Divorced and childcare payment question

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  • Rubik
    Rubik Posts: 315
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    What is it you are most aggrieved about - the missed child care session, or that you have "a pathetic spreadsheet with dates on and they have been changed without asking." Would it help to have a proper parenting plan that covers all aspects of your child's upbringing, and agreement on how you will both parent your child?
  • jackieblack
    jackieblack Posts: 10,299
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    edited 9 August 2018 at 3:43PM
    LilElvis wrote: »
    If it makes you feel any better, someone who is paying a mortgage on a property, maintaining another household and going on multiple holidays a year - all on £40k p.a. - is almost certainly doing so by running up debt.
    Really? That's a huge assumption based on very little information! :eek:

    OP's ex has remarried, for all we know the new spouse could be working full-time earning decent money and their combined household income way more than the £40k OP's ex earns.
    Neither do we have any idea how much OPs mortgage is each month...

    I've been running my household, including a trip to the USA every year and paying the mortgage, on about 1/3 of that £40k. Even when a family of 4 with with two teenagers living here, our household income was never more than 1/2 of that and we managed fine without running up debt :huh:
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  • Comms69
    Comms69 Posts: 14,229
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    Really? :eek:
    It always amazes me how wasteful some people are with their money!

    Depends on individual spending habits of course, but I've been running my household, including a trip to the USA every year on about 1/3 of that amount, even as a family of 4 with with two teenagers living here income has never been more than 1/2 of that!

    OP hasn't said how much the mortgage on her home is, but even if it's £1000 a month, that'd still give me a spare £15k pa approx, easily enough for a couple of extra holidays and I certainly wouldn't be going into debt!!
    Not a chance, sorry £20,000 in total household income.


    Or is that before subisidies in child benefit etc.


    Bearing in mind £20k is approx. £1,400 a month...
  • anna_1977
    anna_1977 Posts: 862
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    edited 9 August 2018 at 3:38PM
    OP you've said he earns 40k but I'm assuming that is what he did earn when you divorced or is it reviewed every year? For all you know he could be on a lot more now.....

    I get you're feeling aggrieved but he is paying you, just in the form of the mortgage.

    The 19 year old is an adult, mine worked the summer before uni to kit themselves out as they knew I didn't have the spare cash. Why are you still buying him clothes ?

    Just out of curiosity, when the youngest leaves school I'm guessing you'll have to give the ex a percentage of the house, especially if he's been paying the mortgage all these years
  • jackieblack
    jackieblack Posts: 10,299
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    edited 9 August 2018 at 4:26PM
    Comms69 wrote: »
    Not a chance, sorry £20,000 in total household income.

    Or is that before subisidies in child benefit etc.

    Bearing in mind £20k is approx. £1,400 a month...
    Yep, I'm well aware how much it is, and yes I did get CB on top of that (for one child, so about £20 a week) but nothing else.

    It was quite easily done, thanks :)
    (I am pretty good at making full use of things like Clubcard vouchers/Avios/hotel rewards points etc which all helps)
    2.22kWp Solar PV system installed Oct 2010, Fronius IG20 Inverter, south facing (-5 deg), 30 degree pitch, no shading
    Everything will be alright in the end so, if it’s not yet alright, it means it’s not yet the end
    MFW #4 OPs (offset): 2018 £866.89, 2019 £1322.33, 2020 £1337.07,
    2021 £1250.00, 2022 £1500.00, 2023 £1500
    Target for 2024 (offset) = £1200, YTD £345
    Quidquid Latine dictum sit altum videtur
  • Comms69
    Comms69 Posts: 14,229
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    Yep, I'm well aware how much it is, and yes I did get CB on top of that (for one child, so about £20 a week) but nothing else.

    It was quite easily done, thanks :)


    It's not that I don't believe you; it's rather that it's unrealistic for most people.
  • jackieblack
    jackieblack Posts: 10,299
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    edited 9 August 2018 at 4:39PM
    Comms69 wrote: »
    It's not that I don't believe you; it's rather that it's unrealistic for most people.

    Depends on individual circumstances, I appreciate that (although I hardly think I'm unique) but that's my point...

    We don't know the OP's ex's financial circumstances apart from the little we've been told ( he earns £40k, has several holidays a year and pays OPs mortgage), so to state categorically that he must be running up debt is highly presumptive IMO.

    For example:
    We don't know how much ex's new spouse earns
    We don't know ex's household expenses (maybe new wife already owned house mortgage free?)
    We don't know how much the mortgage is on the home OP and children live in (if it's the marital home it might have been purchased 20 years ago and hence the mortgage is likely small in comparison to a modern mortgage levels)

    We simply have too little information in order to make a judgment like that, IMO
    2.22kWp Solar PV system installed Oct 2010, Fronius IG20 Inverter, south facing (-5 deg), 30 degree pitch, no shading
    Everything will be alright in the end so, if it’s not yet alright, it means it’s not yet the end
    MFW #4 OPs (offset): 2018 £866.89, 2019 £1322.33, 2020 £1337.07,
    2021 £1250.00, 2022 £1500.00, 2023 £1500
    Target for 2024 (offset) = £1200, YTD £345
    Quidquid Latine dictum sit altum videtur
  • Comms69
    Comms69 Posts: 14,229
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    Depends on individual circumstances, I appreciate that (although I hardly think I'm unique) but that's my point...

    We don't know the OP's ex's financial circumstances apart from the little we've been told ( he earns £40k, has several holidays a year and pays OPs mortgage), so to state categorically that he must be running up debt is highly presumptive IMO.

    For example:
    We don't know how much ex's new spouse earns
    We don't know ex's household expenses (maybe new wife already owned house mortgage free?)
    We don't know how much the mortgage is on the home OP and children live in (if it's the marital home it might have been purchased 20 years ago and hence the mortgage is likely small in comparison to a modern mortgage levels)

    We simply have too little information in order to make a judgment like that, IMO

    Oh I agree. With that.

    But I know with an income in excess of 20k we do fine day to day but holidays and Christmas are a big stretch
  • unholyangel
    unholyangel Posts: 16,863
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    Comms69 wrote: »
    It's not that I don't believe you; it's rather that it's unrealistic for most people.

    Given half of full time workers earn less than £550 a week (£28k a year) and half of part time workers earn less than £180 per week (£9500 a year), I would suggest that its unrealistic for some rather than most.
    You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means - Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride
  • pinkshoes
    pinkshoes Posts: 20,036
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    Sounds to me like you need to be more assertive with your ex.

    You REQUESTED your ex not to take him out of school but still let him??? (I'm assuming you are residential parent so had the option to say NO...)

    WRITE to your ex and agree when he will be having his son then stick to it.

    Do NOT let him change dates. If he genuinely can't do one weekend, then Agree that he stays with you, but do NOT go swapping dates.

    He pays mortgage instead of maintenance. That is fair. You can calculate how much he shiuld be paying, and if this is less than the mortgage then keep quiet!

    As for the childcare thing, annoying indeed, but you didn't LOSE money. You just didn't gain money.
    Should've = Should HAVE (not 'of')
    Would've = Would HAVE (not 'of')

    No, I am not perfect, but yes I do judge people on their use of basic English language. If you didn't know the above, then learn it! (If English is your second language, then you are forgiven!)
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