1 month old baby at wedding?

IvyFlood · 22 July 2019 at 1:57PM

I am getting married next April (9th) and my best friend and bridesmaid has just told me she is expecting, and the baby is due end of February.

At first I was fine with it but now I am thinking I really don’t want a 1 month old baby at my wedding. For a number of reasons; my friend would have to have the baby with us while we get ready in the morning as she is planning to breastfeed. It could also be a major distraction during the ceremony if it cries and will probably gain a lot of attention. I know it sounds selfish but it’s our day and should the attention not be on me as the bride?! Plus is it really good for the baby to be around so many people and in a loud environment or germs?

She is my oldest friend and I do really want her as my bridesmaid but I just don’t know how to get around the baby factor. Especially as we are having a ‘child free’ wedding with the exception of nieces and nephews who have a role.

Her partner and Mum are invited so they would be there to help out but I’m really not comfortable with it at the moment. She has already requested that she wants to get changed after the ceremony and I just feel like there will be loads of demands I’ll have to cater to because of the baby. Nor do I expect her to want to ‘give up’ her baby just for my day so it’s really difficult.

I know I don’t really have a choice and the baby will probably end up having to be there but hoping there are options.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation or had a 1 month old baby at their wedding?

Thanks

Mrs_Huggett · 22 July 2019 at 8:28PM

I can't see what other demands she might make? Getting changed after the ceremony is probably going to be a good idea for her if she is breastfeeding, and if she has only just had the baby a couple or three weeks beforehand she is going to be feeling very fat/sad/hungry/emotional/happy (crying happy) and tired, either cut the girl some slack or bump her off the role and let her know she is still welcome with open arms.

Lara · 23 July 2019 at 9:16AM

I think you are forgetting a one month old baby would not detract from your day. In fact they hardly make any noises apart from when hungry or need a nappy change. Ask if possible if her Mum would mind looking after baby during the service in another part of the venue (?) just in case of any crying, which usually they only do when hungry at that age! Best friend can feed him/her whenever needed and perhaps will breast pump a couple of bottles (my DIL with seven week old baby did this) that morning just in case baby wants a feed when she is busy during the service. It does take a while for babies to get into a routine for feeding. They are learning as well as Mummy. A one month old baby is far easier at a wedding than a 6 month old!

A few years ago at the wedding of one of my son’s a friend of his wife to be had a month old baby, he was taken out before the service started by his Daddy but for the rest of the time you wouldn’t have known he was there. Yes his parents did leave the wedding early as Mummy was still very tired but she had a lovely day out and was so grateful she was able to be there to witness the wedding and enjoy herself as well as seeing lots of other friends and she could also let them see her baby.

She is your best friend - so be pleased for her and sit down and explain your thoughts re crying etc and work out together a plan. Maybe she wants to get changed after the ceremony in case of excess baby weight, maybe she would rather not be bridesmaid now. Several maybe’s but unless you chat together neither of you will really know what the other one is thinking and worrying about.

It is your day and even if people coo over the little bundle it still won’t make any difference to you. You will still be the centre of attention and have a wonderful day.

aubergine · 23 July 2019 at 9:14PM

Oh get over yourself, weddings are for families not bridezillas.

Kentish_Dave · 23 July 2019 at 9:49PM

I do understand not wanting children at your wedding, we flew to Mauritius recently for a wedding without our baby, and I had no complaints, but...

A tiny baby is no trouble at all. They will likely sleep throughout.

Mojisola · 23 July 2019 at 10:01PM

IvyFlood wrote: »

I am getting married next April (9th) and my best friend and bridesmaid has just told me she is expecting, and the baby is due end of February.

At first I was fine with it but now I am thinking I really don’t want a 1 month old baby at my wedding.

I can understand your feelings - as the pregnancy goes on, your friend is going to be more interested in herself and then the baby rather than your wedding - and quite rightly.

I would ask her to come to the wedding as a guest and welcome the baby as well and get yourself a new bridesmaid.

Maria1305 · 24 July 2019 at 5:37AM

I am stunned... And she is your best friend?! The baby will be 4-6 weeks old, sleeps and feeds and mort much else. Father and nanny there to help too. But your main concern is YOU potentially not having everyone's attention all day on you? If you find this situation too difficult to accept and work with for your best friend then what sort of friendship do you have I wonder? Wedding day or not, your inability to accept and adapt is not going to bode well for you in married life. &#55358;&#56631;!♀️

Emp94 · 24 July 2019 at 6:25AM

Having had a baby 9 months ago I feel quite strongly about this. I also happen to be getting married in 9 days (2nd August).

Our little one came along as a surprise and I wouldn’t have called myself a “baby person” before having her. Having now been through it all, it is the most amazing, exhausting and difficult experience. Your friend will likely not have slept for weeks, be figuring out how to be a mum and prepare for a wedding.

You risk falling out with your friend over one day. I personally would give her the option to not be a bridesmaid as she will have so much going on. I think she is very brave to still want to come with a 1 month old, I know I would’ve struggled!

As a lot of people have said, the younger the baby the better in a lot of ways. It will mainly just sleep.

Ultimately, she cannot leave her one month old baby, breastfeeding or not. I would never have left mine. So you’ll either need to let her get on with what she’s got to do and understand that may not go according to your plan or give her the option to not be a bridesmaid. Otherwise you run the risk of her not coming at all.

[Deleted User] · 24 July 2019 at 6:44AM

IvyFlood wrote: »

I know it sounds selfish but it’s our day and should the attention not be on me as the bride?!

Make it clear to all guests that they are only to look at you.

Anyone caught looking at the baby will be ejected from the ceremony and will not be given a piece of cake wrapped in a paper napkin to take home at the end.

Pollycat · 24 July 2019 at 7:54AM

I'm unsure what you are suggesting happens here.
You state:

IvyFlood wrote: »

At first I was fine with it but now I am thinking I really don’t want a 1 month old baby at my wedding.

Do you expect your best friend to still be your bridesmaid but this one month old child not be at the wedding?

If you were my best friend and I was your bridesmaid, given how you feel about my child, I'd opt for passing up on my role of bridesmaid and stay at home to be with my child.

wertherdog · 24 July 2019 at 10:41AM

Absolute madness! Your friend needs to get a better friend. So what if everyone's eyes aren't on you for the entire day? It's probably going to sleep all day anyway.

1 month old baby at wedding?

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