When to stop financially supporting adult kids
Comments
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My parents could not afford to get involved financially, after we had all moved out (early 90's) - if we got into a scrape, lost a job, had an unexpected bill - we siblings would borrow from each other, but always always return the cash, there was no giving (and rightly so)The opposite of what you know...is also true0
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Out,_Vile_Jelly wrote: »If adults need regular financial assistance something is wrong with their lifestyle or life choices. What if the parents suddenly become ill or have to retire early?
I know, that was my point with my friend, how is it possibly sustainable. Folk get comfortable with a certain way of life.The opposite of what you know...is also true0 -
Out,_Vile_Jelly wrote: »My dad paid my rent and a small allowance at university (no fees!); I've not asked for anything since. I lived at home for peppercorn rent for a few months in between jobs in my early 20s, which was helpful, but it was definitely temporary.
I personally think the only circumstances in which adult offspring should receive regular income from parents are:
-if studying for a qualification that will genuinely enhance their career prospects, or is truly vocational and life-changing
-if recovering from a health or other crisis (ie a small business with customers that haven't paid, complicated divorce)
If adults need regular financial assistance something is wrong with their lifestyle or life choices. What if the parents suddenly become ill or have to retire early?
And, if they ask their parents for this, something's gone wrong with their parenting.0 -
As the youngest child in my family i have always found this to be a hot topic.
My two oldest siblings both regularly receive financial and "other" support (free childcare ect) on a weekly basis, but my sibling just above me (3rd) had to move back home last year due to the breakdown of a 10 year relationship, resulting in her having to leave her work and move over 100 miles to start afresh - and has had nothing but aggro from the parents about it.
Two oldest aren't responsible, cant hold jobs down or relationships. Prioritise nights out instead of their children.
3rd works hard, saves her money, and is trying to build her life back up after a real low. she hopes to move out soon. Parents are "cutting her off" from financial help - so making her pay additional rent, own food, and the like, making it harder for her to save to move out...
Personally, i think it depends on the efforts being made by the child. Im the youngest, got some help to clear some debt when buying a house, but since i was 18 i have worked full time, paid rent every month, never borrowed from them until i was gifted this money.
That doesn't sound like "cutting her off" more like expecting an adult to pay her own way.0 -
My parents could not afford to get involved financially, after we had all moved out (early 90's) - if we got into a scrape, lost a job, had an unexpected bill - we siblings would borrow from each other, but always always return the cash, there was no giving (and rightly so)One person's "financially supporting" is another's "helping out". For our family, the helping out is a lifelong thing: It could be hard cash in the form of an interest-free loan, or a donation to help with a move or major bill, or an invite to come on holiday free of charge. All of those have been done by us or for us, with our parents and children. We're lucky enough to have a bit of spare cash these days, so why wouldn't we want to make life a little easier for those we love?
I can see that you'd be in a different situation ska lover if your parents couldn't afford it and presumably siblings could help out so perhaps afford to lend but not to give. So, of course, it's 'rightly so' to pay back money that's been borrowed.
That doesn't mean that parents can't give if they are in a position to do so and want to though.
For me though, I would differentiate between treats and paying for necessities because the child has been irresponsible. I agree with tabby that if you've brought up your child to be financially responsible it shouldn't happen in the normal course of events.
Obviously I understand that we can't give too much personal information on these threads, but in the case of your friend, why are they paying for essentials for the grown up child? I'd have a very different view if they'd perhaps been made redundant than if they had sufficient income but chose to spend it in the pub.0 -
That doesn't mean that parents can't give if they are in a position to do so and want to though.
It's not always the parent giving to a grown up child: Often it's the other way around. We, and several of our friends currently have more disposable income than our elderly parents so will help the older generation out sometimes. It works both ways.0 -
It's not always the parent giving to a grown up child: Often it's the other way around. We, and several of our friends currently have more disposable income than our elderly parents so will help the older generation out sometimes. It works both ways.
That's right, and if I needed to do that of course I would.:)
Unfortunately, the way the housing market and the economy has been handled in recent years it's increasingly young people that need help though.:(0 -
That's right, and if I needed to do that of course I would.:)
Unfortunately, the way the housing market and the economy has been handled in recent years it's increasingly young people that need help though.:(
Yes, but don't forget that there are scores (and likely to be more in the not-too-distant future) of elderly people whose grown up children are having to pay top-up fees for their parents' care.0 -
It's not always the parent giving to a grown up child: Often it's the other way around. We, and several of our friends currently have more disposable income than our elderly parents so will help the older generation out sometimes. It works both ways.
By the time I left university in my late twenties (mature student), my parents had just retired so I looked on it that it was my job to help them out, not the other way round. Even if I'd gone at the normal time, retirement would have been looming for them and it would have been very wrong for me to take money from them, particularly as I earned more than they (individually) did.0 -
Yes, but don't forget that there are scores (and likely to be more in the not-too-distant future) of elderly people whose grown up children are having to pay top-up fees for their parents' care.
Only if they have parents who don't own their own home and are in the small minorityof elderly people who ever need residential care.0
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