinate and spend hours reading the entire internet. I have found that out of the last few days recovering from surgery how easy hours while away whilst doing nothing in particular on an laptop or phone - this is something we did not have as kids, we had less distractions and kids are always on social media
    The opposite of what you know...is also true
  • ska_lover
    ska_lover Posts: 3,773 Forumite
    Combo Breaker First Post
    Owain_Moneysaver wrote: »
    Then take him to the mankiest housing scheme around and point out that's where he'll be living, .

    If he is lucky, social housing (I think you mean by housing schemes) are impossible to get on these days
    The opposite of what you know...is also true
  • Fireflyaway
    Fireflyaway Posts: 2,766 Forumite
    First Anniversary First Post
    I'd sit with him once for a chat and ensure he listens. Explain that the homework is for his benefit. If he wants to have choice and opportunities in life and live a decent life not be stuck in a dead end job or unable to afford nice things, he needs to put effort in. That involves concentrating at school and doing homework. He is old enough to understand that. Detention is pointless. He is punishing himself anyway by not working hard enough.
    If he chooses to change, that's great, but if not you can't force him. Does he have a particular job in mind ? Maybe remind him of the qualifications of skills he will need for that? If he has an interest then explain he won't be able to afford it as an adult if he doesn't work. Start explaining the value of things and how much things cost v how long it takes to work before you can afford it. Ie a meal out is nice but it might take a whole days work to afford it. As a child with no responsibility it's hard to link the cause and effect. Oh and if you can find it. There is a cool documentary called on the way to school! Really makes you think.
  • Tabbytabitha
    Tabbytabitha Posts: 4,684 Forumite
    First Anniversary
    svain wrote: »
    Homework levels are ridiculous nowadays and i cant blame the kid for not being motivated. I am totally with OP, banning homework at weekends is perfectly reasonable, kids need time to be kids ..... On the flip side at his age if he doesn't do the homework there will be consequences at school, so let him decide if the consequences are worth it ... If they aren't, he will start doing it off his own back .... Personally, i wouldnt worry about it, life is too short!

    Two hours a night was what I used to have in the 60s and, IIRC, four hours at weekends.
  • Fireflyaway
    Fireflyaway Posts: 2,766 Forumite
    First Anniversary First Post
    edited 12 May 2018 at 9:21AM
    Tabbytabitha wrote: »
    Two hours a night was what I used to have in the 60s and, IIRC, four hours at weekends.

    I didn't quote that correctly sorry tabbytabitha. I was after the section stating Life is too short for so much homework!

    Life is short but 50 years working in a job you hate for minimum wage will seem a long time. It's exciting to think how many opportunities are out there. A bit of effort goes a long way.

    My husband still studies nearly every day. Many job require you to maintain and gain knowledge.
  • svain
    svain Posts: 516 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary
    ska_lover wrote: »
    A break at weekends, maybe, if it is earned. Good things do not come easy or free... and whilst you say 'kids need to be kids', I agree for kids, but I would say a teenager heading towards his exams would ideally be showing a degree of self discipline instead of this attitude of doing whatever the hell he wants and ruling the roost - which is being reinforced by his parents

    And as for ''letting him decide if the consequences are worth it'' ....... a 13 year old does not have the insight to realise the long term consequences, all he is thinking about is there here and now.. the consequence of not doing his homework tonight will be a chilled night playing games. He is not thinking about in five years when his lack of motivation has come back to bite him on the bum in the real world - not his online version of it

    Life's too short to worry about your own kids education? I could not disagree more with this statement! What you are describing is free range parenting - hardly parenting at all, letting them make decisions of which they have no idea of the long term effects, then as a parent put zero effort in, and stand back and watch them crash and fail anyway.


    Free range parenting because i dont agree with your homework regime .... do me a favour :rotfl: .... Sending them away to do homework for hours on end is the easy option. Interacting, engaging and sharing time & interests with them is the more difficult task and as kids far more beneficial to them in the long run.
    onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

    I didn't need time to be a kid at weekends, I needed time to do my schoolwork. Not that I'm entirely sure what "being a kid" consists of for fourteen year olds - hanging around on street corners, getting stoned or trying to persuade members of the opposite sex to make your mum and dad grandparents before they were anticipating?

    That just says more about your world
    Owain_Moneysaver wrote: »

    Other approach is take him down the tip or recycling centre and point out that if he doesn't get his qualifications that's what he'll be doing for the rest of his life. Then take him to the mankiest housing scheme around and point out that's where he'll be living, and he won't have a gaming computer because he won't be able to afford one and even if he did it would be nicked.
    ska_lover wrote: »
    If he is lucky, social housing (I think you mean by housing schemes) are impossible to get on these days

    Classic case of tick box, middle class, social media, bubble type modern parenting

    Writing them off because they may not do well at school is more toxic to them than not achieving a few certificates. Believe it or not, in the real world success can happen in spite of school not because of it and brow beating them into submission is the easy option, that rarely works long term
  • John-K_3
    John-K_3 Posts: 681 Forumite
    svain wrote: »
    Believe it or not, in the real world success can happen in spite of school not because of it and brow beating them into submission is the easy option, that rarely works long term

    Yes, you can do well despite doing badly at school, but it is far less likely that way. Failing at school makes it far harder later than it needs to be.
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